Follow a transfer journey with the Daily Star from start to finish, whilst Arsene Wenger has changed his outlook to only use older players. Plus, who cares about Giroud's hair?
'Man uses cash machine' is the Mail's big scoop, and more pandering to Liverpool fans...
Change Of Heart
Said Daniel Sturridge on Tuesday: "For me, regardless of what condition you are in, if you are selected by the manager of England you go out there and do the best you can, regardless of whether you are injured or not."
Said Sturridge in September: "I'm more worried about Liverpool and more worried about putting in good performances for us, us winning games and challenging for trophies. That is my main ambition - it's not about playing for England."
The Premier League season is only 12 games old but the Daily Mail are already ramping up the pressure on Andre Villas-Boas, who it seems remains a prime target for the press over his 'eccentric' ways.
'Villas-Boas faces a fight to keep his job as Spurs boss with pressure mounting from boardroom and players after £107m spending spree,' blasts the Mail online's headline, with Neil Ashton detailing the concerns at Tottenham over a stuttering start to the campaign.
Before Mediawatch continues, it would like to point out that after Spurs lost 6-0 to Manchester City on Sunday, Ashton tweeted: 'There goes the look of a manager who has finally been found out.'
That's right, forget winning four trophies in his only season at Porto, forget the 85% win record he achieved that year, forget leading Spurs to their highest-ever points total in the Premier League in his first season in charge; Villas-Boas is a fraud.
So, bearing Ashton's view in mind, Mediawatch pulls on the waders to read how Villas-Boas is 'facing a fight to keep his job' despite how preposterous that idea may sound.
'Somehow - with their team pasted 6-0 by City - Levy, Baldini and the rest of the Spurs contingent retained their dignity. Inside, they were ready to explode,' writes Ashton, privy to Daniel Levy and Franco Baldini's emotional states.
'This was the season they were meant to keep City, United, Arsenal and the rest within reach. Instead, they are ninth in the Premier League, eight points behind their north London rivals.'
Let Mediawatch remind you again: the season is only 12 games old. We are less than a third of the way through, and yet the Mail deem it fit to already class Nacer Chadli and Erik Lamela as 'misses' in their verdicts on Spurs' summer signings.
'To add to the executive frustration, there is discontent among the players that Andre Villas-Boas came out after the embarrassing defeat and claimed the squad should feel 'ashamed',' claims Ashton.
'A code has been broken and the bond between manager and players is at breaking point. Villas-Boas will struggle to recover some players' trust.'
That might sound worrying to Spurs supporters, but Ashton then continues: 'Last season there was the mother of all rows when keeper Brad Friedel stormed into Villas-Boas's office following the arrival of Hugo Lloris from Lyon.
'Friedel accused the manager of lying to him over his role in the team. To Villas-Boas's credit, he apologised and their relationship is solid.'
So Villas-Boas will struggle to regain his players' trust and yet somehow still holds a solid relationship with Friedel following their disagreement last year? Huh, go figure.
None of this would have happened if 'Arry was still in charge.
Slight Difference Of Opinion
'£111m down the drain!' - The Sun.
'How AVB's £107m revolution has turned into a nightmare' - The Daily Mail.
'Only Paulinho has been a hit so far' - The Sun.
'One of AVB's preferred starters, he (Paulinho) has not lived up to his price tag' - The Daily Mail.
Once Upon A Time In The Midlands
'West Bromwich Albion's draw with Aston Villa was thoroughly entertaining and filled with some good football. But at full time I started to wonder why so few players from the Midlands are picked for England,' writes Adrian Durham in the Daily Mail.
'Are they all overlooked because they're not good enough? Surely not.
'Recently there was talk of West Brom striker Saido Berahino getting a shout for the friendlies against Chile and Germany. It didn't happen.'
Let Mediawatch stop you there, Adrian. That's because the 20-year-old Berahino has made only two Premier League starts in his first season at this level. It would be mental to throw him in the England squad at this stage of his career.
Durham continues: 'Aston Villa have several players who Roy Hodgson could consider: Fabian Delph has finally come of age and is playing consistently well, Matthew Lowton may be on the bench this season but he could easily have been England's right back earlier this year - he was in stunning form while questions were still quite rightly being asked about Glen Johnson and Kyle Walker - but he was overlooked.'
