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It's Rubbish...
No, not Robbie Keane. I'm talking about the pinnacle of European domestic football, the Champions League. For all the smugness surrounding the latest round of CL matches - specifically relating to the excitement and shocks provided, it's still the same old processional march to the quarter-finals and onward. Rubin Kazan managed one of the greatest results in their history, and what will it get them? A footnote in the end of tournament round-up, looking back at those plucky little teams who made up the numbers so proudly, if they're lucky. What a fantastic reward for such an achievement. Had this been a knock-out competition, this would be a result that lived on in the memory for years to come. As things currently stand, come March it will be just an inconsequential blip in Barcelona's season.
One round of surprise results means nothing. That's the entire point of this qualifying stage: ensuring that the occasional shock doesn't prevent the select few from reaching the latter rounds. Fans of those same clubs can preen themselves over the thrills on offer, but the very fact that the 'evidence' ALL stems from one single (admittedly entertaining) round suggests that this is the exception that proves the rule, rather than indicative of a truly enthralling competition.
Mailboxers missives on the matter, and Mediawatch's amusement at those foolhardy columnists who questioned the CL's entertainment value, suggest that the CL is a place full of dramatic upsets and big teams with bloodied noses. Let's be honest; that is utter bollocks. Look at the current groups: FC Zurich, having humbled a giant at their own home, sit bottom of their group. The team they beat, in one of the shocks of the tournament, sits at the top of the group. Yes, the CL truly is a thrill-ride. Who knows how it's all going to pan out? Oh yeah, every-fucking-one. Are Kazan going through at Barca's expense? Have FC Zurich ousted AC Milan? No, and no.
Give the competition a proper knock-out format, and perhaps we can stop believing that UEFA exists to fund the absolute minority of clubs - the G14 mafia - who deem themselves above such ignominy as early-stage knock-outs, and that it works to ensure that the CL takes place on as disparate a playing field as possible. Until that, the CL will ALWAYS be seen as the cash-cow; a competition that is as close to rigged as possible. I'm surprised UEFA even bother to let the likes of Debrecen and Rubin Kazan in, when their offerings clearly aren't wanted. Then again, I suppose it makes it easier to give them the patronising 'Didn't they do well?' pat on the head, before packing them off and letting the real teams play.
Thayden
And Carrying On Thayden's Argument
So, this weeks round of CL was not as predictable as normal.
Whoop di woo.
The Champions League is boring on many levels, not just because results are easily foreseeable. The format is numbing. The seeding skews every draw and same country teams are kept away from each other, again skewing the draw. It is just not a proper competition, just a mega buck producing playground for the bully boys of football.
I used to be scared sh1tless every time I watched an English team in Europe. Every game, every English team was capable of getting an absolute tonking off of the European superstars of old, but, tonight Fulham will probably give ROMA a spanking! Competition was alive, an English victory was taken in with pride, it meant something.
Man U, Chelski, Liverpool and Arsenal will probably fill the semi final spots this year, and the only fear I will be subjected to is that of not getting an Arse Chelski final. Please not an Arsenal Chelsea final.
The last exciting game in the Champions league was when Liverpool were on the verge of an absolute tonking from Milan in Istanbul. Probably before that, it was the Man U game at Old Trafford where the real Ronaldo scored a couple of beauts, and the score finished about 5-3, brilliant.
Plus Spurs aren't in it.
From,
Ash (who knows Liverpool wont make the semis, but I had a point to make and who ever lets facts get in the way of a good story. AND that Fulham are in the Europa Leauge not the CL, dur) Spurs fan from Bedford
Loving Jurgen
Watching the Euroballs coverage this week, I was surprised to discover that I love Jurgen Klinsmann. Now, I'm no Sp*rs fan, nor German. So why? Well, there he was, sandwiched between Glenda Hoddle and Graeme Souness, who were trotting out their usual cliched observations (e.g. Souness: Ar$enal need a "leader" at the back - translation: Vermaelen should kick people more/harder), and there was Klinsmann, keeping schtum and taking it all in. He even sat back quietly while Souness talked about how effective his own management style (intimidate everybody in your team) was, which presumably comes as a bit of a surprise to fans of Newcastle, Blackburn etc. Needless to say, all this was conducted in sub-GCSE standard English, brimming with non-sequiturs and conflicting statements.
Then it was Jurgen's turn. And, with far superior command of English, he made a couple of pertinent observations of his own, and then modestly referred to how lucky he had been to get to manage Germany (extremely well) at the 2006 world cup. He even hinted that he might be open to offers from an English club.
So please Sky producers, more Jurgen and less of the others.
Mick Hatcher, Bristol
Heskey Appreciation
How lovely must Emile Heskey be?
Out of 4 clubs that are reported to be 'interested' in him in the papers today, he has already played for 3 of them who obviously miss the bear of a man in the dressing room.
