Manchester United shouldn't pursue short-term signings in the transfer window and Mario Balotelli knows the English press so well...
Remembering 'Chelsea confident Wayne Rooney will NEVER wear Manchester United shirt again' and noting that being foreign means you can't do maths...
If At First You Don't Succeed
Mediawatch could not help but smirk at these quotes from David Moyes on MUTV: "When you are at Manchester United my thinking is you have to go for everything, you attempt to win everything. Maybe you miss out sometimes, but you have to try to win all the trophies. I've done it everywhere else I've been and I'll certainly do it here."
Firstly, any United fans buoyed by Moyes' quotes should note that if he has been 'trying' to win every trophy for the last 11 years at Everton, it has not been going awfully well. For 'missing out sometimes', read 'missing out around 40 times'.
Secondly, we would like to dispute the use of the word 'trying' in relation to this relentless pursuit for trophies. Last season Moyes took a team to Leeds in the League Cup which featured Jan Mucha, Bryan Oviedo, Magaye Gueye, Victor Anichebe and some bloke called Francisco Junior of whom we have absolutely zero knowledge. Despite Moyes' best efforts, they lost. But at least he tried.
Love Is A Battlefield
There's no football on the back pages of The Sun, the Daily Mirror or the Daily Star. This could quite possibly be a first since football began in 1992.
The Sun - ever the troopers - do still manage to cobble together a double-page spread of football news under the rather melodramatic heading 'BATTLE STATIONS' complete with photographs of 'Premier bosses' Manuel Pellegrini and David Moyes. It's hotting up, you see.
The latter is quoted as saying he would quite like to try and win some trophies - a 'trophy vow', of course - but what has Pellegrini said? Well, nothing. What has somebody else said about Pellegrini? Well, nothing. So why 'BATTLE STATIONS'? Why the 'EUR JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH' headline? In what way have 'Manuel's City' been 'warned'?
Prepare yourself for some incendiary quotes from Roberto Mancini...
"I would say City are a bit like Juventus. They are growing but are still a bit behind the big European clubs. To win the Champions League you need experience and the right squad. There aren't many games, so if you get two wrong then you're out of the running."
Joy In Repetition
Mediawatch would like to congratulate Carl Etheridge of the Daily Star for his 'exclusive' on Sunday in which he revealed that 'JOSE MOURINHO has been SNUBBED in his bid to lure Nemanja Matic back to Chelsea from Benfica'.
He quotes Matic as saying: "Someone like Mourinho wanting me to go back to London would be a chance to prove I can play in the Premier League. But I want to achieve more at Benfica."
Nice scoop, Carl.
It's just a shame that Matic must be a repetitive kind of fellow because this is what he told Sportske.net on June 13: "Of course, someone like Jose Mourinho wanting me to go back to London would be an opportunity to prove that I can play in the Premier League. But I want to achieve more at Benfica, particularly in the big games."
Matic really does need to learn a different schtick because he's in danger of making Carl look like he didn't grab an exclusive at all.
As part of Martin Samuel's ongoing campaign to herald the British manager over his foreign counterpart (he is a Daily Mail man, after all), he has written extensively about David Moyes being the right choice for Manchester United.
Samuel admitted this of Moyes in May - 'He has never won a trophy or coached a team beyond the preliminary stages of the Champions League. He has not bought, or managed, a £30million player. He does not know what it is like to chase the title in the final weeks of the season, or travel to Milan to defend a first-leg lead' - but says we should ignore such failings, and the creation of a team that has been 'the antithesis of the risk-takers and game-makers of Manchester United', because he was operating under different circumstances at Everton.
And yet Samuel does not extend the same courtesy to Spaniard Roberto Martinez and his coaching staff at Everton. 'It was hoped that Martinez would bring his many qualities to Everton and supplement them with new coaching staff who could cover for his weaknesses,' writes Samuel this week. 'What if he merely replicates Wigan's best, and worst, traits?'
Feel free to re-write that sentence and replace the word 'Martinez' with the word 'Moyes', 'Everton' with the words 'Manchester United' and 'Wigan' with the word 'Everton'. And then delete when you remember that Moyes is British.
Huw's Got The Big Story?
Early on Monday, July 8, Swansea chairman Huw Jenkins talks to Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf about Wilfried Bony: "Until it is signed we cannot speak about an agreement, but there are only a few details now. We want done by lunchtime [on Monday] or so. We have the last few details to sort with his representative, but that won't be a problem."
Later on Monday morning, July 8, Swansea chairman Huw Jenkins 'exclusively' talks to the Daily Mail online about Wilfried Bony: "Hopefully everything will be sorted between the clubs in the next few hours. There are still things to sort out, though. There will be a couple of days' work to sort out the work permit, but hopefully there will be no problems."
Are they going to phone him every few hours for an 'exclusive'?
Chris Samba, January 2013, on leaving Anzhi for QPR: "All the money in the world cannot make you happy if you don't have your family with you. I came back to be with my family. Life needs to have both sides - enjoy your football and have your loved ones close to you. I have no plans to go back to Russia."
Chris Samba, July 2013, on leaving QPR for Anzhi: "I was getting mentally prepared for the battle in the Championship to come back up. Tony [Fernandes] wanted to keep me and help him back up but I believe the offer from Russia was too good to let it pass by."
Unconvincing Quote Of The Day
"I'm very open-minded to Joe's position. I will take it as I see it" - Alan Pardew on Joe Kinnear.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'HIGAUIN'T GON YET, GUNNERS' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A brothel must pay £60,000 damages to a prostitute's family after she fell out of a bedroom window with her client while in the act. The woman, 25, lost the use of her limbs in the plunge in 2008 and died a year later. She's claimed employee rights but Felina Prive club in Piracicaba, south Brazil, denied liability. A judge said: "Because of the fall, she became dependent."' - The Daily Mirror.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Peter Fraser. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.