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The Page That Should Be Here In Long Term
Is the 66-year-old Fabio Capello 'a young coach who can remain in the job long-term'? Oh and Spurs fans should be relieved...
The Page That Suggests A Brew And A Lie Down
Nando's happy, but not according to Auntie, the old tease Hazard, WE TOLD YOU SO and more...
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The Final Word
The sages of the land have had their say on the rioting scallies. Darcus Howe, David Aaronovitch, Zoe Williams, Boris Johnson.
But there's been someone missing. Something hasn't been quite right. A voice has been silent, a voice that will deliver the final verdict on this crisis that has swept our nation.
However, the dark times are over - the guiding light is here friends. Gather round...for Harry Redknapp has spoken.
In an EXCLUSIVE! interview in the paper he's a paid columnist for, The Sun, 'Arry offers his own particular brand of wisdom about the riots, and what may have caused them.
Here are our highlights:
* 'I've had a feeling for a while, for a few years now, that something like this was going to explode somewhere in this country. And, unfortunately, I was right.'
* 'Too many people no longer fear authority and they are not bothered about the consequences if they do something wrong. In any case, they normally end up getting sent to a holiday camp by some politically-correct do-gooder.'
* 'Where are these kids' parents? It simply defies belief. Years ago, we grew up and were respectful to our elders. When I was on a bus, you were taught to stand up and give a lady my seat while you would also hold a door open for a woman. That doesn't happen now.'
* 'I was brought up in the East End of London and we didn't have any money but we had family values. We had good manners, we respected each other and you'd never get hit on the head for a fiver.'
* 'Now, as a football manager, I am dealing with kids who have different attitudes to a few years ago. Not all of them are a problem because I work with some terrific kids. But an awful lot of them simply do not have respect. When I was aged 12 or 13, boys would meet their football manager dressed in a blazer or at least a pair of trousers. Now some of them turn up to see me wearing a pair of jeans with their their a**e hanging out. They just don't care.'
Quite why anyone would possibly care what 'Arry has to say about this, we are not entirely sure.
Like A Prayer
Headline from The Sun: 'NEVILLE TAUNTS RIVALS - LIVERPOOL HAVEN'T GOT A PRAYER.'
Actual quotes from Gary Neville: "Whether they can go on and win the title...I'm not sure whether that will happen this season."
The Confusing World Of The Daily Mail
'Manchester United hope to complete the £35million transfer of Wesley Sneijder after agreeing terms of around £190,000 a week with the Inter Milan midfielder' - July 14.
'Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson says it is time to forget about signing Inter Milan's Wesley Sneijder' - July 18.
'Noisy neighbours' Manchester City have struck a huge blow to their bitter rivals United after snatching Wesley Sneijder from under their noses' - August 6.
'Wesley Sneijder paved the way for a move to Manchester United when he admitted he has spoken to the Premier League champions about a move to Old Trafford' - August 10.
TODAY
July 5: John Cross writes in The Daily Mirror that the Cesc Fabregas saga would be sorted 'TODAY.'
August 11: John Cross writes in The Daily Mirror that 'Barcelona believe they have finally got their man after making a new £36million move for Cesc Fabregas.'
The 'Gays'
All sorts of nonsense in The Daily Star this morning, as they report a poll held by Gaydar - a website aimed at chaps who like to cuddle other chaps - about which footballers they find alluring.
We'll start with the headline, which reads 'GAYS: WE'D LOVE TO PLAY WITH STEVIE G.' Oh dear.
The good news for Steven Gerrard is that he has been voted both the sexiest player AND takes the 'Best Legs' title. Congrats on your double, Stevie.
However, we have to take issue with the winner of another category - Manchester United were voted the sexiest side. Erm, what? Which players are they looking at?
Ryan Giggs we'll give you, and we're informed that there's 'something about' Nemanja Vidic, but who else is tickling the fancy of these chaps? Wayne Rooney? Nani? Rio Ferdinand? Darren Fletcher? Javier Hernandez? Sure, the handsomeness average will have gone up a few points after the retirements of The Neviller and Paul Scholes, but good lord.
Now, we're all off to stare at some bird's boobs, grunt, snort, spit etc.
Badge Kissin'
"I don't care about Sunderland. Even if the newspapers said Chelsea, I wouldn't care. I worry for my team - I love the city, I love the club and I don't care about signing for another team" - Jose Enrique, September 2009.
We Have Our Own Timescale Here
Intro from a website not a million miles from here: 'Everton winger Seamus Coleman faces around six months on the sidelines after scans revealed he has suffered ankle ligament damage.'
Sixth paragraph from a website not a million miles from here: 'No timescale has been put on the 22-year-old's recovery.'
Daily Mail Headline Of The Year
'Breakdown of the family. Single mothers. Soft justice. Drugs. Multiculturalism. Welfarism. Educational failure...for 30 years, Britain's liberal intelligentsia has smashed virtually every social value. In this blistering analysis, Melanie Phillips says we're now paying the price - HOW THE LIBERALS RUINED BRITAIN.'
Slightly disappointing they couldn't get house prices in there. Still, surely there's no way they can top that.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'ArriveCerci' - The Sun announce Man City are chasing Alessio Cerci. Badly.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Rightwing rock fans at a nationalist music festival in eastern Germany were taken by surprise when souvenir T-shirts they were given were emblazoned with a secret anti-extremist message. The slogan on the shirts first read "hardcore rebels" along with a skull and nationalist flags. But once the T-shirts were washed, the tagline turned into a message from a group offering to help far-right extremists break away from the neo-Nazi scene. "If your T-shirt can do it, you can do it too - we'll help you get away from right-wing extremism," reads the slogan on the shirts after their first washing. The shirts were handed to 250 people at a "Rock for Germany" festival in Gera by organisers after they had been donated anonymously. They were provided by Exit, a group which helps people disassociate themselves from the far-right.
'Exit claimed to have pulled off the stunt after contacting festival organisers in the eastern state of Thuringia using a false name, saying they wanted to support the scene while retaining their anonymity. The T-shirts were in lieu of a donation, they claimed. The organisers accepted and dished out the freebies at the festival on Saturday. Twenty-four hours later a warning message was sent from the organisers via Facebook and SMS warning festival-goers that the T-shirts were not all they seemed. "Exit has wasted
