The Mail do an about turn on Ronaldo's future, throwing poo at a wall and...
Lawro beats the bookies (as long as you ignore what the bookies do), Tony Pulis makes history and more from the papers...
Interesting story doing the rounds this Wednesday morning. As you may know, The Times went big with their tale of a 'Dream Football League', in which the Qatar royal family would pay £175million to 24 teams from around the world to compete in a summer competition to dwarf the rewards of the Champions League.
It was written by Oliver Kay, a usually reliable hack and one of the more sensible voices on Fleet Street. It was perhaps for this reason that The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Daily Mirror and The Daily Telegraph wrote up the story for their websites, based on Kay's scoop. Hell, even the last great bastion of journalistic integrity F365 carried a version of it.
However, it turns out that it might well be bullsh*t.
The story seems to be based on a 'report' from French magazine Cahiers du Football, which reported the tale on their website three days ago. Indeed, The Times carries a shiny graphic, purporting to be part of the promotional material for the DFL, that seems to be from the original French story.
Yet, the site spent most of Wednesday morning laughing, via their Twitter account, claiming the story to be a hoax. A phantom. A joke.
They said the English press were reporting 'a fantasy', gleefully made assorted claims about where this 'info' had come from (specifically, it seems, their fevered imaginations) and even apologised if those in Doha actually see the story, think it's a good idea and do it for real.
"Everything in this article screams: 'This is fantasy'", Eurosport France's Benoit Vittek said.
"It seems like The Times totally misinterpreted it and then tried to claim those fake news were theirs. Terrible. The details we read from English websites match the ones in Cahiers du Football."
However, Kay himself defended his story, saying on Twitter in response to one 'query' about it: "Nice try. Except that @cahiersdufoot was 100% NOT the source of my story, as I suspect Cahiers (with their "DFL" imagery) know."
So is it nonsense? We'll be honest, we don't know. One thing we will say is that the original Cahiers du Football story doesn't include any of the numbers mentioned by The Times.
What a curious thing journalism is.
November 21: Arsene Wenger warns against overplaying Jack Wilshere. "In our last game against Tottenham after 60 minutes, Wilshere lacked a bit of petrol. I didn't feel that tonight. He's not far away now from being at his best but I must still manage him, not overload him with too many games."
February 8: Arsene Wenger warns against overplaying Jack Wilshere. "We will have to manage him well physically to make sure he doesn't face that burn-out.
March 13: Arsene Wenger admits he has overplayed Jack Wilshere. "Maybe I overplayed him, but only in the last two games."
One would think that there is no need for hyperbole when discussing Arsenal at the moment. They're not in great shape. Everyone can see this. They might be in even worse shape if they get humped by Bayern Munich this evening.
Still, that hasn't stopped The Sun's Steven Howard firing up the Exaggerator-O-Matic, turning it up to 11 and waiting for it to fire out this piece of top-dollar nonsense:
'One thing Wenger's team will never be able to live with - and certainly not those Gunners fans who have been let down so many times over the last seven seasons - is a thrashing.
'If that happens then a set of players who have already plumbed the depths, after being knocked out of the domestic cup competitions by Bradford and Blackburn, will never again be able to look their supporters in the eye.
'They will go down in Arsenal history as the biggest embarrassment of all time, a team not fit to wear the shirt.'
Aye. Imagine losing convincingly to arguably the best team in the competition.
Some Galatasaray fans sure were keen to get into their game against Schalke on Tuesday night.
So desperate, in fact, that they tried to dig their way into the ground. With their bare hands.
"Yes, that's right. Some supporters have tried to dig a tunnel with their bare hands" said Schalke sporting director Horse Heldt.
Seems like a lot of trouble. Did they not know it was on the telly?
November 19: Reading owner Anton Zingarevich backs Brian McDermott. "I have total faith in him. I'm sure he is the man for the job...I think he has the right characteristics to be a manager...To be a good manager you need to be a good psychologist and he is, that's the key. From the first meeting I understood that."
March 11: McDermott is sacked.
Quote Of The Day
"It is not silky football, it is a battle when you get down there and it is about getting the players up for the matches. I remember what I did at Sunderland. I took them out for a meal and got a few drinks down them to relax them. That seems out of vogue nowadays with all the sports scientists" - Peter Reid provides one of the reasons why he might not have a managerial job these days.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'You'll live to Roogret it if you quit United' - The Sun prove that, even when you think these Roo puns can't get any worse, they can.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A British grandfather who wrestled a shark on an Australian beach has been sacked after returning home - because he was on sick leave. Paul Marshallsea, 62, was hailed a hero after a film of him grabbing the shark's tail as it swam towards children was broadcast around the world. He and his wife Wendy, who work for the same children's charity in Merthyr Tydfil, were on sick leave for work-related stress when they took the two month holiday in Australia. After seeing January's footage, trustees of the Pant and Dowlais Boys and Girls Club decided that the couple had been dishonest and sacked them. The dismissal letter said: "Whilst unfit to work you were well enough to travel to Australia and... you allegedly grabbed a shark by the tail and narrowly missed being bitten by quickly jumping out of the way."
"What am I going to do now? There's not much call for shark-wrestlers in Merthyr Tydfil," Mr Marshallsea complained. "If I hadn't gone in to save the kids on that beach that day my wife and I would still have a job. You think being in charge and running a children's charity, they would have patted me on the back and congratulated me" - Orange.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Mark Robinson. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.