If you have anything to say on any subject, mail us at theeditor@football365.com
Mercenaries And Twunts Are EVERYWHERE And They WIN!
I have several rebuttals to the stream of nonsense that appeared in the mailbox today.
1. Dismissing Man City's midfield as rubbish?
Nigel De Jong is in Holland's first 11 and is one of the world's top defensive midfielders. Kompany is also excellent. Elano is a regular Brazil international. SWP is a regular England international. Ireland was the Premier League's best young player last season. Zabaleta is an Argentine international. Petrov is quality. Barry is an England international and a very good payer. There is nothing even remotely rubbish about any of these players. Claiming they are rubbish is absurd. To do so betrays a fantastic amount of ignorance about football.
2. Man City is collecting twunts and mercenaries which won't lead to success?
Man Utd have Rooney and Berbatov (mercenaries and devout twunts - no explanation needed), Neville (devout twunt - no explanation needed), Nani, Anderson, Ferdinand, Hargreaves, Carrick, Owen, and Valencia (all mercenaries who went/stayed for the money) and Ferguson is King of the twunts - no explanation needed. Yet they have won three titles in a row and a European Cup in the last three years. Let's not forget Cristiano 'fake Ronaldo' Ronaldo, another mercenary and devout twunt that led Man Utd to great success.
Chelsea have Terry and Drogba (mercenaries and devout twunts - no explanation needed), Bosingwa, Cole, Lampard, Ballack, Essien, Anelka, Deco, Mikel, Kalou, Alex (all mercenaries who went for the money). They won two titles in a row and a perennial CL and league contenders. They won their titles when Mourinho, a mercenary and twunt (no explanation needed) was there.
Liverpool have Torres, Gerrard, Benayoun, Alonso, Mascherano, Riera, Kuyt, Agger, Skyrtel, Arbeloa, Dossena, Fabio Aurelio (all mercenaries who went/stayed for the money - interestingly, no one I would label a twunt since Bellamy left) and their manager is a mercenary and a cantankerous twunt - no explanation needed. They won the CL and are perennial CL contenders and now league contenders.
Arsenal have Fabregas, Eboue, RVP (mercenaries and twunts - no explanation needed) and Adebayor (yes, he may be lazy and a mercenary but no, he's not a twunt), Gallas, Walcott, Nasri, Rosicky, Arshavin and Eduardo (all mercenaries who went/stayed for the money). Wenger is a twunt and a mercenary too - no explanation needed. They always finish in the top four and the latter stages of CL and they used to win trophies when they had bigger twunts (Dixon, Winterburn, Adams) and better mercenaries (Vieira, Henry, Bergkamp, Pires, Ljunberg, Overmars, Petit).
3. Tevez is a Judas-level traitor for leaving Man Utd for Man City?
If that is the case, then here are some more Judas-level traitors who should be the target of our collective disgust:
- Rooney (left Everton for fierce rivals Man Utd)
- Owen (supported Everton, played for Liverpool, signed for Man Utd - nuff said)
- Cole (left Arsenal for fierce rivals Chelsea)
- Ferdinand (left Leeds for fierce rivals Man Utd)
- Alan Smith (left Leeds for . . . who cares - he's so sh*t)
4. While I'm on a roll, here are my thoughts on some other issues:
- Why do all these clowns writing in about Alonso leaving Liverpool assume that Liverpool won't buy a replacement for him but will instead drop Gerrard into Alonso's position and pocket the money rather than buying another forward either?
- Arsene Wenger has never won anything at Arsenal on a shoestring. Arsenal have a huge wage bill and have spent hundreds of millions on players during Wenger's time despite pilfering the best youth players around the world from the clubs that developed them.
- La Liga is not a two-horse race. It's often a third-horse race with the third horse changing frequently. The only difference with the English league is less TV money and no billionaires. It would only take one billionaire purchasing one of Sevilla/Valencia/Athletico Madrid and bam, la liga's a three-horse race just like England. A second billionaire and you have a Spanish Man City.
- Chelsea turned down 35mil for Terry. I'm trying to figure out who is more insane - Man City for offering that amount or Chelsea for turning it down.
