David Moyes is 'absolutely awesome' but very slow, Neil Custis and Robbie Savage choose to ignore last season and more nonsense...
Nicklas Bendtner can't work out where is party boy reputation is coming from, whilst Spurs' goal difference means they aren't winning, or doing. And a Harry on the turn...
Writes Mark Lawrenson in his Daily Mirror column: 'If it were not for the spiralling expectations in the top flight, managers would have the time to blood young players and stick with them until they reach the point that Townsend has, fulfilling his potential on the biggest stage of all.'
Lawrenson then writes: 'The biggest danger for England is England. We did well on Friday night, even if you do take into account that Montenegro are an average side.'
It's good to know that Mark and Mark are on the same page.
Martin Samuel credits Roy Hodgson for throwing caution to the wind against Montenegro in his column for the Daily Mail, but Mediawatch can't help but think he's a little begrudging in his praise of the England manager.
Actually, make that enormously begrudging.
According to Samuel, Hodgson succeeded 'by doing precisely what the critics asked of him'.
'The critics wanted Hodgson to play in a less cautious style, which England did against Montenegro, winning 4-1,' writes Samuel.
'The critics preferred the attacking Andros Townsend to the more conservative James Milner - and Townsend was, by common agreement, Friday's man of the match.'
Essentially, what Samuel is saying is that Hodgson got there eventually. With the help of his critics - Samuel chief among them - he finally led his team to a thrilling victory, albeit against a 'greatly weakened Montenegro team'.
'So the critics weren't actually wrong,' continues Samuel.
'Qualification is not yet guaranteed and it could just as easily be argued that had Townsend played in Kiev and inspired victory as he did against Montenegro, England would now be four points clear at the top of Group H, checking out Brazilian training camps, and the match with Poland would be a glorified friendly.'
'It was feared too much caution would produce a nail-biting conclusion and this has happened.'
Perhaps if Hodgson had had Wayne Rooney, Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck available against Ukraine, then that might have made a difference too. But don't let Mediawatch stop your encomium, Martin.
Samuel then proceeds to apportion Harry Redknapp a large slice of credit for Andros Townsend's performance, owing to the winger's loan at QPR last season, before concluding:
'So the critics weren't answered or obliged. This was simply one of those rare and pleasant evenings when English football, for the most part, ended up singing from the same song sheet.
'As (Graham) Taylor asked, in his infamous documentary: 'Can we not knock it?' And this time, delightfully, no, we can't.'
No, but you've certainly given it a bloody good go.
'Andros Townsend can follow Gareth Bale's lead and establish himself as a superstar on the wing,' writes John Cross in the Daily Mirror.
'That is the prediction from Kyle Walker who says his Tottenham and England teammate is a "dreadful nightmare" for full-backs to deal with.'
Number of times Kyle Walker says Townsend can become a 'superstar' like Bale: None.
From A Website Not A Million Miles From Here
'Mediawatch can only assume that Hayward has never actually seen Townsend play as he writes: 'Townsend is in form, quick, confident and plays with his head up, unlike so many recent England fliers, who have sprinted up cul-de-sacs or hit the first defender with their crosses.'
'Had he seen Townsend play, he would have been watching an infuriating winger whose one, ineffective trick is to cut inside and twat the ball quite hard towards the goal.'
Mmm. Delicious humble pie.
World Of Good
Said Craig Bellamy after Aaron Ramsey missed a penalty for Wales on Friday: "It has probably done him good to miss as well because he has taken a few and scored."
So, if Mediawatch understands correctly: missing a penalty = good, scoring a penalty = bad.
Well done, Aaron.
With Kyle Walker suspended for England's match against Poland on Tuesday, Mediawatch expects Roy Hodgson to do the sensible thing and bring Phil Jones in for some top-notch gurning at right-back. But perhaps former England international Teddy Sheringham has a better idea.
"You could always put Steven Gerrard there because then you've got delivery coming from the right back, which might be essential," Sheringham told talkSPORT.
"We've got great delivery from the left in Leighton Baines and with Gerrard on the right, it might release Jack Wilshere or Michael Carrick to play, then you've got someone threading a lovely ball through from that position as well."
As we've said on these pages before, Sheringham's famed 'extra yard in the head' has an awful lot of room to manoeuvre in there.
In discussing Andros Townsend's reported new contract at Tottenham, Martin Samuel writes in the Daily Mail: '(Townsend's £6,000 weekly wage) will now improve to £15,000 a week, a lot less than some of the salaries being handed out to foreign imports at Tottenham Hotspur this summer.
'Meanwhile, Roy Hodgson earns good money for England - but substantially less than his predecessor, Fabio Capello.
'Far from being over-priced, it would appear English talent is being utilised as relatively cheap labour.'
Well, isn't this a steaming slice of bulls**t to wade through on a Monday morning.
Just how much does Samuel believe that Townsend should be paid after a grand total of 18 Premier League appearances and an England debut to cause a stirring in the pants of the nation's journalists?
Ahead Of His Time
'Damien Comolli, who was probably ahead of his time as a director of football at both Tottenham and Liverpool before both clubs modernised their management set-ups, is very keen to return to the Premier League, despite his bruising exits from White Hart Lane and Anfield,' writes Charles Sale in the Daily Mail.
How long must we wait for it to be proved that spunking £62million on Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing and Charlie Adam was a good idea?
Laboured Intro Of The Day
'Leighton Baines was on his way to buy a trampoline the day he learnt he was not going to the 2010 World Cup,' writes Shaun Custis in The Sun.
'But he has bounced back from the crushing disappointment of missing South Africa and is setting his sights firmly on getting to Brazil.'
Boom. Now that's how you set up an intro gag.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Fomen At The Mouth' - The Sun have fun with Ukraine coach, Mikhail Fomenko.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'The new president of the RSPB is urging the public to follow her example - by eating roadkill.
'BBC broadcaster Miranda Krestovnikoff was unveiled as the new face of the RSPB this weekend, reports the Daily Telegraph.
'She wants more people to source their meat from the roadsie instead of their local supermarket or butcher.
'She recently hosted a dinner party featuring fried rat with garlic and soy sauce, fox sautéd in garlic and badger chasseur with tomato sauce and croutons.
'"It would be good to encourage it more widely," she said. "I don't see why not. People have a problem with it because the meat has not come from a cellophane wrapper.
'"But if the meat is fresh, there's no risk of catching anything. It's lean, healthy, organic, free, guilt-free and as fresh as fresh can be."' - Orange.co.uk
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