But it must only be used for a shot seemingly launched from a catapult with reckless abandon. We also have mails on Dimi Berbatov, Cesc Fabregas and lots more...
That's the question posed in a wide and varied Mailbox, along with several others including Lloris dropping bollocks, Stewie Griffin's return & a thank you to David Healy...
If you have anything to say on any subject, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Please Arsene, Do Not Sign Suarez
I'm actually quite shocked at the news Liverpool have confirmed we have made a bid for Suarez.
Going after a big signing is what us Gooners have been requesting for what seems like an eternity.
I'm sure some Gooners will welcome the ambition but I don't leave my morals at the door when entering the Emirates.
So please Arsene, I know generally you couldn't give a toss what the fans think, but please do not bring this man into our club.
He made me side with United over the Evra row which just made me feel dirty - the thought of him tarnishing the red and white of Arsenal is just too much.
I go to Arsenal every season despite all the crap that club throws at us - from selling our captains to charging the highest ticket prices in the land but if we sign Suarez, I think I may actually boycott Arsenal until he's gone.
Graham Simons, (I haven't got an alternative local club so that means boycotting football) Gooner, Norf London
Arsenal v Man United In Transfer Chumps Battle
Are Arsenal and Man U playing a game of who can be linked with a big player without actually signing anybody? So far Arsenal have been linked with Higuain, Rooney, Torres (tenuous), Fellaini and Suarez while United flopped in their chase for Thiago and have now been linked to Fellaini and Fabregas in what appears to be an effort to save face. Are they just trying to sell season tickets and shirts? Wenger is Wenger and we've seen it all before but is the situation with Moyes slightly more damning that players don't want to risk going to a manager who could flop very early?
I'd also like to point out that Adonis Stevenson is not the only Stevenson who can write decent letters and although I take pride in my brother's popularity on f365 I was taken aback last night when a bunch of my friends all started raving about how great he was.
Peter Stevenson (calm down Matt, he's added you on Facebook) LFC, Cyprus
Never Wanted Thiago Anyway...
I was once tweeted by Clarence Seedorf as part of a Heineken promotion he was doing, I screamed, ran around a bit and completely missed the rest of the game. That is the power of the man.
I'll admit I didn't want Moyes but we've got him. I think what he's done with the coaching staff is a joke (wtf did the goalkeeping coach do wrong?) and his face bears all the marks of a ratty Glaswegian coke addict. But I'm pretty chuffing pleased his first signing isn't an unproven, lightweight tiki-taka midfielder. Who is Thiago? I didn't see him behind Messi and Cristiano in the Ballon d'Or awards, didn't see him feature for Barca too much and certainly didn't see him play any part in Spain's recent dominance. How many United fans have actually even seen him play?
Now, I hear that this guy could turn out to be 'the next Xavi or Iniesta'...we signed one of those last year and aside from a fantastic parody account @evilkagawa hasn't really set the world alight. For the fifth consecutive year United need a quality winger (as well as Zaha) and a midfielder who can at least attempt a tackle. Carrick is at his best with a bit of freedom and we don't have the personnel to afford him any.
Cesc Fabregas certainly wouldn't be my choice but he's Premiership proven and from memory a bit of a dirty little b@stard.
So, for one I am not worried about Moyes' inability to seduce a £20m player with no experience. I'm more worried about turning up to Old Trafford to see Phil Jones being used up front in the "Fellaini role".
It Was Fellaini All Along...
I think the older I get, the more ridiculous summer transfer seasons and sagas I see; the more I realise half of it is just a media exercise in hype.
I think it can be neatly summed up with Manchester United's quest for a central midfielder.
With Moyes now in charge and people eagerly anticipating what will happen next, he needs to make a statement except he doesn't want to make one - he wants to sign Fellaini. Fellaini is a quality player, but not a big ticket item. So how to appease the club's fans - bid for Fabregas knowing he won't come, yeah, that'll work.
So United never bid for Thiago, are only bidding for Fabregas to make it seem like we are massive players and appease fans, but really know Fellaini is the one.
In truth, it's not a bad outcome, he is a good player, but don't take us for mugs...just yet.
Man U Fans = Flanders
Have Man U fans collectively lost their sh*t?
Given their success over the last two decades, I would be happy to see the honours distributed a little wider (I'd like to see a new winner of the League, anything to mix it up a bit), but for every Be Calm and Carry On mail there are two tantrum mails reminiscent of when the fat dancer left Take That. They are the current Premier League champions. One of a very few teams who can compete despite not having the financial backing of a bored multi-billionaire. They missed out on a player that decided to go to the current treble-winning side. They haven't played a game in anger yet. One massive important point is that football does not have the fluctuation it saw all those years ago, not without a club seeing a serious injection of cash (not applicable in Man U's case) so prediction of such a demise are well wide of the mark. Despite all this people are anticipating a period of decline spanning decades. The mailbox at least allows the contrast between 'current Premier League champions hire new manager hysteria' versus 'Financially crippled club forced to play 34 miles away at neighbouring ground', so the majority can observe what it would be like to be spoilt. (I appreciate the spoilt ones seem to be the most shouty).
