Manchester United shouldn't pursue short-term signings in the transfer window and Mario Balotelli knows the English press so well...
Remembering 'Chelsea confident Wayne Rooney will NEVER wear Manchester United shirt again' and noting that being foreign means you can't do maths...
Little White Bull
Ahead of Manchester United's opening Champions League clash with Bayer Leverkusen, David Moyes was in bullish mood. Well, as bullish a mood as anybody on work experience can dare to adopt.
"I'm now managing a club which is used to getting close to the final stages and we'll try to do that again," he said bullishly.
"I'm going to do everything I possibly can to win it," he added bullishly.
"You could always pick out the winning teams, but in the last year or two it's been hard to pick out a winner. It's a little bit more unpredictable than it has been in the past," he said, doing nothing to shatter the notion that United could win the whole shebang. Bullishly.
Two Premier League defeats later and Moyes' mood is rather more subdued. Apparently there are now only two/three teams who can win the Champions League and one of them is not United.
"To win the Champions League, you need five or six world-class players," he said. "Look at Bayern Munich, they have it. Look at Barcelona, who had it in the past and Real Madrid, who have maybe got it now. That's the level you have to be at to win it. We've not got that yet."
Mediawatch thinks he needs a duvet day.
Can we have a minute for this from David Moyes on the eve of the new season?
"I think it's the hardest start for 20 years that Manchester United have had. I hope it's not because Manchester United won the league quite comfortably last year (that) the fixtures have been made much more difficult. I find it hard to believe that's the way the balls came out of the bag, that's for sure. But if it is a hard start for Manchester United, it is a hard start for everyone else because they have to play us."
West Brom at home? It's a fix.
We're more than willing to pile in and kick a prone David Moyes but this from the Daily Mail website - 'More misery for Moyes as former United stars Pogba and Tevez combine for Juve winner against Torino' - misses an easy target by some distance.
Two men who have not played for Moyes 'combined' (well, one hit the bar and the other put in the rebound) to score a goal in another league for Juventus. Yes, it's definitely that goal which will haunt Moyes after this weekend.
In today's Daily Mirror, David McDonnell pin-points problems all over the pitch for Manchester United - in defence ('Jonny Evans, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling have shown frailties'), midfield ('Anderson has been a palpable flop'), on the wing (Nani, Ashley Young and Antonio Valencia are inconsistent') and up front ('Danny Welbeck is hardly prolific').
Here's what the same man wrote 18 months ago: 'De Gea, Jones, the Da Silva twins, Jonny Evans, Chris Smalling, Young and Tom Cleverley, not to mention Wayne Rooney, Antonio Valencia, Nani, Javier Hernandez, all of whom are 26 or under, United have the nucleus of a formidable squad that is surely only going to improve.'
Well at least he didn't mention Anderson...
'FIVE weeks ago Arsene Wenger was a plonker,' writes Mark Lawrenson in the Daily Mirror with the air of a man who knows a plonker when he sees one.
The headline reads 'Arsene critics look silly now' as Lawro writes: 'Where are those critics now with Arsenal two points clear at the top of the Premier League table?'
Well, one of them is writing in the Daily Mirror about how Wenger's critics have been left with egg on their faces.
For it was Lawro who wrote on August 19: 'While Arsenal go backwards, the big clubs have started the new season as they mean to go on...I have no idea what Arsenal are doing...it is all just a mess at the Emirates...just shows you how far Arsenal have fallen behind.'
What A Difference A Month Makes
Martin Samuel, Daily Mail, September 3: 'Mesut Ozil is a very good player. Then again, he was a very good player in June, July and most of August, too, when he didn't appear to be on Arsenal's radar. So, while it is great for English football that he is coming, the perceived wisdom of the Ozil signing as a transfer-deadline masterstroke may be a little far-fetched.'
Martin Samuel, Daily Mail, September 30: 'Mesut Ozil was, without doubt, the game-changer. It was his arrival, coming within 24 hours of a confidence-boosting win over Tottenham Hotspur, that rewrote the narrative at the club. By signing Ozil for a substantial sum, the mood around the club lifted.'
Ozil: Not Bad
One man who remains unconvinced is Michael Owen. Here's what he told the Daily Telegraph on Saturday: "If I look right the way through the Arsenal team, with a view to picking an all-star side from the top six clubs, I would struggle to nominate one Arsenal player. Mesut Ozil is the only one who would have a chance."
Exclusive in The Daily Mirror: 'SAIDO BERAHINO, who stunned Old Trafford with his sensational winner, earns just £850 a week.'
Exclusive in The Sun: 'MANCHESTER UNITED were sunk by a striker earning £850 a week.'
Did he show everybody his pay-slip on Saturday afternoon?
We're not sure what's more disturbing about Dominic King's Daily Mail match zone - that he has noted exactly when Brendan Rodgers has worn a certain black shirt or that he considers it a 'lucky item' because they have beaten Fulham, Newcastle and Sunderland while it was being worn.
What Rodgers wore for the other four games Liverpool have won since Rodgers started wearing his 'lucky' shirt goes unrecorded.
Headline Of The Day
'Torres waits on claw and order' - The Sun.
'TROUBLE BRUYNE' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Citizens of Scott Township, Pa., are in a nutty battle over a set of concrete pillars that some people feel look like concrete penises. The pillars, actually bollards, were recently erected to keep traffic from driving into nearby structures. Four were installed at a bus stop near a church while six others are arrayed across the street, Philly.com reported. In theory, most locals were behind the idea, but the elongated shape and rounded top of the pillars have aroused the wrong kind of community, according to resident Pat Martin. "People are laughing at it. They're calling it Penis Road," she told the township commissioners Tuesday, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported' - Huffington Post.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Nigel Green and Abhisek. If you see something that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.