That's the advice from a Liverpool fan who knows a thing or two about joshing from rival fans. Plus, Andy Townsend as eye candy and answers to Martin's question...
Yes, that means we have some cracking mails on Andy Townsend. We also have a selection of the dozens of retorts from Gunners to a Liverpool fan and much more...
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This transfer window is giving me an erection.
That is all.
Ramsey Better Than Paulinho?
'Signings alone in the last two seasons show Spurs as the stronger outfit' says TJ. Well yes, perhaps. But points beg to differ, fortunately. On signings alone, Southampton, Norwich and most of the division are stronger than Arsenal this summer. Does it mean they'll finish higher? Hopefully not!!
Anyway, TJ just assumes that because Spurs have spent loads that we'd want all their signings? I actually don't care/really know enough about the guys they've signed, the point is more 'I'm jealous Spurs are buying, not who they're buying'.
He actually says the £26m for Soldado is the one he's unsure of, but of all of their signings he's the one I feel Arsenal really could've jumped on. He won't be the superstar Bale is/was but he'll certainly bang in the goals.
Lamela and the Romanian centre-back I don't know enough about, Chadli will be a fringe player and Paulinho I wouldn't have over Wilshere/Cazorla/Arteta/Ramsey really from what I've seen of him. Capoue would've been a decent addition for us to be fair.
So that's 2/6 I'd really have.
Then again, if Sanogo and Flamini are to be the only signings, it's got to the stage where I'd just be happy for us to spend a fee on somebody.
Joe, AFC, East Sussex
We've Been Here Before
So here we go again. It's August, the transfer window is still open and already Spurs fans are telling everyone how they are going to crack the top 4 this season and finish above the red half of North London. I had to have a wry smile at TJ's letter yesterday and his astonishment that Theo Walcott believes that Arsenal are stronger than Spurs.
It may be that Walcott is right, it may be that he is wrong and indeed Spurs do finally finish above us in the league this season. But to respond with such incredulity that Spurs "easily have the better team" when all the evidence we have to go on is two games, in which Spurs have failed to score from open play in either, reeks of déjà vu.
"Spurs are a club that are definitely going forward. There's no reason why we can't catch Arsenal, which makes this season so exciting" - Darren Bent 2007
"We can definitely overtake Arsenal next year" - Jermaine Jenas 2008
"If you look at the last four or five years, Arsenal have always got ahead of us slightly, but if you look now, it's certainly even. And if you look at the squads, the bench we have is probably a little bit stronger than their bench" - Robbie Keane 2009
"When everyone is fit, we have a squad that can match Arsenal" - Harry Redknapp 2010
"Arsenal are still ahead of us in the Premier League but we are getting alot closer - soon we will be above them in the league" - Peter Crouch 2011
"There's no reason why we can't finish above them" - Gareth Bale 2011
"I've been saying it for years now, but I feel this year, we are in a very good position to finish above Arsenal" - Ledley King 2011
"Can Arsenal finish above us? No. No chance. We are better" - Rafael van der Vaart 2011
"I think now we have overtaken them on the pitch" - Gareth Bale 2013
For all their activity in the transfer window the loss of Bale is huge. Don't let big fees gloss over the fact that most people hadn't heard of the likes of Chadli, Lamela and Chirichi before the season started. Eriksen was plan B after Willian and even TJ asks "why is no one else going for this awesome player?" Why indeed - perhaps this will be revealed and he actually ends up being the next Holtby.
All I'm saying is, it may look good on paper but I've seen nothing on the pitch so far to suggest that Walcott's comments are wrong, despite what over-excitable Spurs fans may think.
Ewok (hoping for a bigger squad come 2 September), London.
As an Arsenal Fan, I can honestly tell TJ that I don't think any of Spurs new signings would improve Arsenal's first eleven. I also think that you can't be sure that they'll improve your team either, especially as Bale is about to leave and he was responsible for around a 3rd of your points last season.
Yes you have a bigger squad of players but i honestly believe we have better players than you, we just need greater numbers and better quality than what we already have.
Yes Spurs have splashed the cash but there's been a lot of clubs spending big and didn't go for the players you have got, which leads me to believe that they're not actually as good as you might wish!!
John, Arsenal, London
Don't Forget Wages
I, like every other Spurs fan at the moment, am over the bloomin' moon. It is unequivocally the best 'transfer window performance' of any club, anywhere, ever and it is down to our greatest asset: Daniel Levy. Before Chelsea and Man City fans start to mentally reel off the stellar list of names that your owners brought in - hold your horses (if you have any). I am not suggesting that Spurs have brought in the best players in the world but one look at the figures involved mark out Daniel Levy as a flippin' genius.
My - addmittedly back of a fag packet - calculations are thus: Incoming Transfers: Soldado (£26m), Chadli (£7m), Capoue (8m), Paulinho (£17m), Lamela (£30m), Eriksen* (£10m - TBC*) Outgoing Transfers: Bale* (£90m - TBC*), Dempsey (£6m), Huddelstone (£5m), Parker (£2m), Caulker (£8m)
Therefore, we have overhauled our squad with real quality to finally bridge the gap and give the big 3 a bloody nose for a profit of £13. That's a profit. Of £13m. Stunning.
