What on earth is Rowley going to do without his Popinjay...?
It seems Mike Ashley's sausage fingers were nothing to do with that...
Spurs fans may well have been quite nervous after opening up The Daily Mail website on Sunday, to be greeted with the headline 'Bale bombshell! Welsh winger admits he fancies move abroad as he seeks Champions League'.
Oooh, a bombshell indeed. Let's see what he actually said:
"It would be nice to experience other leagues and other cultures. I've always said I'm not afraid to go abroad. If the time comes and a team that's right comes and in for me, then I'll look at it seriously. I'll see what happens.
"Everybody wants to be playing in the Champions League. Obviously we were unfortunate not to get in there last season but the UEFA Europa League is the next best thing."
Ah. So 'Sure, I'd consider going abroad, that might be nice' isn't quite as bombshelly as the headline would have us believe.
Especially since Bale said more or less the same thing in September ("I'd never be scared of it...It's something I'd like to experience") and indeed in April 2011 ("You never know, but I'm not afraid to leave the country").
But yeah - bombshell. BOOM etc and so on.
You'll no doubt have seen the rather poorly judged and distasteful snap of Liam Ridgewell pretending to wipe his bottom with a £20 note, as published in The Sun on Sunday.
Mediawatch had several reactions, such as 'What shapely and muscular thighs he has' and 'Those twenties don't look terribly absorbent - and think of the paper cuts!' and 'If he was really making a point, why didn't he use fifties?'
However, our reactions didn't include describing Ridgewell as 'The vilest footballer in Britain', as The Sun's headline proclaimed.
Off the top of our heads, we'd place the footballers found guilty of racial abuse, the footballer found guilty of rape, the footballers found guilty of causing death by dangerous driving, the footballer found guilty of assaulting a woman in a bar, the footballer found guilty of assaulting two paramedics and the footballer found guilty of assaulting a policeman above the footballer found guilty of being a bit of a prat, in the 'vile' stakes.
But maybe our moral compass is a bit dicey.
We know Luis Suarez is, to put things mildly, rather good value for the media.
Still, they can rather over-do things, as The Daily Mirror did by writing: 'Brendan Rodgers leaped to the defence of Luis Suarez as a new controversy hit the Liverpool striker.'
And what was this 'new controversy'? He got booked on Saturday for handball.
So, he broke the rules, committed a bookable offence and was booked.
'Steve Bould let rip at Arsenal's flops after Saturday's 2-0 home defeat to Swansea' - EXCLUSIVE! in The Sun.
'Steve Bould branded Arsenal's underperforming flops a big 'let down' in a furious dressing room inquest' - EXCLUSIVE! in The Daily Mirror.
'Arsenal assistant manager Steve Bould accused the current crop of stars of letting themselves and the club down in a dressing room tirade on Saturday' - EXCLUSIVE! in The Daily Mail.
Ever been embarrassed by your Ma? We bet you have. Naked baby pictures, cleaning your face with spit on a hankie, that sort of thing.
However, you've got nothing on the mother of a Rapid Bucharest Under-19s player, who objected in rather robust terms to a foul from a Steaua player.
The mammy in question had to be restrained on the touchline, threatening to kill anyone who harmed her boy.
Take a look here.
Let's Get Juxtaposed
Headline from The BBC Website:
'Gay footballers 'would be accepted' - Southgate.'
Headline from The BBC Website, immediately below:
'Lambert rejects Bent speculation.'
Clarification Of The Day
"Joe Royle sent me a text saying keeping us up would be like turning water into wine or feeding the 5,000 or something. I have never read the Bible, but he meant it would be a miracle" - Harry Redknapp decodes a couple of little-known parables.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Mancini's sick of the Moyesy neighbours' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A man in New Zealand lost his sight after drinking vodka, but thanks to come quick thinking doctors and a €40 bottle of whiskey he regained his sight. We've all heard the expression 'blind drunk' before, well it actually happened to a guy from New Zealand who mixed his diabetes medication with some vodka and then went blind. Luckily for 65-year-old Denis Duthie his doctors knew exactly what to give him, that being a stiff whiskey. Duthie was celebrating his parent's 50th wedding anniversary when he literally blacked out. "I thought it had got dark and I'd missed out on a bit of time but it was only about half-past-three in the afternoon," he told The New Zealand Herald. "I was fumbling around the bedroom for the light switch but... I'd just gone completely blind."
'After rushing Duthie to hospital doctors told his wife to start saying her last goodbyes and it was only when they cut Duthie open for a better look did they realise what had happened. Apparently the vodka mixed with his diabetes medication causing formaldehyde poisoning. Thankfully, ethanol - the alcohol found in alcoholic drinks - can treat formaldehyde poisoning so doctors quickly rushed down to the off-licence and bought a €40 bottle of whiskey and fed it straight into his stomach. Five days later Duthie woke up completely cured. He's now using his newfound fame to warn other people off excessive drinking. "Curtail your drinking," he said to Stuff.co.nz. "Don't do what I did or else you'll be dead" - Joe.Ie..
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Rory O'Halloran, Joshua Graham and Jonathan Hulme. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.