Mediawatch

History Re-Written: Part Un
From the website of UEFA, whose grand fromage is one Michel Platini: 'And so came extra time where in the eighth minute a hopeful France free-kick found its way to Henry, who squared for Gallas to head the goal that takes his country to South Africa.'

So absolutely nothing of note happened between the 'hopeful France free-kick' and the 'squaring', boys? Nothing at all?


History Re-Written: Part Deux
From FIFA.com at 11pm on Wednesday night: 'Five minutes later, France skipper Thierry Henry won the match for the hosts when his angled pass amid a goalmouth scramble was met by the head of Wiliam Gallas.'

From FIFA.com at 11am on Thursday morning: 'Five minutes later, William Gallas bundled the ball home to win the match for Les Bleus after being set up by Thierry Henry, who later admitted that he had handled in the build-up.'


History Re-Written: Part Trois
As well as their ever-changing match report, FIFA.com helpfully put together a guide to the European play-offs, detailing the 'story of the game' and picking a 'key moment' as well as the 'man of the match'.

The key moment? Well, that's obvious surely?

'After 180 hard-fought minutes, the fate of both teams was decided by a moment of drama in extra time. The outcome remained in the balance until the very last second, and when the final whistle was blown the disappointed Irish could hold their heads up high.'

So let's get this right...the 'key moment' was the final whistle? Yes, that's what's dominating the back pages of all the Irish newspapers this morning.


Crystal (Hand)Ball
The headline on The Guardian's sports section yesterday: 'World In Hand. France Ready For Irish.'

The accompanying picture: Thierry Henry.


Just Faking It...
Who better than to give Thierry Henry a lecture in honesty and condemnation of fakery than Tony Cascarino?

'I know that I wouldn't have done what he did,' he thunders in his latest column for The Times. 'In that split second last night when the ball dropped for Thierry Henry, tantalisingly close but just out of range of his feet, it would never have occurred to me to stick out my hand and guide it back into my control. I wasn't that devious.'

How splendid. A lecture of honesty from the 'Republic of Ireland legend' who waited until the publication of his autobiography before he admitted he wasn't actually eligible to play for Ireland. 'I was a fraud. A fake Irishman,' he revealed a year after collecting the last of his 88 caps. And how does Cascarino round off his piece of fury this morning? By disparaging Henry as being 'a faker' of course...


A Return Of An Old Favourite
In the first three paragraphs of the aforementioned piece, the word 'I' makes eight different appearances and 'me' just the three.


The 'Well They Would, Wouldn't They?' Quote Of The Day
"Well, I'd like to think it would be replayed and I think everyone in the squad would like it replayed" - Kevin Kilbane.


Why Platini Really Looked Happy
But Robbie Keane is probably on to something in his comments that Michel Platini would have celebrated the incident. For one thing, Platini is French, and thus it's only natural that he would like to see France at the World Cup. Secondly, if his much-mocked idea of introducing two extra officials to stand behind each the goals had been implemented then Henry's handball would most probably have been spotted.

No wonder Monsieur Platini looked smug - if indeed he actually did.


Like Manager, Like Player
"It happened so quickly that I couldn't see it" - William Gallas.


How Did That Go Then?
'No blame could be apportioned to referee Martin Hansson, who had no chance of seeing Thierry Henry's disgraceful handball which set up his former team-mate William Gallas for the goal which takes France to the World Cup finals' - Graham Poll.

'There will be no World Cup for Ireland and I assume that Team Hansson has also forfeited its right to continue to take charge of major international matches' - Editorial by Aftonbladet, a newspaper in Hansson's Swedish homeland.


Quote Of The Day
"Yes, there is a handball but I am not the referee" - Thierry Henry.

Runner-Up
"We're going to go the World Cup, but we go to the locker-room with our heads bowed. It was not something to be proud of. I'm not going to party" - Bixente Lizarazu.


Headline Of The Day
'French Nickers' - The Daily Mirror.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Placenta Back' - The Daily Mirror reports that Glen Johnson is the latest to have the placenta treatment. It would have worked about 427 times better if he were a centre-back.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Derick Yates. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at the