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Wazz
We don't want to take a massive great wazz on Andy Carroll's chips, and it's certainly true that his performances have improved from 'lumbering and execrable' too 'not bad and getting better', but we must take issue with his words this morning.
He said: "I feel like I am doing well. I have just started scoring goals and I am doing well in games. I think it has all come together."
In his last 20 games, Carroll has scored three goals. One against League One side Oldham, one against Championship outfit Brighton and one against Wolves, third-bottom of the Premier League with the fourth worst defence who have just sacked their manager.
So let's not get too excited too soon, eh big horse?
Go And Tell The King That The Sky Is Falling In
As this column said on Monday, there seem to be certain parts of our glorious fourth estate that want to see the back of Andre Villas-Boas. And not (just) because of his (presumably) pert bumbum.
The Daily Mirror this morning gives us a handy panel with a 'timeline' of 'Where it has all gone wrong for Villas-Boas'.This is the Villas-Boas that we should probably remind you is in fifth place with Chelsea, only out of the Champions League places on goal difference.
Anyway, the paper lists the defeat at Old Trafford as the first sign that the sky is falling in. This, let us not forget, was a defeat to the Premier League champions, who had won their previous four league games by an aggregate of 18-3.
The second sign of the coming apocalypse was apparently the Swansea game a week later. 'Torres scores but is then sent off against Swansea. Angry Frank Lampard treated with disdain on the bench,' pants the paper. Chelsea won that game 4-1, and for 'treated with disdain' read 'named as a substitute by not brought on'.
We could go on. Of course, Chelsea's situation is not ideal and they would probably, on balance, just about rather be ten points clear at the top of the table, but this is not quite the shuddering calamity that some parts of the press are telling us.
A Small Thing
Admittedly, this is just a small thing, but it nevertheless causes bile to rise inside Mediawatch like an angry geyser, which probably says more about us than anything else, but bear with us.
John Cross on The Daily Mirror website this morning describes Marcelo Bielsa to be the 'Atletico Bilbao boss'.
That's not the name of the club. It's Athletic Bilbao. Has been since 1903. We noticed this a few weeks ago in The Mirror, but we let it slide, because we're benevolent sorts. Not this time though.
It's more or less the same as calling a club 'Leeds Town' or 'Notts Forest'. Just don't.
Marca-d Your Cards
As an aside, The Daily Mirror reported the above, three-paragraph story tucked into the corner of an inside page as an 'EXCLUSIVE!'
We're sure it's purely a coincidence that the exact same story appeared on the website of Spanish paper Marca at 14.46 on Monday afternoon.
Cheers For Coming, Diego
In his role as king of 'And Who The F*ck Asked You?' quotes, Diego Maradona (who ruled himself out of the running for the England job the other week) was bound to get around to offering his thoughts on Manchester City sooner or later.
And he didn't disappoint, saying of Roberto Mancini: "I believe Mancini, with the players he has, is not daring enough. He's a bit too defensive. Maybe because he is Italian."
Ah yes. Perhaps Mancini (top of the Premier League) should adopt the same sort of swashing of the buckle that brought Maradona (fifth in the 12-team Etisalat Pro-League in the UAE with Al Wasl) so much success at the 2010 World Cup with Argen...oh.
On The Edge Of Sanity
We know delving into the reader comments on most websites is simply a pointless way to get yourself annoyed, and doubly so when it's The Daily Mail, but we feel we must share some of the feedback to an article on their site today.
The piece in question is Neil Ashton's story about the FA's new campaign 'Opening Doors and Joining In', designed to raise awareness about and prevent prejudice against gay people in football. For which, we should point out, The Mail should be commended for highlighting.
You probably know what's coming, so if you aren't keen to start punching the screen in frustration (assuming you disagree with them, of course), then skip past these next few paragraphs.
- 'Yawn. This is all about the gay lobby industry keeping their public funded cushy jobs' - Emma, Eastlands.
- 'I thought that about sixty five percent were Gay. The way that a lot of them play' - Hetrosexual and proud of it, Dorset U.K.
- 'If they find 50 gay players in the Premiership, will they be happy? No of course they won't; they'll then need a gay manager. When they get a gay manager will they be happy? No of course they won't; then they'll want a female manager. I look forward to the day that a gay, black, disabled, female manager leads out the England team, then I can sit back and enjoy the game, in the sure and certain knowledge that all the boxes have been ticked' - Bob, UK
- 'What are the FA playing at? This is ridiculous, they should be focusing on making the England team successful not pandering to the PC Brigade. I despair, is this football or Haringey social services? No wonder we are a laughing stock around the world' - Danielle, London.
We sigh, sigh and sigh again.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Long Haul Game' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Sport at its best is electrifying - but one new game takes the concept a little too literally by allowing players to tackle opponents by zapping them with stun guns. Ultimate Tazer Ball allows players to zap opponents with 300,000-volt stun guns, to induce a muscle spasm which will make them drop the ball or trip over. There have been no official games played but the sport's creators insist it is genuine and claim they are planning to form a league. A promotional video has been seen by more than 1million viewers on YouTube.
'The game's US inventors say the stun guns are designed to deliver eight milliamps of current - well below the lethal dose of one amp but enough to test even the legendary ball skills of Barcelona's Lionel Messi. In the video clip, one zapped player warns: 'If you're scared, don't play.' Another says: 'It hurts, man, it doesn't feel good.' Only the player in possession may be zapped as teams of four compete to manoeuvre an over-sized foam ball into their opponents' net. There are four fledgling teams - LA Nightlight, Philadelphia Killawatts, Canadian side Toronto Terror and San Diego Spartans. Toronto Terror look set to encounter problems at home games, as stun guns are banned in Canada' - Metro.
YouTube Clip Of The Day
And here it is.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters...absolutely flippin' none of you. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.
