Steven Howard manages to be miserable at the Emirates, Jose Mourinho spouts some nonsense and Robbie Savage tries to help David Moyes...
Roy Hodgson is asked the perfect question, Mr Grumpypants is back, Jamie Redknapp hates making comparisons. Plus Ace-watch, you lucky things...
Mediawatch has heard from all and sundry about Sir Alex Ferguson's new book this week, but one particularly whiny voice has been missing...step forward Robbie Savage in the Daily Mirror.
'This is a book Fergie didn't need to write,' writes Savage in a column of which the same could be said.
'For a man who achieved so much and whose place in football legend is assured, I feel it demeans a Knight of the Realm.'
Won't someone think of the maidens! We can't have Knights running around willy-nilly releasing autobiographies. This is not the Dark Ages.
But what is Savage's beef? It can't be the fact that Ferguson released him as a youngster, because he makes that perfectly clear:
'Let's put my cards on the table. I am not bitter that Fergie released me as a teenager. I was not good enough to play for United, so I have no axe to grind.
'And I am not bitter about the day he slammed the door of the away dressing room at Birmingham City in my face after a game where David Beckham had agreed to let me have his shirt.'
So what is it, Robbie? Mediawatch simply must know the reason for your dislike of the man. After all, we've been waiting all week to hear your hard-hitting views on Fergie's book.
'But I used to live next door to Fergie, and he never acknowledged me once.
'Now, I can't decide whether he was just guarding his privacy or being rude.'
Boooo. What a monster. And we bet Ferguson doesn't even mention once in his book that he lived next door to a superstar. Some Knight of the Realm he is.
Zing Of The Day
Mediawatch must credit the whining Savage for one thing, however, as he delivers a withering put-down to Ferguson in his Daily Mirror column.
'It's only fair to point out the lighter side of Ferguson's nature,' he writes.
'He does a lot of fantastic work for charity and has always been a loyal family man - so loyal that one of his sons, now a fine manager in his own right, even played 27 games for United.'
Gaitgate Part One
Said Brendan Rodgers on Sir Alex Ferguson's odd comments about Jordan Henderson's running style: "I was bitterly disappointed. Sir Alex is somebody who obviously works with young players and nurtured young players so the statement made about Jordan was inappropriate.
"This is a young guy who I have worked with now for over a season and you won't get a more honest player to work with as a manager or coach."
While Rodgers is understandably keen to defend his player, Mediawatch feels it should be remembered that he also made a snap judgement on Henderson when he offered the midfielder to Fulham in exchange for Clint Dempsey shortly after joining Liverpool.
It's all well and good sticking up for Henderson now, but had Rodgers had his way only a few months after arriving at Anfield, it would no longer be his responsibility.
"I'm sure if they bump into each other, Sir Alex will apologise for that," Rodgers continued.
Mediawatch certainly wouldn't bet on that.
"I think every football person would have enjoyed seeing him going out and leaving the legacy he had done. But now people are only going to talk about his comments in the book...I don't want to publicise the book more than it already has been."
Mediawatch would suggest you stop talking then, Brendan.
Gaitgate Part Two
While Mediawatch found Ferguson's comments on Henderson to be puzzling in a comical way, there is no little outrage in the papers over his bizarre assertion that the midfielder will have 'problems later in his career' due to his running style.
'His assessment of Jordan Henderson amounts to the most morally reprehensible couple of sentences on any of the 402 pages,' blasts Matt Lawton in the Daily Mail.
'Ferguson wrote this with the sole intention of taking one last swipe at an old adversary in Kenny Dalglish, the former Manchester United manager's argument being that Dalglish made a number of expensive mistakes in the players he signed during his second term in charge at Anfield.
'Fair point, Ferguson might claim. But he did so with no regard whatsoever for the players, and in particular Henderson. As Rodgers countered, it was a disgusting thing to say about an honest, hard-working 23-year-old footballer with the best years of his career ahead of him.
'Ferguson thought nothing of the impact it might have on the young man, either now or later in his life if the day does arrive when he needs to find employment at another football club. 'Damaging,' was how Rodgers put it, and rightly so given the considerable weight Ferguson's words carry.'
Surely it's a little far-fetched to suggest that another club would opt against signing Henderson because Ferguson thinks that he runs a bit funny? It was a weird comment, nothing more, and if Henderson has any nous he'll dismiss it as a man trying to sell a book by taking as many pot shots as possible at his old rivals.
"They can't afford any more slip-ups. Maybe they are a little bit vulnerable," said Mark Hughes ahead of Stoke's trip to Manchester United on Saturday. "I don't think there's that aura around the club at the moment and maybe it's a good time to meet them."
Perhaps. Or perhaps Hughes' transparent attempt at mind games doesn't carry much weight when his Stoke team have lost three of their last four matches and scored only once in five.
'After his betrayal of trust this week, Fergie has been told that what goes on in the dressing-room should stay in the dressing-room - as indeed should Ryan Giggs,' writes 'comedy' tipster Derek McGovern in the Daily Mirror.
'The Welshman is at that age where he can probably remember everything about World War II but forgets his PIN number.'
Do you also suffer from RAS syndrome? Help is available. For more information, Mediawatch advises that you click here for possibly the finest Wikipedia page ever written.
'I asked Sir Alex at his book launch if his continued high profile might be handicapping Moyes,' writes David Woods in the Daily Star.
'He gave a considered and polite answer - the hairdryer was still obviously in his hotel room!'
LOL! ROFL! BANTZ! ROFLCOPTER!
Accidental Partridge Of The Day
Writes Robbie Savage in his 'story of the week' for the Daily Mirror: 'Last year I fell off a camel and nearly broke my arm, this year I was evacuated from Mount Kilimanjaro with altitude sickness and had a near-miss with a head-on collision on the way back to the airport. There's something about me and Africa that doesn't go together.'
Said Eden Hazard ahead of Chelsea's clash with Man City: "I hope (Vincent Kompany) is going to play. He is a great defender. He is really important for them because when he plays, they win, and when he doesn't, they often lose.'
So are you sure you want him to play then, Eden?
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Tony's Being Pul-ed In' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A hunter took aim at a moose, but missed and accidentally hit a man sitting on the toilet in a nearby cabin, according to police.
'The bullet whizzed past the animal, pierced the wooden wall behind it and struck the man in the stomach.
'The victim, who is in his seventies, was flown by helicopter to hospital but his injury was not life-threatening, said the policeman who led the investigation, Anders Stroemsaether.
'The hunter was taken in for questioning in Hvaler district, about 74 miles south-east of the capital, Oslo.
'The moose escaped unscathed.' - The Independent.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Chris Hall and Jack Organ. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.