Lawro beats the bookies (as long as you ignore what the bookies do), Tony Pulis makes history and more from the papers...
When Bale is good, it's down to the manager. Apart from when it's Villas-Boas...
At Mario Balotelli's unveiling as an AC Milan player on Friday, there was obviously a large press contingent and of course some of our media's wonderful correspondents were sent over to cover the event.
At the Q&A sesssion, an eager hand shot up:
"Mario, hi - Antony Kastrinakis from The Sun, England. I wanted to ask you..."
At this point our old friend the self-appointed European football correspondent was cut off by Mario, who said:
"Listen...your newspaper, from when I got to England, always talked bad about me, so I don't want to speak with you or your newspaper. Sorry."
There was then a rather awkward pause as Balotelli's response was translated into Italian. In fact, you can watch it here.
Clearly, our old friend was a little embarrassed, but luckily he's a professional, and didn't let this humiliation effect him or his report of the unveiling in The Sun on Saturday.
'MARIO BALOTELLI needed just 14 minutes to get his first rollicking back in Milan,' wrote Antony.
This 'rollicking' was Adriano Galliani correcting Balotelli about something Silvio Berlusconi said. Now, admittedly we were not at the press conference with Antony, but we can't imagine that Adriano flipped the table, grabbed the microphone and screamed at his new player in front of the world's press.
Still, Antony continues: 'Balotelli, 22, blamed everyone but himself for his ROTTEN years in England. He blamed the English newspapers and insisted he had no regrets.
'Don't worry Mario. We all know it was the English papers that set your house on fire with fireworks, crashed your cars, got involved in training ground punch-ups with your team-mates AND with your manager.'
Of course, he didn't blame the press for anything - just pointed out that they made life difficult for him.
Balotelli said: "No, I don't have regrets about my time in England. I have to say thanks to all the City fans because they've been very nice to me. They always supported me in the bad moments. I have to thank my team-mates and my manager
"As for everything else, I am happy that I left England. The good things were only when I went to Carrington to train, my team-mates and manager. And bad things everything else.
"The Press. The weather. The food. The way I like to drive and that's it."
Funnily enough, the slap-down administered to our old friend is not mentioned in the piece. Well, not directly, anyway. You can probably just about see it if you read between the lines.
Speaking of our old friend Antony, he writes in The Sun this morning:
'Arjen Robben is increasingly frustrated on the Bayern Munich bench ahead of the Champions League ties with Arsenal.
'Robben has missed five weeks with a back injury but is furious that on-fire Thomas Muller now keeps him out.'
And Robben certainly sounds furious too, telling reporters at the weekend: "I am a pro and always give 100% in training. When I am brought on, when I play, I will give it all for the club and the team. That is not in question at all.
"It is about the success of the team and about nothing else. We want to win titles, that is what matters. We all have to work hard and keep fighting. I will certainly do my share."
And speaking of Balotelli, if you asked the various parties involved in his transfer to Milan how long the two clubs negotiated, it would seem like a pretty simply question.
"It's absolutely impossible, there are no negotiations between Milan and Manchester City" - Milan sporting director Adriano Galliani, January 18.
"[We are] only negotiating for Kaka, so there will be no Mario Balotelli" - Milan manager Massmiliano Allegri, January 19.
"There is no negotiation for Balotelli with any club, no meeting, zero. It seems like a Grimm Brothers fairy tale" - Balotelli's agent Mino Raiola, January 24.
"This negotiation was very difficult. It seemed to fail six or seven times in the last 60 days" - Raiola, January 31.
"Until one week ago it was impossible, because we never received any offers. Instead in the last three days Milan started to talk with the club" - Roberto Mancini, February 1.
"As a club we are happy to bring back our Italian player after long negotiations" - Galliani, February 1.
So, to summarise, by January 18 and 24 there had been no negotiations, but on January 31 we learnt that negotiations had been ongoing for the last 60 days, then on February 1 the negotiations had only started three days earlier, but had been going on for a 'long' time.
Writes Jamie Redknapp in The Daily Mail:
'Glenn Murray scored two more, so that's 23 league goals for the season, but it was the No 9 alongside him - Kevin Phillips - who might just give Crystal Palace that extra edge in the Championship run-in.
'My old England team-mate has scored everywhere he's been. An inspired loan signing in the window.'
Goals scored by Phillips this season from 18 appearances: two.
Crime Scene Expectoration
Particularly fine work by The Daily Express this morning, who carry a picture of Goran Popov expectorating in the vague direction of Kyle Walker.
And helpfully, they mark the airborne phlegm in question with a red circle, as if it was a suspect stain at a crime scene.
Neil Custis Tweet Of The Day
'In to my third hour reading @_PaulHayward rugby report and still loving it.'
Quote Of The Weekend
"He is...not a player that has flitted from club to club to get a slightly better contract" - Roy Hodgson wasn't paying much attention to Ashley Cole's literary career, then.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Dozen look good' - The Sun sound like a drunken tramp slumped in a doorway. Actually...
Non-Football Quote Of The Day
"We have gear that we have to wear, but I'll see what I can do up there. Maybe I'll pop my boob out and take a photo of it with the Earth in the background" - Coco Brown, a lady bidding to be the first pornstar in space, reveals her plans for life at zero gravity.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'When the sheriff told him he was free to go, Hugh Muir felt like kissing someone. Then he wished he hadn't. Hugh, 24, had come to court to face a breach of the peace charge and was worried he'd be sent to prison to await trial. So when he found out he was being freed on bail, he got a wee bit excited. He celebrated by walking up to stranger Stephanie Bushell, grabbing her by the ears and kissing her on both cheeks. Stephanie, 29, looked startled and mouthed: "I don't even know him." And when a concerned court official shopped him to police, hapless Hugh found himself facing a charge of assault.
'He was taken into a witness room at Alloa Sheriff Court, arrested and put in handcuffs. Then he was driven 10 miles to the police station at Stirling to be fingerprinted, DNA swabbed, charged and detained. He told one of the cops: "I'm gutted about this. I only gave a lassie a kiss." This was all on September 4 last year. The case has been grinding its way through the system ever since, at an estimated cost to the taxpayer of several thousand pounds, even though Stephanie wasn't the slightest bit interested in making a complaint. She didn't think she'd been assaulted. And the saga finally ended yesterday when a sheriff agreed' - The Daily Record.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter the excellent Daniel Tilles. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subjct field.