- Real Madrid is the team to watch next season - hands down.
- Wayne Bridge is a very good left-back. Anyone who says he's rubbish is a hateful know-nothing.
- Ferguson is a much bigger a***hole than Wenger or Benitez.
- Anyone who ends his email with 'that is all' should be executed in the most painful manner imaginable. Pompous, facetious, arrogant, conceited d*ckheads - every last one of them.
Mus, Miami
City Fans Will Still Be Laughing
In reply to John Neesom, I'm not sure which Man City fans he's referring to, we never really gave a toss about the other big clubs, apart from beating ManYoo obviously. Now we've been thrust into the limelight I don't quite think we know what to make of it, but will of course stick it to the big boys if we manage to upset a few of them along the way.
The one thing you can count on is that if it does all go tits up then we'll still be able to laugh at ourselves as we've always done, since when you support this soap opera it's sometimes the only thing that you've got! (have a look at Jamie Pollock's own goal versus QPR in '98, you'll see what I mean).
Andy L, MCFC
Oh My Word...Michael Johnson
Being an Aston Villa fan, I have spent much of this close season wondering who MON will replace Gareth Barry with. I would have liked Defour from Standard Liege but knowing O'Neill's apparent unwillingness to spend top(ish) dollar on non-English players I wasn't too surprised when he didn't follow up his interest due to Standard's asking price. I was equally unsurprised when he decided to spend more or less the same amount of money on a crocked Stuart Downing. When Barry joined City I wondered why MON didn't try and nick Michael Johnson who apparently he has showed interest in in the past as part of the Barry deal. He's young,English and what I've seen of him so far he's very talented. However,after seeing today's Mediawatch I now realise why that interest has petered somewhat.
Basically,O'Neill has no problem signing a player like Downing with fitness problems but doesn't really want to sign a player like Johnson with fatness problems.
Kevin Walsh
Some Downing Optimism
Ryan in London - bit of optimism please! Obviously spending £12m on a player who's only got one foot that works (and that foot is injured at the moment, etc. etc.) may look like a risk, but main cause for looking up - John Robertson. The £21m spent on Milner and Ash Young looked unbelievably expensive to begin with, yet within a few months of working with J-Rob, Ash has become possibly the finest old-skool winger in the country; and in between spitting blood in outrage at people daring to try and run their club properly, Geordies spent last September crowing about how Milner couldn't cross the road when we signed him - yet by Christmas he was firing in service to Carew that Beckham would have been proud of.
Also, Downing supposedly created more chances than anyone in the Premier League last season, bar Gerrard and Lampard, which is pretty decent company to be in; and suggests that if Boro didn't have strikers so crap they wouldn't even get into a Blues XI (obviously they'd make the bench), they'd have stayed up last year. Despite some lukewarm England performances, in all honesty Downing's looked a lot better with the 3 Lions on him than Young; and as for him being a Barry replacement, before MON moved GazBaz into the middle, he was bloody good on the left but he was hardly George Best, and I imagine if he'd been toiling out wide for Middlesbrough for most of his career, he wouldn't have looked any better than Downing has.
Look at it this way: we've replaced a 29-year-old fat Judas who, let's be honest, phoned in about 80% of his performance since Rafa started fluttering his eyelashes last summer, with a younger, slimmer model that Capello rates as better than Ashley Young and Joe Cole, and is actually going to give a monkey's about playing for Villa - for the same money.
Neil (time to pull your finger out Ash) Raines
...Having just read the morning mailbox I realise how disliked Downing is. But I'll tell you one thing, you'll change your opinion when you're watching him playing week in week out. He disappoints for England when Cashley is behind him, but looks good with Bridge behind him. Can Capello, Sven, O'Neill, Harry, McClaren etc be a bad judge of player?
For 12M he's a bargain. Now he'll be playing for a more fashionable club the media will fall in love with him just like they have done with Young and Agbonlahor.
Goodbye Downing, I'm looking forward to Adam Johnson tearing up Championship players for arse paper.
