Roy Hodgson is asked the perfect question, Mr Grumpypants is back, Jamie Redknapp hates making comparisons. Plus Ace-watch, you lucky things...
England fans targeted for muggings and rapes, United go from credit to crisis in seven days and the curse that's not a curse...
'Football's Mr Marmite'
It's no surprise that Robbie Savage doesn't really know what to make of Roy Hodgson's latest England squad in his Daily Mirror column, but even by his standards the BBC pundit gets himself in a terrible mess.
'I have nothing against Andros Townsend or Ross Barkley, who are both fine young players, but have they really done enough to warrant a call-up into the squad for two competitive World Cup qualifiers?' writes 'football's Mr Marmite'.
'To me, their selection is more of a reflection on who they play for, rather than how good they are.'
Yes, because England managers regularly pick Everton players on the basis of who they play for.
Savage may have the slightest hint of a point as he continues to question why Gabriel Agbonlahor and Fabian Delph have been overlooked despite their form in 2013, but Hodgson is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
After suggesting that Townsend and Ashley Young are both in the squad because they play for 'fashionable' clubs, Savage writes:
'His (Hodgson's) hunch in picking Rickie Lambert against Scotland paid off handsomely earlier this month - and I was delighted for Lambert that he came off the bench to head the winner.
'But if he was good enough to play for England before the Premier League campaign had kicked off in August, why was he not good enough to make the squad last season, when he scored 15 goals for Southampton?'
Ah, now we get it. Hodgson was right for picking Lambert, but wrong for the timing. The silly goose.
There's one thing that still leaves us confused, though - don't some people love marmite?
Something To Look Forward To
Incidentally, Savage also mentions his forthcoming appearance on Match of the Day in his Daily Mirror column.
'To prepare for my debut as a pundit on Match of the Day, I've been exchanging playful tweets with host Gary Lineker this week,' writes the Archbishop of Banterbury.
'Hopefully I've already cottoned on to the first rule of punditry: Wear a nice shirt.
'On the opening game of the season, Garth Crooks chose an interesting item from his wardrobe on Final Score. I'd like to think there will be as much attention on my analysis as my dress sense!'
To avoid the possibility of coming home drunk and turning on the TV at 10.25pm on Saturday night, Mediawatch would strongly recommend putting a foot through the screen as soon as you get home from work today. Trust us, it's for the best.
Mediawatch spat out its tea as it flicked through the Metro this morning to find the paper's interview with Sky Sports News' Natalie Sawyer and bellowing's Jim White.
The game has truly eaten itself. It won't be long until people are complaining about the football window interfering with the transfer season.
'You have to separate fact from fiction' is the Metro's back-page trailer for the interview.
How Mediawatch wishes that were true.
Roberto Mancini didn't always come across as the most tactful manager during his time at Manchester City (Mediawatch fondly remembers him screaming 'f**k you, f**k you' at everything and nothing when QPR took the lead on the final day of 2011/12), but we rather enjoyed his delicate handling of Scott Sinclair's request for more playing time last season.
"It's things like that, in the backroom, when he (Mancini) said he didn't give me a chance, which he didn't," said Sinclair.
"I even asked him, 'Why did you bring me in if you're not going to give me a chance? You've given me no game time to show what I'm about', and he couldn't really answer the question."
As Mediawatch's mother would say, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
It seems the fawning of the English press has left Jose Mourinho a little unprepared for actual questioning of his managerial record. "You have played Guardiola's teams 15 times and only won three times. Why is it so difficult to beat his teams?" one plucky journalist asked the manager before Friday's Super Cup against Bayern Munich.
Mourinho responded: "Your statistics are wrong. Very wrong. Very wrong, because - but I don't want to discuss that because it's not important. I'll just say it's wrong. Go there and see what happened with Inter in the Champions League semi-final. The league records in Spain. The Copa del Rey in Spain. The Super Cup in Spain. You are very, very wrong. But it's not important."
No, Jose, it doesn't sound like it's important at all.
Writes Antony Kastrinakis in The Sun: 'Manuel Pellegrini has been tipped to lead Manchester City to Champions League glory. City's sporting director Txiki Begiristain revealed the atmosphere at the club had improved under new boss Pellegrini."
Mentions by Begiristain of Man City winning the Champions League: None.
This Is News
Michael Morgan squeezes out five paragraphs in the Daily Mirror to answer the question that has been playing on everyone's minds all week and indeed since Hull were promoted back to the Premier League - will Steve Bruce repeat Phil Brown's on-pitch half-time team talk at Manchester City?
We'll let Bruce provide the answer: "I don't think I will be sitting my players on the pitch and delivering any messages to them."
Pheeeeee-ew. Thank f**k that's cleared up.
Laboured Intro Of The Day
'When last season's beaten Champions League finalists walk out at the Emirates Stadium on October 22, the scoreline will read Arsenal 0 Borussia Dortmund 0. But away from the pitch, another scoreline will tell a very different story. Reaching last season's final at Wembley gave Jurgen Klopp the financial muscle to lavish £43million on Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Sokratis. In all likelihood they will be up against Arsenal's summer signings - Mathieu Flamini and Yaya Sanogo, two players acquired without spending so much as a penny on transfer fees' - the Daily Mail's Neil Ashton.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'It's All Gunn Wrong' - The Sun.
Worst Headline Of The Day That Still Made Mediawatch Laugh
'Torres On His Way O'Out' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'The number of Italian men seeking penis enlargement surgery is rising at a rate of 25% a year, according to one of the country's top surgeons.
'Despite their Lothario reputation around the world, it seems Italian men are succumbing to "changing-room syndrome" and are seeking surgical assistant in the trouser department.
'Dr Alessandro Littara, director of the Centre for Sexual Medicine in Milan, told the Independent: "The demand for these operations is growing constantly.
'"In the past year alone, we did 300 operations on men. It's usually to make the penis thicker, but there are quite a few who want it longer and sometimes both."
'The demand was driven by pressure to keep up with their male peers rather than for their partner.
'"I call it changing-room syndrome," said Littara. "With everyone seeing images of the body the whole time these days, men are more aware and worried about their bodies - all the parts are important, and the genitals are no exception."' - ibtimes.co.uk
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