Roy Hodgson is asked the perfect question, Mr Grumpypants is back, Jamie Redknapp hates making comparisons. Plus Ace-watch, you lucky things...
England fans targeted for muggings and rapes, United go from credit to crisis in seven days and the curse that's not a curse...
There is nothing the papers enjoy more than a spot of agenda-setting, which explains the intro to the Daily Mail's back-page report on Manchester United's Community Shield victory.
'David Moyes's first trophy as Manchester United manager was over-shadowed by an angry outburst over his handling of Wayne Rooney,' writes John Edwards.
'A double by Robin van Persie at Wembley gave United a Community Shield win over Wigan yesterday, but Moyes's celebrations soon gave way to an animated defence of his stance over Rooney's fitness and future.'
Forgive Mediawatch for being presumptive, but it would suggest that there are two primary reasons for Moyes's thoughts on Rooney 'overshadowing' United's victory.
Firstly, Edwards decided to focus his back-page report for a national newspaper on the manager's quotes and secondly, Edwards or one of his esteemed colleagues chose to persist with the tiresome line of questioning that has understandably pushed Moyes to the end of his tether.
Yet even then, the manager appears to be perfectly calm in the line Edwards hangs his column on.
'The United manager flatly denied being at odds with Rooney, saying: "I can absolutely assure you all I have not fallen out with him."'
'Angry outburst' indeed. It's no wonder Moyes is irked when he's being painted as someone who is quickly losing his cool, only to deny such allegations and still see his responses twisted into further suggestions of indecorum.
There are pointless stories and then there are pointless stories, and then there's Darren Lewis' report in the Daily Mirror on the first use of Hawk-Eye in Sunday's Community Shield.
'It is being hailed as the most significant development in 150 years of football,' writes Lewis.
'Yet the power behind Robin van Persie's headed winner meant there was no use for goal-line technology in Manchester United's Community Shield victory.'
Thanks. For. That.
Anyone would think Lewis might stop there, but he somehow manages to squeeze another two paragraphs out of the non-use of Hawk Eye, something we can expect will be the case most weeks throughout the season.
He continues: 'The Hawk-Eye system, with seven cameras covering each goal, was officially deployed for the first time at Wembley following initial tests to ensure no teething troubles in the event of the ground-breaking equipment being needed.
'It was not, which means the wait for the first Hawk-Eye decision switches to the Premier League.'
Considering there are only a handful of contentious goal-line decisions each season, Mediawatch would suggest this isn't a brilliant idea for a new weekly feature.
'Would anyone put their shirt on Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Old Trafford? David Moyes might,' writes John Edwards in the Daily Mail.
'Despite Real Madrid's insistence that Ronaldo is not for sale, Moyes left the winger's old No 7 shirt without an owner after Antonio Valencia asked to be switched to 25.
'With no-one claiming a jersey made famous by George Best, Moyes must be hoping that Ronaldo might yet come back.'
Yes, the lure of his old number seven shirt must surely be too strong. Unless this is utter, utter bulls**t, predicted by everyone who noticed Valencia's shirt switch on Sunday.
Rated And Slated
Former Blackburn Rovers midfielder Robbie Slater shares many an interesting opinion in his Premier League preview for Fox Sports Australia, but Mediawatch particularly enjoyed his take on West Brom:
"My gut feeling is the Baggies will do all right this season. Why? I have no idea."
There's a seat waiting for you on Match of the Day, Robbie.
Headline on London24.com: 'Charlton boss reveals transfer struggles and gives update on chase for Spurs star.'
Who could this 'star' be? Charlton don't have the funds to sign Jermain Defoe, surely?
'Manager Chris Powell admits Charlton have found life difficult in the transfer market this summer and concedes that they are no closer to agreeing a deal for Tottenham striker Jonathan Obika.'
Ah. Well, he did score three goals on loan for the Addicks last season.
Faint Praise Of The Day
'David Moyes is on his way, taking another man's serial winning team and lifting the Community Shield at Wembley against Wigan. Up he went at the final whistle, climbing the 107 steps in his smart new United suit to collect his medal with his players. What a feeling.' - Neil Ashton in the Daily Mail.
Advertorial Of The Day
'This is what it's all about, saving a seat on the Virgin Pendolino back to Wilmslow and letting the train take the strain.' - Neil Ashton in the Daily Mail.
Does He Know What He's Let Himself In For Quote Of The Day
'Gary is a tenacious and intelligent international' - Cardiff boss Malky Mackay on new signing Gary Medel.
'Tenacious' is one way of putting it.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Moyes Fears Van Crash' - The Daily Star.
'We Won't Let Roo Go' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Swedish men are being warned against any inclination for nude swimming after a new species of fish has been discovered in their waters which enjoys biting testicles.
'A 21cm pacu fish, a relative of the piranha, was found by fisherman in the Oresund Sound off the south coast of the country last week.
'Known in Papua New Guinea as 'The Ball Cutter', the pacu has reportedly been responsible for the deaths of two fishermen in the Pacific nation, who died from blood loss after the fish had bitten off their testicles.
"The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off," said Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum.' - The Daily Mail.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Dean Kelly and Mr Gribbla, and everyone who sent in the fish story. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.