Stephen Dennis, Billingham
A Letter From Kenyon
In response to Andy Bull, I hereby confirm that our transfer targets are Franck Ribery and Alexandre Pato and either of these two would be the ideal marquee signing for us.
As of the end of last season we have unfortunately not managed to sign any decent players apart from Yuri Jerk-off and we are not any closer to signing our transfer targets.
Also I can confirm that John Terry is about to leave for Man City for £40 million unless LA Galaxy submit a better offer on our tour of America. Mickey Mouse (owner of LA Galaxy) told me he was considering offering us David Beckham in part exchange, which would be rather excellent. Therefore this is the reason John is travelling with us to the States and he was doing the photoshoot with Ballack because the owner of Man City offered him £500 000 to do it so as to get the hopes of Chelsea supporters up. I think you'll agree it was a truly superb idea by Man City and I applaud them for It.
In terms of plans for the future, to increase our fan base we have decided to sign a duck instead of Alexandre Pato and a frog instead of Ribery. I assure you that they are spiffingly good talents, and they will help us become even richer because of the projected merchandise sales these signings will bring at ponds all over Europe.
Simon Jones of The Daily Mail is the only journalist we contact with our targets and I advise you to read his column every day as it is an accurate prediction of what is going to happen next in the transfer market. Everything in The Daily Mail is always real and true, and for this reason after Yuri we will be pursuing no foreign targets and all players signing for Chelsea (including the frog and the duck) will be made in England as of now.
I hope this has enlightened you and all readers of F365 that I really am a genius and you shouldn't worry.
Peter (who's the most brain dead numpty t*** now?) Kenyon
Honesty Is Not The Best Policy
That has happened before, and the result? Said player is labelled a mercenary and nobody liked him since. If honesty was really a desirable trait, then everyone would love Pascal Chimbonda, who has openly admitted to wanting to move to clubs who pay him more. But when he issued that statement, everyone was deriding him as a detestable scumbag who sullied their favourite sport with thoughts of money. The truth is, most people want to hear nice things and not the truth. Otherwise, you would tell your wife, "Dear, that dress does not make you fat. You are fat."
TJ Han, Riuva
The Lure Of Real Madrid
In a recent mailbox someone was asking why players want to join Real Madrid ahead of Barcelona, Man Utd and AC Milan.
Aside from the obvious reason of the amount of money Real pay their players relative to the other teams, I think a big advantage they have at the moment is that many of the best young players (under 25) at the moment would have been at an impressionable age when the previous collection of Galacticos were first playing for Madrid (2000-2003).
Any young aspiring footballer, especially from mainland europe or south america would have loved watching Ronaldo, Zidane, Figo and Roberto Carlos all playing together and will have formed an impression that Madrid is a club where the very best players play. By maintaining the Galactico strategy, Madrid will ensure the next generation of young superstars will want to come to Madrid in the future.
Dan, Edinburgh
Spot The Silly Transfer
So let me get this straight. Sunderland pay £12 million for Peter Crouch, Villa £12 million for Stewart Downing and Liverpool £17 million for Glen Johnson and yet its Alex Ferguson's decision to sign Michael Owen on a free and that's been questioned.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Robert Melia
Football Clubs As Women
Everton - Danii Minogue. Not bad but you wouldn't mind 'accidentally' slipping into her sister's room one night.
Arsenal - Vanessa Paradis. Gallic, extremely hot in the past.
Newcastle Utd - In the 90s, Carry-on era Babs Windsor. Currently Eastenders era Babs Windsor, but still a carry-on.
Manchester United - Jenna Jameson. Been doing it a long time, still causes the occasional orgasm.
Chelsea - Paris Hilton. Not that fit at all if you look closely but absolutely minted.
Liverpool - Susan Boyle. Nearly love, maybe next year?
Aston Villa - that granny Wayne Rooney allegedly did the business with. Elderly club, long history in the game with a dependable but slightly disappointing finish.
Neil (lost interest after 7, hopes the granny thing isn't libellous) McX
...Leeds United: Viv Nicholson
Jonathan Sowerby