So, from all the Midlands clubs, the only names you can come up with are Berahino, Delph (who may be playing well, but is a long way behing England's first-choice midfield options) and Lowton - a player who can't even get in the first team at Villa and said last week that he blames himself for his lack of form.
Quick, Roy! Get yourself down there ASAP.
'I've never booed them, even when they were losing 5-0 at home to local rivals Northampton in the 1980s,' writes Adrian Durham of his beloved Peterborough in the Daily Mail.
'But I'm dreading going to Brentford. They are in stunning form and could run up a cricket score against our gutless shambles.'
Doing the honourable thing. Never booing, but calling your team a 'gutless shambles' in a national newspaper.
Said Yaya Toure on Manchester City trying to beat the Premier League scoring record: "We're very attacking. All the strikers enjoy it. Even Edin Dzeko and Stevan Jovetic score."
Even Dzeko and Jovetic.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
The papers are predictably delighted with Jose Mourinho's new haircut on Tuesday with The Sun writing a particularly peculiar column on the Chelsea boss's new 'do.
Writes Andrew Dillon: 'Mourinho had a crop during his first spell as Chelsea boss in 2006. Back then he declared: "Look at my haricut, I'm ready for war."
'But it failed to inspire his squad and instead signalled the start of a long fall-out with owner Roman Abramovich, which ended with Mourinho's exit the following year.'
If that isn't a case for wrongful dismissal, then Mediawatch doesn't know what is.
Gone Til December
"If I don't play again until December, I'll revise my options," said Emmanuel Adebayor after making his first Premier League appearance of the season against Manchester City.
Surely he can wait until Sunday?
If you've just woken up with the mother of all hangovers and a patchy memory of riding a Shetland pony bareback through the streets of Middlesbrough at some point during the weekend, let Mediawatch offer you a bit of help. Today is Tuesday, three days after Saturday and one before Wednesday.
This minor detail seems to have escaped The Sun, who deem Carlton Cole's 'angry clash' with a West Ham supporter on Twitter on Saturday morning to still be newsworthy a mere three days later.
'Carlton Cole has sparked a row after branding a West Ham fan's mum "useless in bed",' writes Rob Beasley, a man with his finger on the pulse.
'Cole, 30, who has had only one start since re-joining West Ham on a short-term deal, could now be in trouble for his angry reply.'
So Cole 'could be in trouble' for his indiscretion - in other words, there have been no developments on this story since it was first reported three days ago.
Thanks. For. That.
The Daily Mirror's 'top tipster' Derek McGovern continues his one-man crusade to taint the paper's 'intelligent tabloid' rebrand, writing in his betting column: 'It's a big day for the BBC Sports Personality award today - bookies go 1-2 that a woman makes the shortlist and 1-10 that one makes the tea.'
For those of you with an even bigger hangover, the year is 2013.
Troubling Tweet Of The Day
'Whet your appetite for the @fifawwc with tickets to see the world's best young female talent' - No word from FIFA on whether they're wearing the 'tighter shorts' that leave Sepp Blatter all aquiver.
Thought Of The Day
'Friendship is weird. You pick a human you've met and you're like, "yup I like this one", and you just do stuff with them' - Robert Earnshaw gets deep on Twitter.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Special Number 1 - He's Have-A-Go Hairo' - The Sun.
'Charge Of The Fight Brigade - Pulis: It's a Crimea if we go down' - The Sun.
'Hart Gone To Pott' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A woman has used human hair to build an extension to her historic house.
'Paula Sunshine, 42, has gathered up her raw material from local hairdressers as well as using her own and her dogs.
'The expert craftswoman and author teaches traditional building techniques to builders, owners of old homes and those interested in tried and tested construction methods.
"Traditionally people would use cattle hair from long-haired cattle. But we don't get many long-haired cattle around here anymore so I use human hair."
'She added: "People say it is not thick enough but you just put more in. I don't think human hair is a lot different. I've probably got my own hair in there and that of my dogs from when they were moulting."' - The Telegraph
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters, Barry Griffin and Ved Kamat. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.