Mike Ashley almost planned the perfect Trojan Horse, the price of fillet steak and Taylor stands alone...
Newcastle spring a surprise and appoint Greg Kinnear as their new director of football...
This Works Both Ways, Joey
Good value Mr Barton, isn't he?
Of course, many different views have been expressed over the past couple of days, and one that keeps cropping up again and again is that the media - papers, radio, TV, even your very own Football365 - victimise Mr Barton. 'If it hadn't been him, you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of it,' is a sentiment that has made more than one appearance in the F365 Mailbox.
And Barton himself complained about that too: 'Imagine if id of stamped on Song, all the numptys would be out calling for a public execution. What cos its on me its alright? #hypocrites.'
And this is undoubtedly true. If it was, say, Jonas Gutierrez who roughly grabbed Gervinho by the lapels then threw himself to the ground, then it would have been a minor issue.
The trouble is that this is a man who has asked for second chances any number of times. He asks to be judged on his current conduct, not his past, but when the number of incidents in his past continue to stack up, it becomes impossible to ignore them.
If a colleague called you a c**t once, you could ignore it, but if that colleague called you a c**t a dozen times, you're less likely to let them off.
Take the 'hypocrisy' issue - Barton claims the media are hypocrites, but in the incident at the weekend he complained about someone throwing himself to the ground under the slightest touch, then threw himself to the ground under the slightest touch. Hypocrisy indeed.
Barton did go on the radio to say he should not have reacted in the way he did, but these apologies are becoming very familiar.
While Mediawatch can't speak for everyone, we would simply say this to Joey - when you stop behaving like an arse, we'll stop calling you an arse.
Under The Radar Weapon
The role of Steven Taylor in Saturday's melee has gone rather underappreciated in Mediawatch's eyes.
For, as you will see if you watch the incident again closely, Taylor was facing the other way when Gervinho's rather brainless yet limp slap made brief contact with Joey's face. Not actually seeing it didn't seem to stop him from insisting to referee Peter Walton that Gervinho had elbowed his teammate.
Of course, when being interviewed after the game, Taylor claimed to have seen nothing.
Good work all round. Take a close look for yourself here.
As you will know, Cesc Fabregas's future was finally and definitively decided today, and at the time of writing should be limbering up to do his seal impression on the Nou Camp turf, juggling a ball for the pleasure of strangers with nothing better to do with their time.
We bring this up, because it's exactly 41 days since John Cross of The Daily Mirror revealed on July 5 that his future would be decided 'today'.
Just a few days out then.
The Torres/Drogba Conundrum
Reported The Independent On Sunday before Chelsea's trip to Stoke:
'Torres injury means no headache for Villas-Boas - Chelsea's new manager knows that Drogba is just the man up front for Stoke.'
A double dose of wrongness. Congrats.
Has Karren Brady been reading Mediawatch? We rather hope so.
From this column on August 5, after Benni McCarthy said Brady was the 'devil with a set of tits': 'Perhaps Benni. But unlike you, she's supposed to have tits.'
From Brady's column in The Sun on August 13, after Benni McCarthy said Brady was the 'devil with a set of tits': 'Nice of him. But Benni, I'm meant to have tits, you aren't!'
Hi Karren! We are available to write more jokes for you - just let us have a go in David Gold's helicopter, please.
Mediawatch isn't usually keen to defend Neil Warnock, but we felt we had no choice after Martin Samuel had a little pop in The Daily Mail.
Samuel attacks Warnock for saying the following: "Kevin Davies showed us what it is all about. He committed seven fouls in the first half and never got booked, then left his foot in and got the foul for the second goal."
And Samuel goes on to write: 'So that's what the Premier League is all about, is it? Undetected fouls and leaving your foot in? And there we were thinking those four Bolton goals away from home might also have a part to play.'
Of course, Warnock's other post-match comments, that Samuel chose to ignore, included the following: "It was disappointing how we capitulated at 2-0 and we are going to have to learn lessons quickly. We defended poorly and got punished, which is what happens in the Premier League.
"Up until the second goal, we created some chances and could have scored, the crowd got behind us. You have to look at all that really and rather than commit suicide, you have to say 'how can I eliminate the errors?' and that is what I am going to try to do."
The Important Issue
As most people were, The Daily Mail were interested to see how Andre Villas-Boas fared in his first competitive game in England and produce an analysis of the Chelsea boss at Stoke.
So how does this paper that complains about the absence of substance and obsession with 'celebrity' in sport kick off their analysis? Tactics? Man-management? Team selection? Not quite:
'In a dark blue suit, white shirt and blue tie, the new man looked every inch as dapper as his compatriot Jose Mourinho. His shoes were shiny enough to reflect his bearded chin. He stayed in that outfit throughout the 90 minutes and his press conference. His tie was still done up at the end.'
Quote Of The Weekend
"I know you all want to speak to the other bloke so I'll be off" - Tony Pulis knows his place in the media pecking order.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Ken They Handle It' - The Sun on Liverpool's opening day. Well, none of their fans read it, so they can more or less write what they like.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Adolf Hitler was the subject of a British 'hormone plot' to lace his food with estrogen as a way of making the Nazi leader less aggressive and more like his secretary sister Paula, Professor Brian Ford has revealed in a new book. British spies came up with the Blackadder-esque idea to smuggle the female sex hormone into Hitler's food as the Second World War raged on with no end in sight, the book claims. Estrogen was chosen for its tasteless properties, Professor Ford explains, and because of the fact it would have a slow and subtle effect, thereby making it able to pass the Fuhrer's food testers unnoticed - unlike poison, for example. 'Research had showed the importance of sex hormones - they were beginning to be used in sex therapy in London,' says the professor, a fellow at Cardiff University and a pioneer of popular science. 'The Allies hoped to smuggle estrogen into