Roy Hodgson is asked the perfect question, Mr Grumpypants is back, Jamie Redknapp hates making comparisons. Plus Ace-watch, you lucky things...
England fans targeted for muggings and rapes, United go from credit to crisis in seven days and the curse that's not a curse...
Mediawatch already loved Jorgen Klopp. Now Mediawatch wants to take Jurgen Klopp out for dinner and hide the ring in a cake. Here's an excerpt from David Hytner's piece in The Guardian: 'Klopp loves to laugh and his is a very big laugh. He jokes that his ugly face is one problem and he turns to the journalist from the Sun. "You have the same problem," he says, uproariously.'
The facially challenged journalist from The Sun was of course Mediawatch's old pal Antony Kastrinakis.
Oddly enough, Kastrinakis does not mention that particular Klopp quote in his Sun piece. He does, however, claim other Klopp quotes as an 'exclusive' despite the same interview being printed in The Guardian, The Times, The Daily Telegraph and The Daily Mail.
Ugly AND shameless. The boy really is cursed.
Mediawatch is always intrigued to see the back pages of Britain's national newspapers on days when there is no obvious headline story. Will they make something up or make something out of absolutely nothing? The Sun have gone for the latter with their back-page headline of 'JOE BLOW'. The story? 'MANUEL PELLEGRINI does not know when he will recall Joe Hart to the Manchester City team.'
Wow. Well done. Thanks. For. That. Football manager will not reveal his line-ups for the next month in advance. And it's on the back page. Next time maybe just make something up?
Killjoy Of The Week
'It was hard not to think about Roy Hodgson at the Etihad Stadium on Saturday,' writes James Ducker in The Times. With Manchester City scoring seven goals - largely through the genius of Sergio Aguero and David Silva - Mediawatch would like to think that we would have been thinking of pretty much anything but Roy Hodgson.
Garth Crooks usually picks his team of the week for the BBC website by looking at a list of goalscorers and then shoehorning them into a vaguely recognisable formation. This week he was given the gift of a goalkeeper scoring a freak, wind-assisted goal. So in goes Asmir Begovic (along with seven other goalscorers). The best Premier League goalkeeper of the weekend was apparently a man who made the grand total of one save.
Mediawatch is just amazed that Crooks didn't name Loic Remy and Yoan Gouffran as his full-backs.
Why does anybody still give any credence to the witterings of Tony Adams? Back in June he said that Arsene Wenger should steer clear of Gonzalo Higuain on the following incredibly shaky grounds: "My fear is that if Real don't want him, you are coming in under that. If you want to compete with Real Madrid you don't get their cast-offs. You need the best players in the league to win the league."
Now it's November and Adams is saying in The Sun: "Ozil's signing was fantastic - let's have some more."
Remind us again where Arsenal signed Ozil from, Tony?
The Sun are rather proud of the Emmanuel Adebayor interview they secured on Sunday. So proud that they mention it again on Monday's back page, saying 'he revealed in yesterday's SunSport he was forced to train with the youth team when he returned to the club after the death of his brother'.
That's really quite the revelation considering that Andre Villas-Boas said this on September 12: "At the moment Ade is not with us because we have granted him authorisation to stay in Togo until Monday for personal reasons. Up to when I find it appropriate, he will train with the development team."
Jose Mourinho, November 1 before Chelsea's clash with Newcastle: "It's not easy for me to leave some players at home or on the bench because I think everyone deserves to play. To have all those choices is a good problem and to have all the players playing well and committed to the group is fantastic."
Jose Mourinho, November 2 after Chelsea's defeat at Newcastle: "I have been in this game for many years and I was smelling what was going to happen. This result is the consequence of our team that was not out there. We were too soft. We deserved to lose. I made 11 mistakes. I should have picked the other 11."
We know he's handsome but just how good did Daniel Agger look in the warm-up that he merited a mark out of ten in the Liverpool Echo? Judging by the numbers, he looked better than Steven Gerrard, Lucas Leiva, Jordan Henderson or Aly Cissokho did on the pitch.
Question Of The Day
Does Angel Rangel still think Cardiff "paid too much money for Gary Medel because he's a holding midfielder, he's not a goalscorer"?
Big Yellow Taxi
There's been a re-writing of Sunderland's history in recent days with Steve Bruce suggesting on Friday that his Geordieness rather than his managerial record got him sacked.
And now Mike Morgan writes in The Sun: 'HULL continue to flourish under Steve Bruce while Sunderland carry on floundering without him. Just goes to show that there are in times in football, as in life, when you do not appreciate what you have until it has gone.'
And there are times when nobody can remember as far back as November 2011 when Sunderland started the season with two wins in their first 13 games. It seems that this week is one of those times.
'NATHAN REDMOND could end up costing Norwich an extra £1million after his flying start to the season,' writes John Cross in the Daily Mirror.
Since when does one goal, no assists and no Premier League start since September represent a 'flying start'? When you've committed to a weekly piece about an English player 'in association with Commercial Vehicles', that's when.
Jamie Redknapp is banging the England drum for West Ham midfielder Mark Noble in the Daily Mail, but Mediawatch can't help but think he's choosing his statistics carefully. He uses a graphic of the players who attempted the most passes this weekend and wonders if Roy Hodgson would be impressed that Noble is third on that list behind Yaya Toure and Mikel Arteta.
Mediawatch cannot help thinking that the key word is 'attempted'. A quick glance at a list of pass completion rates for Premier League players this season puts Noble in 129th, just below Cardiff's Don Cowie. But my word, he attempts a lot of passes. Call him up, Roy.
Quote Of The Day
"He likes having the ball, playing football, passes...it's like an orchestra. But it's a silent song, yeah? I like heavy metal" - Jurgen Klopp.
Headline Of The Day
'EL TRAFFICO' - The Sun on the traffic problems caused by the South Wales derby.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'EVERTON EYE SOU-PERBOY' - The Daily Mirror. His name is John Souttar, you see.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Many men worry about the size of their penis - haunted by the size of the boat/motion of the ocean debate - but it turns out they may be putting their measuring tape in the wrong place. Recent research suggests that size really does matter in the bedroom - but rather than focusing on the crotch, men should be more concerned about their shirt collar size. The study reveals that men with a neck circumference of more than 16.3 inches (41 cm) are more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED)' - Huffington Post.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Diarmuid Byrne. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.