One Mailboxer may have spent lunch in the pub in suggesting Van Persie could go back to Arsenal. Also, some Premier League meh-ing and a fine Acewatch suggestion...
Even the lesser teams have players like Luis Suarez and Romelu Lukaku so it's all bloody good fun. But mostly the mailbox features United fans being told to grow up...
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Dear Real Madrid
You won half of your record European cups when about 4 teams were in the competition during the stone ages.
You've won the same amount of these trophies as Manchester United since 1968. Three in 45 years.
You haven't even been in a final for 11 years.
You have won the league once in five years.
You couldn't beat Barcelona so resorted to violence and having the excuse of red cards as a reason why you lost.
Your club is a circus.
Why do Madrid think they are THE football club? Why do other people think they are so great? I can't stand them, their arrogance off the pitch despite the underachievement and knobheads on the pitch (Ramos and Pepe make me heave) is ridiculous.
Gareth, mate, do yourself a favour and ask Barca to go there instead. Or Bayern. Or United. Or stay at Spurs. Just what is the point of playing for a revered club who actually live in the past? Might as well play for Liverpool.
Selling Nani = Blunder
I cannot be the only one who believes that selling Nani could be one of Utd's biggest blunders (itself a hard feat what with all the pissing around with Ronaldo/Fab etc..) this summer? So far they have managed to sign a 2M back-up right back and no-one else. Obviously there may still be signings to come but that may take a while as the Execs seem intent on submitting bids for blatantly unrealistic targets Re: Fabregas.
So surely the priority is to keep the Premier League winning squad intact? Adding to that, we have 3 senior wingers in Nani, Young and Valencia, of whom Nani is really the only one who can win you a game. So the possibility of selling him borders on idiocy. Having said that, it's is comforting to see Zaha and some others youngsters shining in pre-season. I know there are those out there who don't rate Nani because of his "inconsistency" but bearing in mind he was injured for the large part of last season, he is still miles ahead of Young and Valencia if nothing else than for pure entertainment value. At least he can take on a man, beat him and score, rather than run down the line and cross in a hopeful ball ala TonyV style.
So basically Moyes, don't sell Nani.
Whither, James McCarthy
As United's acquisition of Fellaini acquires the crushing inevitability of a bout of prostate cancer, the absence of one name from the list of potential targets does baffle me. Why does James McCarthy not receive more attention?
He was a versatile but consistently impressive player for Wigan last season, is excellent breaking up play in a double pivot, can pass long and short, and tends to play by quickly recycling the ball forward or wide (much like carrick). Given he'd cost relatively little, and that his presence in the squad would relieve Anderson of the need to ever leave the canteen, he's well worth a try.
He wouldn't be a panacea for United's midfield (that was Javi Martinez, or possibly Pogba), but he'd be an effective and reasonably priced acquisition, who would compliment United's style of play.
Spurs: Won't Win The League
Following on from what will now be the Monday Afternoon Mailbox, I'd like to chip in on the email from Richard, Cambridge's mail - not his mail specifically, but on his idea that Spurs are his tip to win the league.
Without wanting to upset Spurs fans, there is no way Tottenham will win the league next season.
Yes, Lloris is a quality keeper - possibly the best in the league. But having a "solid enough" back 4 isn't enough to win you the league unless you score a metric f*ck-ton of goals. Also, their defence is barely "solid enough" anyway - when a few people bang on about Younes Kaboul coming back, they do so on the basis that a) he'll slot seamlessly back into the squad at the same level he was pre-injury and b) that he was really that good to start with. He is a good defender - but good enough to make them go from 5th to 1st? Also, I'd have said that if you're depending on BAE and Walker as your full-backs (IF you play Vertonghen at centre back - I appreciate that this isn't a given) then you're not solid at all.
Midfield - yep, very good here indeed. Sandro, Paulinho, Dembele with Bale and Lennon on the flanks. But who comes in for those players? Dempsey is probably the very definition of "solid enough", Sigurdsson doesn't exactly set the world on fire and Chadli is unproven. Then you've got THudd, Parker and Livermore in the middle - this is a massive drop in quality from the starting line-up.
Finally, the strikers. Levy will probably sort the Soldado thing, and Defoe is an effective sub or second striker in a two (not a "second striker" but you see my point). Again, Soldado is unproven at Premiership level - yes, this is a massive cliche but one should never assume that a player will settle immediately. For every Torres, there is a Shevchenko, for every Van Nistelrooy an Afonso Alves.
