Manchester United are the only club with a decent academy and never just spend money on foreigners. Oh no. And Jeff Powell writes about what he knows best...
The Mail do an about turn on Ronaldo's future, throwing poo at a wall and...
Give Him A Break
Well, didn't Arsene Wenger cause a stink with his rather grumpy form during his press conference on Monday?
The only thing that really surprised Mediawatch was that Wenger has been dealing with the English press for 17 years and it's taken him this long to lose his rag. But while many journalists were reporting this MELTDOWN on Twitter, John Cross of The Daily Mirror asked us to strike a note of caution.
He tweeted: 'My reading is Wenger dislikes it so much because fans may see the contract story and get even angrier. So give him a break on that one.'
So how did Cross and The Daily Mirror 'give him a break' in their write-up of Wenger's performance?
'LOSING IT!' announces the back-page headline. Strong start.
Cross goes on to say Wenger 'suffered meltdown', he 'appeared to lose the plot' and 'rounded on' the hacks present and he 'blew his top and raised serious doubts about whether he has a long-term future at Arsenal'.
In another piece, Cross suggests that Wenger 'dropped a huge hint about his future' when he said, "You'll miss me when I'm gone." Morrissey once sang the same, so presumably Cross assumes that Moz was 'dropping a huge hint' that he would soon spontaneously combust and disappear into the ether.
Of course, after suggesting that Wenger's ire at the new contract story was justified and that reports in another paper (The Sun) on Monday were false, it's only right to point out that Cross wrote back in September that Wenger would be getting a new contract, based on some quotes from Ivan Gazidis that didn't actually say he'd be getting a new contract.
Having Said All That
"Can we get some questions about tomorrow's game? That would be very nice" - Arsene Wenger responds to a question about Arsenal's defeat to Blackburn.
"I don't know about that...I don't want to talk about Bayern" - Arsene Wenger responds to a question about Arsenal's upcoming game against Bayern Munich.
And more from the event of the year. Mediawatch understands why some journalists have construed Arsene Wenger's press conference comments on Monday as a 'bizarre rant', even though the Arsenal manager merely bore the demeanour of a man who found he had locked his keys in the car after a long day trying to coach Gervinho.
However, it's quite something that The Sun's Steven Howard accuses Wenger of 'paranoia' in an article in which he also suggests the manager is 'losing the plot'.
'When he was not on the front foot, seeking confrontation, the Arsenal boss was on the back, his arms folded tight across his chest, lips pursed with an almost manic look in his eyes,' writes Howard.
'A sneer hovered over his lips as he said: "Of course we don't want to win the trophy. In fact we want to lose tomorrow's game so you can all be happy."
'Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me! It was a mixture of Kenneth Williams and Basil Fawlty. What a Carry On.'
While Wenger may have been defensive, is it any wonder he's concerned about what journalists are planning to write when Howard proves the manager's point without the slightest hint of self-awareness?
Sometimes Wenger must feel like he just can't win. Tonight may be one of those occasions.
Adrian Durham writes a curious column on The Daily Mail website today. As if there was any other kind of Adrian Durham column.
He writes: 'In July 2011 Arsenal paid £10.7million for Gervinho. A month later Reading paid £300,000 for Adam Le Fondre. Maybe Arsene Wenger should watch a few more lower division games rather than constantly going back to France to pay over the odds for overrated players.'
So is Durham suggesting that Arsenal should have signed Le Fondre? We'll let you make your own judgement on how much of a laughing stock that would have made him.
He continues: 'I've never seen Wenger watching games from the stands in the way the camera has focused on Roberto Mancini and David Moyes at recent matches. Does he scout players in the lower divisions? I genuinely don't know.
'I do know that Wenger reacted to a penalty shootout win at Doncaster in the League Cup in 2005 by saying he was surprised how well the home players had played. He added: 'Doncaster have some players who have a future in the Premier League.' Not one of those players went on to play in the Premier League.'
One thing Mediawatch genuinely doesn't know is what point Durham is trying to make. Is it that Wenger doesn't know much about and is unprepared for lower-league opposition? One thing we do know is that, before this season, Wenger's Arsenal had lost to lower-league opposition only once.
Headline on The BBC Website: 'US footballer reveals he is gay.'
Headline slightly to the right of that one on The BBC Website: 'Club-by-club: Who is in and who is out.'
Rumour Of The Day
'Rio Ferdinand, whose Manchester United contract expires at the end of the season, has been offered the opportunity to become BT Sport's main football pundit. The TV network want a marquee football name as their leading analyst after paying £738million for the rights to 38 Premier League games in each of the next three seasons, and Ferdinand would be their first choice if he decides to retire' - Charles Sale in The Daily Mail.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Is Manuel playing in the COWABundesliga?' - The Daily Mail website on Manuel Neuer's three-fingered glove, which apparently makes him look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Police officers in the West Midlands could be in the dog house after a police dog apparently filed a witness statement. The brief statement, on behalf of police dog Peach, read: "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach." The 'statement' was signed at the bottom with a print of the Alsatian's pawmark. It was reportedly written in response to a barrage of requests from the Crown Prosecution Service for an account from PC Peach on a crime, the Daily Mail reports. Officers are said to have become frustrated after they continually told the CPS that Peach was a dog. But it seems the joke report may have consequences as the force is now being investigated. "The matter will be investigated," DCI Julian Harper, from West Midlands Police, told Huffington Post' - Orange.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters...nobody. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.