Speculation is one thing, but some of the fans are showing nothing but pessimism (at least the 'we only publish what we are sent' ones that seem to appear in the mailbox). Yesterday morning Blue Tim asked if Man U fans are becoming the new Liverpool fans. Liverpool are actually showing up Man U given the perturbation being shown by their fans during this period of...well nothing, and Liverpool have the Suarez malarkey to deal with. Remarkable.
Some of them need slapping like when Homer slapped Flanders when adrift at sea on the dinghy. Diddly.
Chris ITFC, Liverpool
How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Close Season
This probably doesn't make for good, scintillating mailbox copy, so excuse me as swerve from the tabloid baby runs, go off-piste and speak on behalf of the thousands upon thousands of United fans who are eminently relaxed about our prospects.
I know this is a brave new world and all and that we've just lost one of the greatest managers of all time, but for all the doom-mongering and pointing and laughing, can I just remind people that we won, by a quite considerable margin, the league last year, currently possess the top scorer of the last two seasons (I say with utmost serious that I would rather a Premiership proven and quite brilliant RVP over Cavani 100% of the time) and, for what it's worth, one of Europe's largest grounds and a commercial operation that is unmatched anywhere outside of Barcelona, Madrid and Munich. Furthermore, we're not yet half-way through the transfer window.
I'm not gloating or triumphing, rather, stating the facts. Try as you might, but our success isn't some distant golden age. It seems Liverpool fans in particular would like to see us on their level, but there is a considerable difference in say, being last crowned champions three months ago, and last being crowned champions 23 years ago. Obviously I quite liked the look of Thiago but contrary to the cow poo being flung about here there and everywhere, I certainly didn't see him as our saviour. I trust Fergie, therefore I trust Moyes, and this will remain the case until any actual, certifiable evidence to the contrary (like football matches) comes my way.
My advice to people is go out and enjoy the sunshine and stop worrying about transfer tittle tattle.
...I'd like to apologise on behalf of all the Manchester United fans who haven't lost their collective sh*t in recent days...
Michael Piggot talking about printing 'Moyes Out' banners made me shout F*CK pretty loudly in work. I'm blaming him if I get hauled in by my manager (a United fan, so I'll should be fine). What an idiot you are, and you aren't alone. All these 'fans' saying this and that about transfers and what have you. Stop reading the Daily Mail and just wait and see what happens.
We 'missed out' on Thiago.. a player which the media reported we were interested in, but the club never actually said much. There is about three-quarters of the transfer window to go, the club have said they have identified targets and are working on it.
Trust them, see how it pans out and at the start of the season support Moyes no matter what.
...Two weeks. Two sodding weeks. That's how long David Moyes has been in charge at Manchester United. He is yet to take charge in a competitive fixture and is still evaluating his squad.
Just give the poor bugger a chance before concluding that Manchester United are now a club in freefall. Crying out that the club needs to 'adapt' to a new era of sugar daddies just baffles me - do you expect the club to spend more than they have to compete financially? Do you think that we haven't been competing with the likes of Chelsea and Manchester City this past few years? Some of these mails read like they were composed in 2017, from authors gifted with future sight. These fortunate few have seen first hand the demise of Manchester United and would now rather spend their time urging fans not to become like Liverpool supporters instead of waiting a while before passing their unquestionable judgement.
Most of all though, Chris MUFC. You prat. To suggest that hoovering up the best domestic talent and supplementing it with foreign youngsters is an outdated philosophy is just pure, unadulterated crap. Just take one look at Bayern Munich and think again. Neuer, Mandzukic, Dante, Rafinha, Kirchoff, Gotze and Boateng via Man City all impressed at other Bundesliga clubs before being picked up by Bayern. Supplemented with Robben, Ribery, Martinez and such, along with a generation of great academy players, Bayern have found success. I won't bore you with another list, but United have done the exact same thing since the dawn of Ferguson. Just because we haven't been as brilliant as 2008 for a while doesn't mean that we are about to be left behind.
The fact that you have a Football Manager save in which you sold Danny Welbeck and brought in some guy who looks suspiciously like a polygon does not make you an authority on the future. It wouldn't surprise me if in the next few weeks you start whining about why Moyes hasn't signed The Polygon Kid when Barcelona will clearly be interested in 2016.
We're Spending Our Money, Not Daddy's
Typical one-eyed article from John Nic, on United actions (or not) in the transfer market over the years.
