The Mail do an about turn on Ronaldo's future, throwing poo at a wall and...
Lawro beats the bookies (as long as you ignore what the bookies do), Tony Pulis makes history and more from the papers...
Timeline Of A Transfer
December 30: Sky Sports News report that Demba Ba is in talks to join Chelsea.
December 31: Sky Sports News report that it is 'unlikely' that Demba Ba will join Chelsea.
January 2: Sky Sports News report that Demba Ba is in talks to join Chelsea.
The Story Of David
Daily Mail, December 21: 'Arsenal are exploring an audacious swoop for Barcelona striker David Villa.'
Daily Mail, December 26: 'Chelsea are preparing to join the dash for Spain and Barcelona striker David Villa as Rafa Benitez seeks firepower to complement Fernando Torres.'
Daily Mail, December 31: 'Liverpool have been rebuffed in a bold attempt to take Barcelona striker David Villa on loan.'
Daily Mail, January 2: 'Tottenham are the latest club to show interest in Barcelona striker David Villa.'
They really want him to join the Premier League, don't they?
Just Good Friends
From the Daily Mail: 'Rafa Benitez added to the intrigue surrounding Micah Richards' unexpected appearance at Stamford Bridge last night by refusing to rule out a move for the Manchester City defender. Richards, who has been injured for most of the season, began the speculation when he appeared at the main entrance an hour before the game.'
And then the speculation should have ended with the realisation that one of his best friends is Shaun Wright-Phillips.
Darren Lewis - desperately trying to be to Tottenham what John Cross is to Arsenal - has been writing on the Daily Mirror website about Spurs' current position in the Premier League and possible qualification for the Champions League.
He writes: 'This time around the Spurs fans I have spoken to are taking nothing for granted even though their run is raising expectations in the white half of north London. Yet surely Spurs cannot blow it from here. If they do, they need shooting.'
Strong words indeed. He obviously feels that throwing away a five-point lead should be punishable by firing squad (presumably that's why Harry Redknapp is in a thousand pieces after that vanishing 13-point lead over Arsenal last season).
Instead of Mediawatch taking the trouble to explain why this is complete and utter nonsense, we will use the words of an esteemed journalist...
'The uncomfortable truth is that Arsenal are just too good. Arsene Wenger is just too good a manager, his side are just five points behind Tottenham with a game in hand. That deficit is nothing when you consider the quality at the Emirates and the fact that Wenger knows the course and distance as well as anyone.'
Mediawatch suspects that you already know who wrote those words...but even we were surprised to find them in the same article. Those flip-flops comfortable enough for you, Darren?
One Or Two
Darren also argues that Tottenham need a new striker. Mediawatch agrees. But we have to quibble with Darren's dismissal of Gareth Bale's goalscoring record...
'Yes, players such as Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon are weighing in with the odd one or two.'
Premier League goals scored by Bale this season: Nine.
Playing Fast And Lose
Oliver Holt on Harry Redknapp in the Daily Mirror: 'And then last night happened. After the court case, losing England and leaving Tottenham, suddenly Redknapp was back.'
Putting aside the idea of anybody being 'back' after one win followed three straight defeats...can you 'lose' something you never had? If so, Mediawatch has lost Sofia Vergara. Boo.
The Daily Mail online's quest for yet more page views (they're now on four gazillion a month) brings us to their new feature - Martin Samuel responding to some choice comments that appear on the bottom of his articles. He starts with his column from November 21 about Luis Suarez. Of course. The golden rule of generating page impressions: Write about Luis Suarez.
For the most part it's pretty predictable fare, but Samuel clearly includes some comments simply to be pithy and dismissive. And you know Mediawatch looks down on anybody being pithy and dismissive...
I wonder who'd get ref of the year. Don't you think it would be really interesting to see the result of a ground-by-ground referendum on that? Jimboin, Preston
I thought sledding was a massive part of sport. Expatmac, Perth, Australia
No, sledding is a massive part of Polar exploration, like huskies and frostbite. Sledging is perceived to a part of sport, but it doesn't have to be. And what Suarez was accused of wasn't sledging anyway.
If John Terry can be England captain then Luis Suarez can be player of the year. Mooroondu, Brisbane
Terry isn't England captain. Keep up.
Translation: the football writers' Footballer of the Year is a popularity contest and therefore worthless. Gray, Liverpool
Translation: you find it hard to grasp some pretty simple concepts and may need to concentrate more.
Yes, we can all be snotty about the spelling of the unwashed masses. It's not big and it's not clever - unlike Martin Samuel himself, who really should know better.
Now, more importantly, which week will he be returning to the column in which he encouraged Joey Barton to come out as a homosexual?
Quote Of The Day
"He is a really good lad and has been brilliant during my time here in terms of as a human being" - Brendan Rodgers on Joe Cole.
Headline Of The Day
'Shaun Of The Dead' - The Sun.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Harry New Year' - The Sun. Awful. Just awful.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Three prisoners used a table leg to pierce a hole in the roof of their cell in a 14th century French penitentiary and escape in the early hours of New Year's Day. The trio climbed onto the roof of the Colmar prison in eastern France and from there entered an adjoining courthouse, where they fled through a side door. The escape highlighted overcrowding and the advanced state of disrepair of an institution originally built in 1316 as a convent, according to prosecutor Bernard Lebeau. "It appears that the ceilings in the cells are made of a crumbly material that was attacked with a makeshift tool made of objects from the cell itself, notably a table leg," he told journalists in Colmar' - The Daily Telegraph.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Joshua Graham. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.