Remembering 'Chelsea confident Wayne Rooney will NEVER wear Manchester United shirt again' and noting that being foreign means you can't do maths...
Martin Keown solves Chelsea's defensive problems and why Arsenal should fear Napoli tonight...
Mediawatch notes that Liverpool have released a list of words it is apparently unacceptable to say at Anfield.
All the arsehole racist/sexist/homophobic classics are there, as well as a few that some quite creatively immature compiler must've had some fun thinking up.
However, the word 'negro' is missing from the list.
Once A Blue
Having a pop at Joey Barton is pretty easy, but if a man will make Willie McKay his agent, he must expect chuckles to be sent his way.
McKay spoke to SHOUTsport this morning, after The Daily Mirror somehow, mysteriously, how we're not sure, by some miracle of journalistic digging, got wind of Barton's apparent desire to play for Everton. No idea how that happened. No siree. What a scoop.
McKay reluctantly confirmed the news. "I made a call to Roberto Martinez and he didn't rule it out," he said. "He said he likes him as a player."
Well sure, that's what he said on the phone. We wonder what he said after hanging up, though. We're guessing at least one of the following.
- *Click* "...but as a man he's a frightful ballbag."
- *Click* "Ay Dios Mio."
- *Click* "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahaha."
- *Click* "Who's Willie McKay?"
- *Click* "Who's Joey Barton?"
It's all fairly desperate and embarrassing, really. Especially when, shortly after that interview, Barton tweeted simply 'Once a blue...'
Aye, that one really worked out well for Wayne Rooney, eh la?
Incidentally, we did enjoy The Mirror's story, which informed us that Barton 'wants to end France exile', making him sound like Mary Queen of Scots.
This would be the 'France exile' that Barton wanted, repeatedly said he wanted to continue ("For the first time in my life I'm very happy, really content" - May 25) and claimed in June that L'OM had offered him a three-year contract to extend.
Scribe Alan Nixon also had no information on what Everton's response was to being offered Barton, but did note that Martinez 'has to be interested in Barton for nothing and on a reduced wage.'
We'll see about that one.
Nothing To Do With Me
Another thing about McKay's interview is his comment about negotiations with Marseille:
"Last week Marseille made an offer to Joey but his package at QPR is quite big for Marseille's financial reach."
A shrug, a 'nothing I can do about it mate.' It's not like a player's agent can have any influence on how much he earns, is it?
That sort of mentality, that a player/his agent can complain about the consequences of an action without actually taking responsibility for/considering the action in the first place also sprang to mind when reading Brendan Rodgers' latest update on Luis Suarez.
Brendan said: "He's in a difficult position in terms of not being able to play because of his suspension - he will sit out the first six games and he will miss playing football."
A completely unavoidable situation, obviously.
Pepe Reina is not angry. See:
"I'm not angry with Liverpool - quite the opposite. I am very grateful to them for everything they have given me."
Well quite. Who thought he was angry? Who doesn't express their non-anger by writing a long open letter in which they complain about being told to leave Liverpool after saying they wouldn't mind leaving Liverpool?
The Daily Mail website, always one to ask the very biggest of questions, chucks out quite the poser for us today, asking: 'Ever wondered what's inside a Premier League star's bag?'
Well, we can answer that one pretty quickly, chaps: unless it contains a dead hooker, the treasure of the Sierra Madre or Stefan Postma's girlfriend packed it, then no. No we haven't.
Cheers for asking though.
Intro from The Sun: 'Swansea old-boy Owain Tudor-Jones has wound up his former club by warning they face the Barcelona of Sweden tomorrow.'
Quotes from Ashley Williams: "Owain left a message saying all 11 Malmo players are brilliant and could play for Barcelona so if we're having an off night, it'll be tough."
What a wind-up. All aboard the banter bus.
Quote Of The Day
"I'm very happy to have been part of this winning group at the Confeds, but I know I have to kill a lion every day and continue to prove that I deserve a spot in the Brazil team for the next 10 months" - Brazilian striker Fred sounds determined.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'So good to hear Sam chat again' - The Sun.
'BENT IS SO NNEAR' - The Sun. This is about a bid from Newcastle, so we can only assume it's a typo, or it's some reference to Joe KiNNEAR. Either way, it's awful.
Non-Football Headline/Shrewd Advice Of The Day
'Do try not to get your penis stuck in a toaster. A message from the fire brigade' - The Guardian.
Awful Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An Arkansas man paralyzed from the waist down told police he awoke Monday morning to a "burning pain," only to find his dog chewing on a ball. His ball, that is. According to the official police report, the 39-year-old Trumann resident regularly sleeps in the raw, and was fully nude when he woke up yesterday around 7:45 AM to discover his dog "had eaten one of his testicles." The unidentified owner had rescued the "small, white, fluffy" stray just three weeks ago, and had yet to take it in for a checkup. Sadly, the dog's first visit to a vet was to be euthanized. The Arkansas Department of Health will test the dog's remains for rabies. Meanwhile, adding insult to injury, the man was transported to St. Bernards Regional Medical Center to be treated' - Gawker.com.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Daniel Tilles, Phillip Holland and Ashton Yarlett. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.