I would like to start a rumour that Leicester are also keeping an eye on developments so we get a full house of his past clubs.
James (obviously nothing to do with lazy Journos) Squires
From Belfast...And Probably Opening Up A Giant Can Of Mailbox Worms
Moving on to more pressing concerns I have something I need to vent after years of suffering this boll***s. I am in work and the radio is on. I work in Belfast (live, breathe, eat and ***t there too) and the local radio took a break from playing Cheryl Cole for 5 mins to update us on the news. I quote newsreader as follows - "And now for local sport and Celtic face an important European game tonigh.." - Local sport LOCAL???
This is a subject that has pissed me off for years. Celtic and Rangers are listed in the local sports news football results and are the mainstay of our local sport on radio despite the fact that the Irish Sea and common sense dictate otherwise. I am from Northern Ireland and while I couldn't really give a rats ass if Glentoran, Cliftonville or Linfield win, lose or draw I should still be told this and only this in my local football bulletin. I am expected to be a Celtic fan because I am a Catholic in Ireland, and I am expected to hate Rangers with the passion of a Liverpool fan defending a crap manager or another useless signing. I am expected to forego any sense of logic and blindly accept Scottish football as part of my local sporting life. It is not.
My dad goes to Celtic matches because he does but even he is confused at the Irish flags in the Celtic stands and Union Jacks in the Rangers end. I don't want a political debate here but God I am sick to death of assumed loyalty to a team I couldn't care less about. So for all the BBCni and UTV 'journalists' who no doubt read the F365 mailbox please desist at once.
Please print this as the ensuing sh*tstorm will be a joy to moderate.
Mangore (Brackets are the new brackets) United, Belfast
You Say...
Dear MC of the year (you hear and you fear...)
Please may I respond to Crazy Jates (Valencia is starting to look pretty good. Teach him 2 other moves to go with the one he has and he may be a world-beater!)
Now I am no Berba-ite as he puts it but I do appreciate his class and ability. Sometimes the less initiated, like Mr Jates, do not appreciate the subtle arts of the game that sometimes go unnoticed. Nevertheless, I answer him in the same order:
1. (The target man issue) That is strange because I found him in the box waiting for a delivery time and time again. The one thing about being a target man in the modern game, especially a lone one, is that defenders are more organised and adept at cutting off the supply lines from out wide. Therefore the traditional British attacking tactic of "putting it in the mixer" is seldom effective and chances few and far between.
2. Berbatov's touch and vision is so good that you afford to look to give him the ball even when closely marked. Useful for wall passes, a more modern effect of getting through a parked bus.
3. It his not his style to make runs beyond the last line of defence nor has he got the required pace to do so. There are many different ways of playing and although this is a disadvantage to his game you should note his movement to find space from a defender over three/four yards. He also tends to drop deep now and again.
4. Not the greatest of workers when defending, no, but personally I would prefer him saving his energies for attack and, for that matter, his positioning (see 5 below). In attack he is always showing for the ball.
5. Harrying defenders is all well and good but you may needlessly waste energy, lose your positioning and create holes for the opposition to use to their advantage. You should look at how many modern forwards, especially on the continent, tend to mark and defend spaces rather than chase the ball or players.
6. Yes, I agree. He needs to cut that out. Very bugging when he shrugs his shoulders and opens his palms every time he doesn't get the ball. Even more so when his next pass goes astray too.
7. The days of Dixie Dean and Nat Lofthouse have long gone.
8. It means he thinks highly enough to start him.
9. Dipstick
I would be interested to know Mr Jates quintessential definition of a luxury player is. And the less said about swapping him for Crouch or Kuijt the better. I take it you think yourself as a Man Utd fan, like I, but you cannot be much of one if you cannot support your own players. I would like to think that Berbatov performances would have drastically improved had he had the confidence of 'fans' such as yourself. And why you would care about his price I do not know. Are the Glazers borrowing from you too?
Big John Bailey, Swattingham (Appreciating the length of this email but hoping MC will consider its efforts and merits for it to be published)
...Crazy Jates, the best way to get your view across regarding Berbatov is probably not to list his (supposed) shortcomings, then follow it up with "I'm not saying the guy isn't talented he is, maybe one of the best in the world technically". Kind of puts a hole in your argument. Keep it up though, with a bit of luck the 'Berbatov out' campaign will snowball and we can have him back at Spurs.
And I was also surprised to read you'd swap him for Couch. I presume you're referring to Jane Couch, the Fleetwood Assassin? She might add a bit of steel to the attack but let's face it, her best days are probably behind her.
Shaun MC, Warwickshire
...Dear Crazy Jates
You beat CSKA 1 nil, who got the assist for the winner? Yup, Berbatov.
I only watched the highlights and every decent move you had he was involved in. He brings players into the game with sublime touches and rarely gives the ball away. He is a class act and laziness aside would get a game at any club in the world.
Get a clue and stop being such a united fan.
