Mike Ashley almost planned the perfect Trojan Horse, the price of fillet steak and Taylor stands alone...
Newcastle spring a surprise and appoint Greg Kinnear as their new director of football...
His Name Is Rio...And He's Going On A Plane
The Daily Mail's Charles Sale is terribly vexed on Thursday after Rio Ferdinand agreed to be a pundit on Al Jazeera for England's match against San Marino.
'EXCLUSIVE: Plane Stupid! Rio's England farce continues as he flies 15 HOURS for TV gig despite injury ruling him out of action,' farts the Mail's headline.
'Rio Ferdinand, who withdrew from England's World Cup qualifiers to look after his chronic back problem, will fly to Qatar to work on a television broadcast of Friday's game against San Marino,' writes Sale.
'The Manchester United defender has agreed to be a pundit on Al Jazeera for the San Marino match, even though it will entail a 15-hour round trip to their headquarters in Doha.
'Ferdinand will not stay in the Gulf for England's game against Montenegro on Tuesday and the short turnaround will result in his fragile back being subjected to almost 15 hours in an aircraft in the space of four days.'
So Ferdinand will spend 15 hours sitting or lying down?
Mediawatch is no doctor, but it can't help but think that flying first class on a plane is less likely to aggravate Ferdinand's back problem than a week of England training followed by two World Cup qualifying matches.
Following Blackburn's dismissal of Michael Appleton on Tuesday, much to the dismay of the League Managers' Association, The Independent's Chief Sports Writer, James Lawton, gives his views on the managerial merry-go-round in today's paper.
Under the rather high-and-mighty headline 'These sackings are a grotesque abandonment of decent values', Lawton writes:
'At Blackburn, where Michael Appleton this week became the third manager to go down this season, and at Forest, where in the re-instated Billy Davies they have their third manager since last July, the foreign ownership has resembled nothing so much as arrivals in an alien planet.
'The colonisation has taken many forms, almost all of them destructive, but the hard edge of it has come in the cavalier treatment of so many working football men.'
Mediawatch must butt in at this point to say that one of these 'working football men', Michael Appleton, was so keen to join Blackburn in January that he quit Blackpool after just 65 days in charge.
Lawton continues: 'The message is quite relentless. The foreign owner comes, he sees and he snaps up his asset with only minimal knowledge, or caring, for all that feeling and tradition which has gone into the making of his or her new property.'
Although Lawton has a point about the disconnect between foreign owners and local fan bases, Mediawatch can't help but think that he is overstating their negative impact on the English game compared to British owners.
Mediawatch has no interest in defending Venkys' disastrous reign at Blackburn Rovers, but to suggest that the ruthless streak in club ownership is exclusive to foreign owners is rather misguided.
Blackburn's Championship rivals Wolves, who are owned by Liverpool-born Steve Morgan, have sacked two permanent managers in just over 12 months with the second, Stale Solbakken, lasting only six months. Former interim manager Terry Connor also left the club this season and Dean Saunders, Wolves' fourth manager since February 2012, now faces a huge battle to prevent the team from slipping to a second successive relegation.
Following David Gold and David Sullivan's purchase of West Ham in January 2010, the new owners waited less than four months to sack Gianfranco Zola. Avram Grant followed the Italian out the exit door when the Hammers were relegated a year later.
It's also worth noting that American Randy Lerner has sacked only one manager in six-and-a-half years at Aston Villa - and that was Alex McLeish.
Mediawatch would argue that some, but not all, foreign owners make ruthless decisions regarding managers, and that the same can be said of British owners, despite their 'decent values'.
Headline on The Mirror website: 'Rover and out: Now Blackburn's caretaker manager Gary Bowyer is packing his bags'.
What's this? Have Venkys already sacked another manager? Has Bowyer quit after less than two days in charge?
Oh, hang on a second: 'Gary Bowyer will go on holiday before starting life as the new Blackburn manager.
'The caretaker boss had already booked a family getaway in Spain during the international break, as the Rovers reserve team he was in charge of do not have any games.'
Writes Charlie Wyett in The Sun: 'Scott Parker insists he and his fellow golden oldies can help England limp over the line to Brazil.
'Remarkably, Parker is one of EIGHT players aged 30 and over for the World Cup qualifying double header which ends with Tuesday's clash in Montenegro.
'Incredibly, 15 of Roy Hodgson's 23-man squad are aged 27 and over, meaning the average age is 26 years and 11 months.'
Wow. That does sound 'incredible' and 'remarkable'. Is this the oldest international squad ever?
A quick look at the average ages of the 16 teams at Euro 2012 informs Mediawatch that England's squad would be the sixth-youngest, one place below Spain.
That Explains A Lot
'Win bonuses do not exist' - The Sun reveal the reason why San Marino have just a single victory to their name.
Menacing Pause Of The Day
"Do you know what you do? With the pace that he's got and the close control.....he can't run without legs" - Dundee boss John Brown gives his views on how Scotland can stop Gareth Bale.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'The Neville's Advocate' - The Daily Record get excited over Neville Southall's views on Scotland v Wales.
'Beckham's Won Tons' - what else did you expect from The Mirror on David Beckham's trip to China?
Quote of the Day
"We've been up against a killing machine that keeps churning out results" - Joe Hart fears he'll end up in the Manchester canal before the end of the season.
Disappointing Non-Football Intro Of The Day
'Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting to avoid becoming over overexposed' - Orange
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An escort accused of attacking a man and nearly biting his penis off during a sexual encounter at an Orange County hotel was arrested on an attempted murder charge.
'Deputies were called to the Crestwood Suites on University Boulevard after multiple 911 callers "reported screaming and growling sounds from a room on the second floor" of the hotel. The man had "significant" bites to his penis and testicles, the police report states, as well as damage to his leg, abdomen, chest and fingers.
'The alleged attacker, Priscilla Vaughn, 29, faces charges of attempted second-degree murder, false imprisonment and tampering with the victim's ability to contact law enforcement. She was jailed without bail.' - Jeff Weiner, for The Orlando Sentinel.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters...none of you. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.