Steven Howard manages to be miserable at the Emirates, Jose Mourinho spouts some nonsense and Robbie Savage tries to help David Moyes...
Roy Hodgson is asked the perfect question, Mr Grumpypants is back, Jamie Redknapp hates making comparisons. Plus Ace-watch, you lucky things...
It's day two of Harry Redknapp's 'explosive book serialisation' in The Daily Mail, which sees the former Tottenham manager claim all the credit for Gareth Bale's meteoric rise.
'There is some right old rubbish talked about Gareth Bale's time with me at Tottenham,' writes 'Arry.
'Was I ever going to sell Bale? No. Was I going to loan him? No. I've heard talk - everyone from Richard Keys to Alex McLeish - making it sound as if what happened to Bale's career was a fluke and that I never fancied him.
'Whatever faults I may have, I do know a player. Go right back to the first team I ever picked as Tottenham manager, against Arsenal on October 29, 2008, Bale was in it.'
Redknapp might be telling the truth that he never had any plans to get rid of Bale, despite Alex McLeish's quotes to the contrary, but what does it matter that Bale started his first match as Spurs manager? The Welshman started only 13 of Spurs' 41 remaining fixtures that season and three before January in the following campaign, so it's odd that Redknapp is championing his faith in Bale from the very start of his reign.
'We had to tease that combative streak out of him because, at that time, he was regarded as a left-back and was up against Benoit Assou-Ekotto, one of the best in the Premier League,' Redknapp continues.
'Gareth seemed too soft to be a defender so we decided to try him further forward.'
Just who were these people regarding Bale as a left-back, Arry, when you knew to play him further forward?
"I see him as a great left-back eventually," said Redknapp in December 2008.
"I'm not looking for a left-back because you won't get a better one than Gareth Bale," he reiterated in December 2009.
And then, after Bale's two brilliant performances against Internazionale in the Champions League, Redknapp said in November 2010: "In the long term I eventually see Gareth dropping back and playing at left-back where he can be one of the best, if not the best.
"That may sound a bit strange to some people at the moment, especially after the brilliant way he has played against Inter, and because we are very strong down the left side at the moment, especially with Benoit Assou Ekotto at left-back."
Come to think, it does sound a bit strange, 'Arry.
'(Daniel Levy) was the first person to ring me up to wish me luck when I took over at QPR, and even on the night I left Tottenham, the car phone rang and it was Daniel,' continues Harry Redknapp in the Daily Mail.
'"Harry, let's keep in touch," he said. "I hope we can still be friends."
'I thought, "He's got some front. He's just sacked me and now he wants to be mates."
'But we have stayed in touch. I'm not one for grudges.'
That's right, Harry Redknapp is not a man to hold grudges. No siree. He just laughs it off. He would never launch into a bitter...
"I wouldn't trust the FA to show me a good manager if their lives depended on it. How would they know? What clubs have they ever run? Who do they speak to who really knows the game?" said Redknapp in Monday's excerpt of his book.
"I'll admit, I thought it was mine. Everyone seemed so certain, everyone I had met from all parts of the game seemed utterly convinced it was my job.
"Everyone said I was the people's choice, the only choice. All the senior players seemed to be up for me to get the job.
"But the FA went for Roy Hodgson to be the England manager - a man who is more their cup of tea."
That sure doesn't sound like a grudge to us.
The New Bale
Intro in The Sun: 'Andros Townsend has been billed as the new Gareth Bale.'
Who the heck is saying that?
'And SunSport columnist Harry Redknapp even went as far as likening the Spurs star to Holland and Bayern Munich star Arjen Robben.'
Ah. Surely he should have said Ashley Cole?
Crime Of Passion
"Paolo is hugely enthused by the challenge that lies ahead of him. He is passionate, driven and raring to get started" - Sunderland chairman Ellis Short on March 31.
"Gus's track record, experience, commitment and passion make him the right man to take us forward" - Ellis Short after appointing Gus Poyet.
No S**t Sherlock
Writes Martin Lipton in the Daily Mirror: 'Steven Gerrard last night admitted England's week of World Cup destiny will make or break the reputation of Roy Hodgson and his squad.'
Wow. What a revelation. How on earth did you get him to confess? How did you prise that nugget out of him? How did you get him to bare his heart and soul so openly, without fear of retribution? How, Martin? How?
Said Steven Gerrard: "The thought of Wayne, Daniel, Danny and Andros Townsend or James Milner to go at any team is mouthwatering as far as I'm concerned. Mouthwatering."
Welbeck, Townsend and Milner? Mediawatch can't imagine what Gerrard would be like if we gave him an Opal Fruit.
Overstated Surprise Of The Day
'Adnan Januzaj's future for both club and country is likely to be decided by his DAD' - The Sun.
Since when was it such a shock that an 18-year-old's father might have a big say in his career?
Antithesis Of The Day
'Arsenal's forgotten star Chu-Young Park...' - The Daily Mirror.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Much Jor To Come' - The Sun.
'Hammers Shop At Morrisons' - The Daily Mirror.
'Ravel's Ball-ero' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Boozy feral pig who found fame after getting drunk on stolen beer and starting a fight with an innocent cow dies in car accident' - The Independent.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A boozy feral pig that shot to international fame after drinking 18 cans of beer, starting a fight with a cow and causing chaos at an Australian campsite has died in a car accident.
'Local authorities confirmed 'Swino' had recently been hit by a passing vehicle in a remote stretch of the northern Pilbara region, adding that he had been identified by distinctive marking on the back of his ears. It is not known if Swino had been drinking prior to the accident.
'Last month the boorish porker went on a drunken rampage at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left unguarded.
'After he drunk the alcohol, events took a somewhat predictable turn with 'Swino' starting a fight with a cow, demolishing nearby tents and rubbish bins in his hunt for a midnight snack, recklessly swimming into the middle of a river, before eventually collapsing drunk underneath a log.' - The Independent.
R.I.P. In Peace, Swino.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Robert Hallums, Matthew McAleer adn Chris Weir. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.