Lawro beats the bookies (as long as you ignore what the bookies do), Tony Pulis makes history and more from the papers...
When Bale is good, it's down to the manager. Apart from when it's Villas-Boas...
This morning John Terry posted this picture on his Instagram account.
Look, we've seen it, so unfortunately we have no choice other than to share it with you.
'EXPOSED - ARSENAL DRESSING ROOM IN TURMOIL' barfs the back page of The Sun this morning, sticking the boot into some already well-booted Gooner ribs, along with 'SPLIT' in massive letters (which itself is cleft in half, as if we didn't know what the word 'split' meant).
And the big 'EXCLUSIVE' in the paper is that Steve Bould and Arsene Wenger might not be getting along too well.
'Arsenal stars fear Arsene Wenger's relationship with his new assistant Steve Bould is breaking down,' writes Charlie Wyett.
'SunSport can reveal tensions are mounting and cracks appearing in the Gunnners dressing room.'
Obviously there are no attributable quotes from anyone at Arsenal, just from a shadowy 'source', but this doesn't necessarily mean there aren't issues in the dressing room. This much we can see.
The first thing to note is that the words from this source don't exactly match up with the headline. He/she said:
"There does not seem to be much communication between the two. It is a shame because all the players are behind Wenger despite the results but equally, they all respect Bould. Things are strained."
So, the players are behind the manager, but he doesn't talk to his assistant a great deal. In the world of the tabloid, that's a SPLIT and TURMOIL.
And secondly, all the details that are splashed EXCLUSIVELY! over the back page of The Sun are included about halfway through Neil Ashton's story in The Daily Mail.
Terrific work from Charles Perrin in The Daily Express, who reports:
'MANCHESTER CITY may look to capitalise in the January transfer window following the news that Nigel de Jong has been placed on AC Milan's transfer list.
'De Jong has been deemed surplus to requirements by the Rossoneri's president Silvio Berlusconi. The Dutchman could be tempted now to swap Serie A and plot a sensational return to Premier League.'
And to back this assertion up, the story includes the following quotes from old Johnny Bunga Bunga himself:
"We're disappointed, it is a real shame for De Jong. We're evaluating the opportunity of going back on to the market if that is what is necessary."
You might be thinking 'They don't sound like quotes about placing someone on the transfer list' and you'd be quite right to.
They're quotes about De Jong missing the rest of the season, which he will after rupturing his Achilles.
So, like we said, terrific work.
The Glorious Return Of Acewatch
Reports The Non-League Daily:
'Steve Housham, manager of Blue Square Bet North club Gainsborough Trinity, has brought former Manchester United ace Mark Wilson to the club.'
That Went Well
June 21: Mido signs for Barnsley. "It's a great signing for the football club and for the profile of the club," said Barnsley's manager Keith Hill. "I am looking forward to working with a player of exceptional talent. There will be plenty of work to be done and that will be a reflection of what we will see on match day. We can't wait to get going."
December 13: Barnsley confirm Mido is set to leave the club. "It hasn't worked out," says Hill.
We did think that we'd experienced just about as much bullsh*t as there was to suffer after the Bradford v Arsenal game, what with the tedious comparisons between how much each side cost to assemble, the assorted caps won by the Arsenal players etc and so on.
However, step up a young man named 'Dynamo', someone who Mediawatch has never heard of and furthermore suspect is not actually his real name.
Apparently this chap is a 'TV illusionist' and thus qualifies as a celebrity fan. He's quoted in The Daily Mail as saying:
"I definitely like to think I had a little input. If we get to the final and you see crazy things happening with the ball, that's me."
No doubt Bradford fans will be wondering where the shuddering f*ck Mr 'Dynamo' has been as they slipped from the Premier League to League Two in seven years.
At the time of writing, Chelsea are beating Monterrey in the Club World Cup.
And, if the formation and line-up on L'Equipe's website is anything to go by, it's no wonder.
Quote Of The Day
"They will be physically cool and they will be cool in every sense" - Hassan Al Thawadi, the secretary general of the Qatar 2022 supreme committee, cracks out his best finger guns/Fonzie impression. Aaaayyyyyyy.
Alanis Morissette Quote Of The Day
"He has got a massive ego" - Stewart Robson gets involved in a pot/kettle mix-up when discussing Arsene Wenger.
"He's having a great time, isn't he?" - Mark Lawrenson sarcastically notes that Michel Platini, pictured looking a bit glum at the Chelsea game, might be a bit of a misery guts.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Call me OKotto' - The Sun produce a whiffy whiff with this stinker about Benoit Assou-Ekotto returning to fitness.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'It might well be one of the most painful ruses a man has ever come up with to get out of housework. But whether it was an honest mistake - as Tomasz Paczkowski insists it was - or not, it will probably be a while before his wife Lila asks him to help out again. For the hapless husband is still nursing a serious injury sustained when he lifted a hot iron to his face instead of the telephone that rang while he was pressing clothes. After Mrs Paczkowski said he wasn't helping out around the house, he decided to do the ironing while she was at work to 'prove a point'.
'Women are always going on about multi-tasking, so I set up the iron, opened a beer and put the boxing on the telly,' said Mr Paczkowski, 32, from Elbag, Poland. 'It started out well, but then I got so involved in the boxing that I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing. So when the phone rang I picked up the iron by mistake and pressed it to my ear.'
'Mr Paczkowski added insult to injury when, dashing to put cold water on the burn, he ran into the bathroom door. 'That gave me a black eye. The pain was incredible,' he said. Medics say he will make a full recovery from the burns, but Mr Paczkowski insists he's off housework - and multi-tasking - for ever' - Metro.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Andrew Donnelly, Philippa B and Richard Benke. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.