Manchester United are the only club with a decent academy and never just spend money on foreigners. Oh no. And Jeff Powell writes about what he knows best...
The Mail do an about turn on Ronaldo's future, throwing poo at a wall and...
Alan Hansen: An Apology
You may recall the following section from this column on Monday:
'One To Keep On File
Writes Alan Hansen in The Daily Telegraph:
'I believe that it is an absolute certainty that Kompany will be cleared by the FA, though. His challenge was not two-footed and the ball was won cleanly, so I do not understand how the referee could even contemplate issuing a red card.'
'We'll see, Al.'
We can only apologise for our cynicism. Sorry Al. Our mistake. Silly of us. Man, this feels weird. Erm...something about winning nothing with kids? Ah balls.
Bits Of Cloth
John Terry saves all his captain's armbands. This does not surprise us. It should not surprise you.
Someone Hasn't Been Paying Attention
Said Pep Guardiola in his 'Wink wink, English clubs!' message for the FA's 150th birthday:
"In Italy, Latin people will support you when they are playing and when you lose, they kill you. In England, I'm always surprised that people always support everything and that's nice."
Just as long as you don't say plastic flags are a bit silly.
Harry Redknapp said some very nice things about his chairman on Tuesday evening, after Mr Tony Fernandes used charm, wit, guile, hypnosis and magic tricks to convince Loic Remy to turn down Newcastle in favour of QPR.
Or cash. Maybe it was the cash. Maybe it was the massive piles of cash. The massive, £80,000-a-week piles of cash.
Harry said: "I went to see him at Marseille last week and he wasn't keen but the chairman Tony Fernandes worked ever so hard. He wouldn't give up and the boy decided to come."
Was it the hard work? Or cash. Maybe it was the cash. Maybe it was the massive piles of cash. The massive, £80,000-a-week piles of cash.
At this point it would probably be relevant to remind everyone of some sage thoughts from Mr Fernandes when he arrived at Loftus Road back in 2011.
"Football needs to change. There are clubs out there who are spending money that if they were in a real business they could not afford. That inflates it for everybody.
"For the sake of football, proper business sense has to be made. If you look at the Premier League, this is a good time to [buy a club]. There is a bit more sensibility coming in."
Emotional And Frustrated
The Daily Mirror's John Cross is an Arsenal fan. And we know how emotional and frustrated some Arsenal fans can be these days.
That might explain the back page of the Daily Mirror, who go with the headline 'WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID, WENGER', irritating us right from the off by not including a question mark.
'ARSENE: I CAN'T SPEND BIG...MY SQUAD'S TOO GOOD,' continues the paper.
And Cross writes: 'Arsene Wenger claims there are NO players available in the transfer window who can improve his struggling squad...his remarks are likely to incense fed-up Gunners fans who want new signings.'
It won't be the most galloping shock for you to find out that Wenger, of course, said nothing of the sort.
Here's what he actually said: "It has become more difficult for one simple reason: We have a good squad. I know we swim against the stream a bit because people don't believe that. I say we have a very good squad."
So not that there are NO players at all who can improve Arsenal. Just that he already has good players. Which he does. Sigh.
Wenger went on to say: "We have some improvements to make and we know exactly where. In January it is difficult to find the players that are really better and can give something special to the squad.
"The number is right. We have a good balance. We are working very hard to find what we want."
So not only does he want to sign some players, he knows which ones he wants. And him saying he won't sign anyone isn't that likely to 'incense' Gunners because he didn't actually say he won't sign anyone. Cross even makes reference to another piece from The Mirror, in which Wenger said, "We will spend big."
All of which makes the story...oh, complete nonsense! Good work John.
Cross was on fire in this morning's Mirror. A few pages in he writes:
'Arsene Wenger will not give Jack Wilshere a break - because Arsenal cannot manage without him...Wenger insists they cannot afford to be without him.'
And what Wenger really said: "Maybe not in this period, at some stage I will give him a rest."
Oh, and there was absolutely no mention of Arsenal not being able to 'manage' without him or 'afford to be without him'.
Mediawatch rather likes David Pleat. He reminds us of an eccentric chap who stands next to the quiz machine in a pub, nursing a pint of mild and chatting amiably to anyone within ten yards.
He was on top form on Radio 5Live on Tuesday mind, commentating on Bournemouth v Wigan.
Our favourite was when he cited the 'lovely car park' as being a reason for Bournemouth being a club on the move, but the bit when he suggested Cherries midfielder Harry Arter had 'great pedigree' on the basis that he was Scott Parker's brother-in-law was also very strong.
Never change, David.
Zing Of The Day
"Former players like Michael Owen and Sol Campbell are here..." - Ouch, Sky Sports News's Nick Collins, ouch.
Self-Awareness Moment Of The Day
"I wouldn't want to see football getting over-gentrified" - Hats off to whoever was interviewing David Bernstein for keeping a straight face there.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Walt A Rally' - The Sun on Jon Walters having a slightly better game than he did at the weekend.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'In a truly strange turn of events, nearly 30 police officers were called in to brake up a baby shower brawl over the weekend. "It's a shame," Stoughton, Massachusetts police Executive Officer Robert Devine told the Enterprise News. About 200 attendees were at the baby shower, which was held at the Club Luis de Camoes. In surveillance video from the incident, a beer bottle reportedly can be seen flying past a man's head. A large-scale brawl immediately erupted. As the brawl unfolds, tables are overturned while chairs and punches are thrown. "We were outnumbered. It was a very, very dangerous scene," Devine said in a separate interview with local NBC affiliate WHDH. "We certainly feel that we were very lucky that no one got injured."
'Police say that after the melee began, it was the same female bartender who avoided the flying beer bottle who ushered the several children in attendance to safety in a nearby closet. The bartender then called police, who quickly arrived on the scene. Amongst the four men arrested was a 14-year-old boy. And at one point, police say they were forced to use an electronic stun gun after being surrounded by an angry crowd of baby shower attendees. Police say they still don't know what launched the incident and are reviewing tape of the incident as they consider making further arrests as part of their investigation' - Yahoo News.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Nick Roseveare and Richard Pike. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.