But let's review. And to do so, let's completely ignore the likes of RvN, RvP, Veron, and De Gea for just a second, shall we, who were all highly rated and sought after when we bought them.
I'll grant you that most people, not just footballers, would likely pick the balmy climes of Spain or Italy over Manchester if all you had to do was play football and spend money on flash cars. London is obviously more attractive to the footballer type too.
But more importantly, it has never been the United way (under our great Scot) to blow big money on a player when you can unearth a nearly equal one who is not as well known. We make them the best, we don't buy them fully complete. I would far rather have Kagawa than Modric, for example. We also don't get involved in bidding wars, as we work within our means rather than have billionaires or governments write blank cheques for us.
You could reasonably argue that when we have looked to bring in the finished article, as with Veron and Berbatov, it doesn't go as well as they're more accustomed to playing their way only.
So, although we do seem to miss out when we're after big names, it's generally okay. And you know what, we've done alright by functioning this way. Sure, it's irritating sometimes to see that nubile young thing choose the playboy who will move on in a couple of years.
But it's not because we're not attractive. It's because we're spending our own money rather than our Daddy's, and if money is that important, they're not the player for us.
Guy S (all we need is Fellaini)
Thudd Is So Worth £5m
I spotted the transfer gossip suggesting that Sunderland hadn't managed to nail down a £5m deal for Huddlestone.
I'm going to have to assume that he's running towards the end of his contract because he is an absolute steal for £5m.
Seriously, there are games when he can look a little cumbersome; sometimes you play a team who are fully switched on and doing the whole Barcelona 'win it back in seven seconds' business and you sit there thinking 'oh god, he's going to give it away' every time he gets the ball.
But you don't play 38 league games in a season against teams who can spend 90 minutes doing that. And whenever they're not hassling him he is lethal... His distribution to the wings is terrifying, and the lad can hammer it with either foot. I don't have time to put a portfolio together but a google of 'Huddlestone goal' yields plenty of examples, and my pet theory was that a significant part of our goal drought last season was the lack of someone to threaten from the edge of the area - thereby opening the space for strikers+wingers - yes Bale did his thing from outside the box but having your quarterback/DM rolling in unexpectedly just gives teams that extra problem to deal with.
If he is floating around on the market with something like a £5M pricetag everyone outside the big 4(/5) should be interested. Yes that means that I'm a bit surprised to see him on the way out but I accept that the slightly cumbersome aspect of his game under pressure might make him questionable under the AVB high-pace high-line approach...but not many teams have a Thudd. I'm not 100% sure I want to see him leave, but he really shouldn't struggle to find a home if he is going.
If I were a betting man (£5 says I'm not) I'd be expecting him to land at Everton this summer. They'll have some spending money but still a budget and if £5m was even under discussion to land him he's the sort of bargain that a team in Everton's position could really work with.
Right. Back to the day job. Feel free to send me a cut of any winnings off the Everton tip.
Mystified By A Move
I have two questions for one Emanuele Giaccherini; 1. Having just cemented your place in the Italian national team, why the flying f*** would you choose to move to Sunderland? SUNDERLAND??
2. Would you really play alongside Pirlo, Tevez and Llorente or Colback, Graham and Wickham?
Seriously though, have you ever seen another player jeopardise his international career so blatantly?
Greg Tric, Nairobi
Greatest Own Goals Of All Time
I'll see your Jamie Pollock and raise you a Festus Baise.
You cannot have a list of the greatest own goals without this majestic effort.
...How is this Rio Ferdinand beauty not on your list?
Tony (brap, brap) Pintos - CFC
...As a Liverpool fan I should find it upsetting, but it's a such perfectly executed first time lob from Ronnie Whelan I can't help but admire such a beautiful finish.
How this didn't make your list I'll never know, blah, blah, etc.
...Can't believe Frank Sinclair's precise, bottom-corner finish against 'Boro from thirty-plus yards hasn't made the cut. The fun starts at 2.20.
...Just to add to the top ten own goals. Though none of these are amazing finishes surly this should have been included just because of the fact Michael Proctor managed (unfortunately) to score three..i repeat THREE! own goals past his keeper (though there is an argument he didn't actually get a touch on the first, I'll leave that up to others to decide). this is pure bad luck but great to watch.
Alex (this won't be our year, but it could be next year...or maybe a few more years after this year, who knows) LFC
Mediawatch was even more epic than normal today...
Not only was the greatest word I have ever heard used, f*ckc*ntery. But, we also had a killer cow!! Almost made me forget that said cow hadn't even severed any penises.
Well done Mediawatch, well done!!
Tony (f*ckc*ntery, f*ckc*ntery, f*ckc*ntery!!!) CFC