Ultimately, Spurs will have a very good starting XI next season. Best in the league? Probably not quite. But depth wise is where they really fall short. It was said several times that United didn't have the best team last season, they had the best squad - there is definitely some truth in this. When you consider that United's fifth-choice centre back is probably Chris Smalling, that their third choice striker last season was Hernandez and their second choice wingers were probably Young (unpopular but pretty effective) and Nani (mercurial but hugely talented) you can see the size of the gap that Spurs need to bridge. They can probably do this if they bought 3-4 more players but whether they can do that without selling their one proven match-winner, I'm not so sure.
I like Spurs, and would like to see them do well (preferably not at the expense of United!) - but it's a big gap to make up from last season. I think the managerial changes are massively oversold - for example, Ancelotti won the double in his first season. And all of the three sides (Chelsea, City, United) either have better starting XIs or squads than Spurs.
But - I say again, Tottenham will not win the league this season.
Jonny. MUFC. Looking forward to this being copy/pasted in May by jubilant Spurs fans as United slide to 5th place...
Ok Pepe. Lets recap.
You told the club if Barca came in for you, you'd like them to consider it.
And you're surprised you were replaced and sent packing?
Sorry Pepe. You were a great goalie for us and you're a great guy but that's taking the piss.
I'm not Rodgers' biggest fan but this is his gutsiest decision yet.
E. McHale, LFC
Rather than pen that open letter to fans, I actually would have liked him to remind me the last time he saved a penalty. I can't find it anywhere.
Apparently if you type 'Pepe Reina penalty save' in google it comes up with 'did you mean Pepe Reina concedes penalty?'
Seriously. Could any Liverpool fan remind me of the last time he saved a penalty? I would genuinely like to know.
On a side note, is anyone else imaging Reina all misty eyed at his computer desk at 1.30am, with a bottle of wine polished off and on his last few sips left in his near-empty glass, just thinking about all the good times he had at 'Pool with the gentle purr of super tramp humming in the background, as he gathers his thoughts and collates them into perfect keystrokes on to his website...
Pepe's wife is woken by sobbing...
Pepe's Wife: Honey, are you crying?
Pepe: No, I've been petting the cat again and my allergies have flared up. Go back to bed.
Or is that just me?
Justin LFC. (Not that sad that he's left, to be honest!)
Yes Ashraf, LFC, the debate should definitely be between who is better between a player who excelled in 64 games for Chelsea in his first season in Europe and England having moved over aged 20, and the player who managed 40 games in 3 years for Inter Milan before being cast off as he couldn't make the grade at the highest level.
A player who at 21 has become an integral part of the Brazil side who are currently priced as favourites for next years world cup, or the player who's sole international cap came 3 years ago in a friendly against Iran!?
I'm sorry Ashraf, but a good performance against Thailand in a meaningless pre-season friendly does not a quality player make. Let me guess, you also believe this is Liverpool's year??
Coutinho flattered to deceive at Inter and I don't think anyone should be shocked if he flops in the Premiership this season.
Happy Times At Villa
Well this is turning into pretty close to the perfect summer for Villa and Lambert. We've 6 new signings, all came in weeks before pre season started. Benteke signed a new contract after Lambert got to speak to him and the agents poison was removed.
Now we're finally getting rid of the last of the high paid deadwood, Bent is going to Fulham or Newcastle, Bannan is gone to Blackburn, Hutton back to Malaga and Given on loan to Doncaster if he can't find a prem club. While negotiations to cancel Irelands contract with a payoff will happen soon enough.
These offloads give us scope to bring in that creativity in midfield that we've lacked. Possibly a decent enough outlay of 6-8 million before the window shuts. It also puts the club finally back on the perfect platform to build upon. With plenty of free sustainable scope in the wage bill for the precise and more select signings in future windows.
It's great to be under the radar and I am certain Villa will be underestimated this season, with all focus of opposition placed on Benteke rather than the rest of the team.
None Of Us Smoke, But We Do Go To The Sandwich Shop Quite Often
When leaving the office late last night through the back door, I noticed two small signs in the loading bay of the building next door - 'Sky Sports' and '365 Media Group'.
I've read your website almost daily for several years and only just realised you're in the office next door. I appreciate that my proximity to your office is not that interesting but I probably walk past you guys whilst you're having a tab fairly regularly.
Keep up the good work.
Dave (Not a stalker), Leeds