Ross (regularly annoyed with clueless football fans), Jersey
...That would be the same Dimitar Berbatov who got the assist for the goal last night and who's off the ball run and crafty back heel provided Anderson with a gilt edged goal scoring opportunity 2 minutes from the end?
This season, Berbatov's been at the heart of most of the quality moves that United have put together. As a target man, his hold up play and ability to keep hold of the ball in tight areas is second to none and he's an absolute assist machine. Admittedly, he hasn't been as clinical with his finishing as he was in his time at Spurs but that's a confidence thing that will be resolved with time. Against Bolton last weekend Jaaskelinen made 3 world class saves from Berba alone, on any other day he'd have had a hat-trick.
Over the last few games, Berbatov's swagger has started to return, hopefully we'll get to see him strutting around that Liverpool backline this coming Sunday. There's holes to be picked and Berba will find them.
Mr Susan (Berbadorer)
....I hate United, but I've got to respond to Crazy Jates
1. He's not a target man. Maybe you shouldn't classify him as one.
2. Most players find themselves offside, and if he's got two players on him while not interfering with play, hopefully someone else can get open.
3. He's a very subtle player, which you may not have noticed. His team mates will soon learn how he plays and when to feed him.
4. He conserves his energy well; he's not an all action player, but is world class when he explodes into action.
5. Let Rooney chase then. Why have 2 people chasing the same ball?
6. Yup, ridiculous that he wants the ball, good point well made.
7. Some strikers aren't great headers of the ball (you name Crouch as a better option, but he seems to struggle with headers on goal). Try playing him in on the deck, or cross to somoene else.
8. I'd suggest it shows that Fergie rates him enough to start him. But what does he know?
9. Nice one. Have a gold star.
I f**king hate fans of the big clubs who never appreciate what they've got. There are plenty of average players out there, Berbatov's not one of them.
Incidentally, I like Valencia. Good to see a player who doesn't crave attention. I think he's starting to get the belief that he deserves to be there.
Yours,
Northern Monkey
Two Goals And He's Still Awful
Could Kalou be any worse? I have never been more angry at a player for scoring two goals for us because it now means we've got another sodding month of him being striker number one in the pecking order when Drogba or Anelka are out.
His finishing is awful (okay this is badly timed after his goals but a donkey could've scored them), his passing is awful, he can't beat a player, he makes Walcott look like Mr Muscle and his ball retention is SHOCKING. The only team he'd get into in the league is Pompey. And Maybe Hull.
I understand Ancelotti needing to give him chances, especially with the transfer embargo and African cup of nations coming up, but its really taking the p**s now.
To be honest, I haven't seen much of Sturridge but he cant be that bad. He must be wondering what the hell he has to do to get a chance ahead of kalouless.
Chelski Ollie (even Di Santo's better...although on second thoughts..) London
A Partial Defence Of Deco
To Andy G, Cheshire Chelsea, looking forward to Joe's return.
Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that Ballack did very little last night, other than make the most of a few challenges before realising that the ref wasn't going to give anything; I have to disagree with you on Deco.
OK, he still gave the ball away too easily, but some of his link up play was sublime- see the pass to Anelka in the build up to Kalou's miss. He actually looks like he's trying this season, and according to sky sports news, he covered the most ground of any of the Chelsea team last night- 8 miles! Not bad for someone with such short legs!!
Other observations for the obligatory third paragraph- Aguero looked clueless for his 1 on 1 with Cech; Kalou is no good at holding the ball up, Essien had a great game but with a fussier ref would have walked.
Dan Nicholls, also looking forward to Joe's return
The Ears! Think Of The Blessed Ears!
Was it just my ears, or did Martin Tyler, towards the end of the Man Utd game last night, call Nani one of the star performers of the evening? Seconds before Nani blasted another shot 20 yards wide of the goal.
David Glen, Spennymoor
This One Has Made Us Laugh
By the way, your tremendous quote from 'Stylez G' ("I want to spend some pounds. I don't know what that is, but I heard it's more than American so I'm OK with that") urged me to google his name - turns out he was originally born Greg White, but actually changed his name by deed poll to 'Stylez G' in 2008 after his favourite character in, er, Teen Wolf (who was originally called 'Stiles', not 'Stylez' anyway).
I'm surprised if this fella knows how to exchange money for goods and services, never mind how exchange rates work. Plus, he plays NFL, which means he's a pussy (shoulderpads? Is that what businesswomen wear, Stylezy?)
Honestly. 'Stylez G'.
Yours In Sport,
Jimmy Ainsworth
And Finally...
Loved the Arsene Wenger quotes...could be the start of a new trend...When he turns sixty, will you be printing sixty of Conor Byrne's top emails...or have you already done that this month?
Ger Scully AFC, Ireland
But Not Quite Finally
I'm loving the irony of Ian, Auckland venting his spleen about the internet on your site...classic.
Steve Robinson, Kent