We haven't even touched the dirty great big pile of TV cash that can be ploughed into the new stadium. Now I understand this is largely due to Real Madrid's ridiculous fee for Bale, but so what? Mr Levy negotiated a world record fee that is, by all accounts, approx. 50% inflated. If it wasn't for biology I would happily have his babies.
And just to put a lovely shiny cherry on top, Arsenal have done zip. Naff all. Nothing. Oh happy chuffin' days.
Can't wait for Sunday. It's on, like Donkey Kong.
Nothing Worse Than Baseless Trash Talk
I understand the concept of trash talk, I really do, especially before a big season gets properly underway.
But even trash talk, despite the moniker, must base itself on some platform.
For example, as an Arsenal fan, even if we had secured the services of a top forward like Suarez, I would not presume to speak of winning the title. Simply because we haven't done it for 9 seasons now. Sounds fair?
Then what makes Spurs fans (TJ for example) come out with a swollen chest every year and declare that this year they will really finish above Arsenal? Do they not learn?
Last 2 seasons, we have seen unarguably the worst 2 teams managed by Arsene Wenger. Equally, probably Spurs have seen their best 2 teams for at least a decade with players such as Modric and Bale. Did Spurs finish above Arsenal? What's different about this year? If anything they have lost Bale!
(As for great transfers, these are some of the players Spurs supporters and media thought would take them above Arsenal - Palacios, Parker, Dempsey, Van der Vaart, Huddlestone. Where are they now?)
Gutted to hear Podolski's out for 10 weeks but there is a silver lining for us Gooners.
At least Wenger can't sell him.
Graham Simons, Gooner, Norf London
More Advice For TJ
"Signings alone in the last two seasons show Spurs as the stronger outfit"
Ehhhh actually, I think you'll find that finishing league position is probably a better measure as to who is the stronger outfit. Many expensive players a team doth not maketh. Just ask QPR.
You've also sold your best player 2 years running (Modric and now Bale). So you go ahead and judge how brilliant Spurs latest additions are based on youtube clips and two 1-0 penalty wins.
The prudent move would be to not judge anything just yet eh? Let's wait to see if you implode from Feb onwards (again) before we judge which outfit is better/stronger.
It's Going To Be A Great Battle
I absolutely love that Tottenham are going out and spending the money of the Bale deal before it's even done. I'm not a Spurs fan, but I think it's good business, rather than waiting for everyone to know they have the money to spend.
Slight concern though: Is there going to be too much fresh blood in the squad rendering them rubbish/disjointed and not good enough for a top 4 push, resulting in them losing all these great players because they don't get Champs League football and leaving them in a similar position next summer - i.e. selling their best players and replacing them again?
The race for the top 4 is definitely (theoretically) hotting up though isn't it? If Liverpool can sign a CB and a winger to boost their squad numbers, and Arsenal sign someone, this could be a really tight finish at the top, to supplement the standard top 3.
Without bias, I see Arsenal dropping out if they don't get some decent players in asap, and then Liverpool coming up just short after Suarez throws a Tevez style hissy fit and Coutinho eventually gets an injury.
With bias, I want Moyes to do well, but I want Utd to stop winning everything - it's boring isn't it?
Nick (Burnley fan) Poninski.
...Last I checked, Arsenal did indeed finish above Spurs in the league even with "inferior" players and a squad apparently nowhere near as good (don't Spurs fans say that every summer?).
Certainly Spurs have been active in the transfer window and we've been .. err...I'm not even sure what you call our transfer activity but you're about to lose Bale who single handedly pulled your team to nearly 4th place and yes, you've gone on a spender bender but for the most part the players you've signed have been uncontested by the bigger clubs so while you've got a bigger squad, you're losing the man who nearly got you CL football on his own and without who, you looked pretty unthreatening for large stretches of the season.
Don't count your chickens yet, Arsenal have had a dire summer but just as people rightly laugh when Arsene says we're title challengers when the league table suggests anything but, I will laugh at you for saying you're stronger despite always finishing behind us.
...A brief response to TJ.
You have Danny Rose, Assou Ekotto, Kyle Walker and Kyle Naughton as your full backs.
You haven't got it remotely sorted yet chap.
Ian (Well aware we've got an atom thin squad - 4 days left!) Dorren, Essex Gooner.
While I agree that players posturing for a move is deeply tiresome. I don't share your desire to eject young Gareth to Madrid with a boot up him (a la Charlie Adam). At Spurs we have a long history of players moving away and one case in particular that caused a great deal of pain and bitterness.
If he's going to go that's fine. If he feels he needs to push a bit that's fine too. At least he didn't let his contract run down and skip off the the mob down the road for nothing.
Bale has been the most notable element in pulling the Lillywhites back up to the upper reaches of English football and he's been a joy to watch while he's done it. It's his fee that's financing this ridiculous supermarket sweep of talented exciting football beef turning up at the Lane. So I'd happily hold the door to make sure it doesn't hit any part of his €100 million arse on his way to Madrid. Farewell Gareth. Thank you for all you've done, and any time you want to come back we'll welcome you back with open arms.
Ruben (COYS in West Country Exile)