Mediawatch

A Cad About Town
You know the crushing feeling when you've been dumped by a girl clearly out of your league, then see them being squired around by a manlier, more successful, more impressively mustachioed cad about town?

Yes? Then you can probably identify with Avram Grant at the moment, as he sees Luiz Felipe Scolari making good with the apple of his eye in west London.

And in the fine tradition of a jilted suitor, Avram has been whining about it to anyone that will listen, and most that won't.

From The Daily Mail:

'Avram Grant, who was axed after losing the Champions League Final to Manchester United despite also finishing second in the League and Carling Cup, said: "I like Scolari very much, as a person and coach. I wish him the best of luck but he will soon realise he has his work cut out.

"He will do well to match what I did last season but even that was not enough to keep me in the job."

Hmmm. Well, winning something might be a decent start Avram.

And if we were you, we wouldn't be calling attention to your respective trophy cabinets, given that one contains the World Cup, two Copa Libertadores and five assorted Brazilian league titles, while the other has four Israeli league titles in it.

We'll assume you can work out which is which.


What An Insight
'CHELSEA EXPOSED' wails the headline from The Sun.

'Unseen pictures of a dramatic season at Stamford Bridge' continues the paper, damn near soiling themselves with excitement.

And what do these 'revealing' and 'behind the scenes' pictures show us? Well, there's Ashley Cole playing the piano, and, errr, John Terry larking around in the snow.

Juicy.


Mihir's Little Black Book
As the BBC's sports editor, Mihir Bose is certainly providing the license fee payer with the maginificent value for money promised to us by Beeb suit Fran Unsworth upon Bose's appointment in 2006.

"Mihir brings an encyclopaedic knowledge of sport, together with an unbridled passion for the subject" bragged Unsworth.

"Add to that, his ability to explain the most complex of stories and a fantastic catalogue of contacts."

And boy does he come up with the goods yet again in his latest blog on the BBC Website, explaining to us mud-soaked simpletons the minutiae of Michel Platini's recent trip to check on Poland and Ukraine, ahead of the pair hosting Euro 2012.

Bose clearly used his fantastic catalogue of contacts to come up with the following exclusive gem.

"Uefa confirmed to me this week that there is no Plan B."

Did they Mihir? Did they really confirm to you?

Are you sure you didn't just read the following quotes from Michel Platini, widely reported by assorted news agencies and countless newspapers and websites on June 28?

"We will do everything we can to ensure Poland and Ukraine host it and there is no backup plan."

It's a good thing that Mihir is keeping up the Beeb's motto to inform, educate and entertain. Where would we be without his insights? The gutter, that's where.


Keeping His Head Down
'Mike Ashley has kept a low profile as Newcastle chairman', claims The BBC Website.

We're not sure looning it up in the Newcastle director's box wearing a slightly ill-fitting replica shirt, mucking in with the proles for away games and taking Fat Sam out on the lash in Geordie land exactly counts as keeping a low profile, but what do we know, eh?


Haunting Our Nightmares
Sky Sports News are rather proud of their roving reporters, especially their man in the frozen north-east David Craig, still basking in the glory of exclusively breaking the news of Kevin Keegan's appointment, roughly twenty minutes after the rest of us were reading all about it on the Newcastle website.

Anyway, ahead of his latest vigil, standing over the road from St James' Park and trying not to look too frost-bitten, an SSN anchor (not sure which - it was early) proudly proclaimed:

"David Craig doesn't sleep - he's always on the job."

Good lord. Apart from burning an indelible and thoroughly distressing mental image onto our brains, you have to wonder how he finds any time to do any reporting.


Father Of The Year
Ian Wright seems keen to get his wee lad out of Chelsea.

From The Sun: "I think Portsmouth would be a good move for Shaun. He's won a lot of medals and has done well at Chelsea. But he could go somewhere like Portsmouth and completely resurrect his career.

"Shaun can get people talking about him again like they used to when he was at City. He's only shown flashes of what he can do at Chelsea. But if he's playing regularly I think he can light up the Premier League again because he's a quality player.

"Regardless of what happens now Phil Scolari is in charge, I personally think Shaun should leave Chelsea."

Remind us Ian, who was it who told Shaun to move to Chelsea in the first place?


Blaming Galah
'Benitez Blamed For Barry Fiasco' farts the headline in The Daily Mail.

Actual quotes from O'Neill: "We are disappointed but Gareth has made his mind up to go. He wants to go. That has been the case since June and if Liverpool meet our valuation he will go."


Typo Of The Day
From Sky Sports.com:

'An Achilles complaint restricted Little to just 51 minutes of fist-team football for the Royals last season.'

Sounds painful.


The Commons Touch
After he made the, shall we say 'spicey' move from Nottingham Forest to Derby this summer, some have speculated Kris Commons may have sold his soul in exchange for great riches.

However, it looks like the chunkster may simply have been given a magical crystal ball in return for his signature.

From The BBC Website:

"Paul Jewell is one of the top managers in the country at the moment. Even though they had a disastrous season next year."


Headline Of The Day
'Abramovich Nicks Himself Arshavin' - The Daily Express of all people pull one out the bag. Top work.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'£30m ADEos' - The Daily Mirror.

Runner-Up
'Brazilliant' - The Daily Mirror gets the dreaded one-two.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Fresh watermelon has a similar effect to taking Viagra, according to scientists. But men would have to eat at least six slices to have the same effect as one Viagra tablet - and it's not as 'organ-specific'. Watermelons contain an ingredient called citrulline that can trigger production of a compound that helps relax the body's blood vessels, similar to what happens when a man takes Viagra' - Ananova.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Si Wilkes and Sam Munday. If you spot something for this page, mail theeditor@football365.com, putting Mediawatch in the subject field.