The Mail do an about turn on Ronaldo's future, throwing poo at a wall and...
Lawro beats the bookies (as long as you ignore what the bookies do), Tony Pulis makes history and more from the papers...
Let's kick things off with a puerile one from The BBC Website. You're welcome.
Strange stuff from Arsene Wenger about Michu this morning.
He's quoted as saying: "We had heard of him. He was a guy who disappeared a little bit. He was in clubs where he was bombed out and so you always think: 'OK, he doesn't make it there, why should he make it here?'
"You needed to know really deeply the market in Spain to do that. Michael Laudrup did that because he worked there in Spain and has connections."
Michu's career path began at Real Oviedo, for whom he played 100 times, then to Celta Vigo, where he made another 100-odd appearances, and to Real Vallecano for a season, who of course sold him to Swansea for a knock-down price because they didn't have enough money to pay the gas bills.
Could Arsene point out which of those clubs 'bombed out' Michu?
And we're not sure it took Laudrup's network of contacts to spot that the player who scored 15 times (the most of any midfielder in La Liga) for a pretty poor side would be a decent acquisition, particularly for £2million. This isn't exactly 20/20 hindsight talking here, is it?
Like we said...strange.
March 18: Rodney Marsh comments on what Manchester City should do with Carlos Tevez:
"I wouldn't bring him back because he is so volatile."
January 3: Rodney Marsh comments on what Manchester City should do with Mario Balotelli:
"I don't think you can possibly compare Tevez and Balotelli as personalities, Balotelli is like a let-down balloon. You never know what he's going to do or when he's going to do it. That's on the pitch as well as off it, whereas Tevez has been a hard-working reliable player that gives 100% at every time to the team."
You May Not Care. Sorry
We realise not all of you are on Twitter, or care about Twitter. So we'll try to keep this brief.
There are, as you might imagine, several tedious 'comedy' accounts in the 140-character world, one of which goes by the name BBC Sporf. They tweet 'the breaking sports banter via jokes, pictures & videos,' occasionally take in an absent-minded journalist and then slap themselves on the back with sickening levels of self-congratulation.
And so it was on Thursday, when they decided to have some ubermegalolz by inventing a 'Sneijder to QPR' rumour.
Cut to the evening, when The Sun published a story on their website, which would appear on their back page this morning, about that very same potential transfer, but one that was based on quotes from Harry Redknapp, explaining that the Dutchman had been offered to him by an agent.
Redknapp said: "I was asked by one agent if I wanted to sign Sneijder. Of course I do. However, he's on about £200,000 a week and now he wants to join QPR? I won't name the agent, but let's just say I think a deal is unlikely."
Additionally this morning, Redknapp commented on the story in his Friday press conference, quotes from which the QPR official account was tweeting.
Still, that didn't stop BBC Sporf. 'CRAZY: We created the Sneijder to QPR rumour last night, this morning it is The Sun newspaper main Sports headline!' tweeted the account.
So, to get this right, BBC Sporf are taking credit for fooling The Sun into writing a story they based on quotes from one of their columnists. Yes, well done for hoodwinking the papers with that one. Don't they feel stupid.
Sorry. Maybe you don't care. But it annoyed us.
More fine wibble from Garth Crooks in his team of the week on The BBC Website:
"It will be very interesting who gets the most goals this season - Zabaleta or Patrice Evra. The chances are, the player that does will win the title."
Serious Journalism Of The Day
From Ian Ladyman's interview with Mansfield chief executive Carolyn Radford in The Daily Mail:
'These days she is no longer blonde. I forget to ask her if that's deliberate.'
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Michu: Let me hit you Swan more time' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Two would-be jewel thieves found fried chicken instead of fine jewellery when they burrowed through a wall into the wrong store at Beaudesert, southwest of Brisbane. The pair, from Woodridge, broke into a toilet block at the rear of the connected shops and used an iron bar to hack into a fibro wall. They expected to arrive in Wrights Jewellers, but instead landed in the local KFC, where they surprised junior staff. Undeterred, the pair staged an impromptu hold-up and escaped with $2600.
'Peter Welsh, 32, and Dwayne Doolan, 31, were arrested and charged with the New Year's Eve robbery on Wednesday after a police raid on Welsh's Woodridge home. The Southport Magistrates Court was yesterday told the toilet block tunnel marked the pair's third unsuccessful attempt to rob the independent jewellery store that day. Police prosecutor Sergeant Damian Summerfield said they began throwing spark plugs at the store, on the corner of Brisbane and William streets, at 7.35am in an attempt to smash the front window' - Courier Mail.au.
'A Japanese man has invented a tail for humans which wags when the wearer is in a good mood. The 'Tailly' is attached to a belt with sensors which take the wearer's pulse. When their heart beats faster, it wags faster. Inventor Shota Ishiwatari is convinced it will be a hit and hopes it will soon be on sale in Britain. "Tailly is fun to wear to parties, while out with friends or playing with kids," he said. "You could even wear Tailly on a date and express your true feelings through the wagging tail. "Even better, your partner could also wear one, to add a level of subconscious communication between the two of you" - Orange.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters David Holdsworth, Steve Blackmore, Geoff Stewart and Jon Taberer. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.