The exact sum of money doesn't matter so just guess, a professional footballer has gone out for dinner and everyone gets caught hook, line and sinker on Marco Reus...
Follow a transfer journey with the Daily Star from start to finish, whilst Arsene Wenger has changed his outlook to only use older players. Plus, who cares about Giroud's hair?
Intriguing Difference Of Opinion
"I've got to say we had a word with him about a month ago and we said that he needs to be the last off the training field. Wayne's out there practising his finishing each day, whether it's taking free-kicks, shooting from tight angles or bending them in, whatever it may be Wayne's practising. I said: 'Danny, you need to be out there every day finishing, even if it's 15 minutes at the end.'" - David Moyes, speaking on Tuesday.
"I have been doing that (extra practise) ever since I have been at United. Obviously I have been injured this season so maybe the manager has not seen me on the training pitch as much. Maybe, I haven't seen what he has said." - Danny Welbeck, speaking on Thursday.
'Swansea striker Michu has urged his manager Brian Laudrup to bring in Liverpool striker Iago Aspas on loan this January' - the Liverpool Echo.
Festive Cheer With The Redknapps
Said Jamie Redknapp in his Christmas wish for the Daily Mail: 'I want an ending like we had two years ago with Aguero's last-ditch winner for Man City. A final day with so much excitement at the top and the bottom. And of course I want my dad and QPR to come back to the Premier League.'
Something so obvious that it really didn't need to be mentioned, and yet he said it anyway.
Ah, Mediawatch has just continued to the next question in the Mail's Christmas feature...
'If you could have one Premier League player over for Christmas dinner, who would it be?'
JR: "Christmas is a time for family so it will have to be my cousin Frank Lampard. I reckon he'd be out in the garden for hours teaching the kids how to score from distance and time their runs into the box perfectly."
Please, someone pass the bucket. And not just because of all the fizzy pop we drank at the Christmas party last night.
Don't Bank On It
Along with Redknapp, Daily Mail journalist Ian Ladyman shares his Premier League predictions and a Christmas wish on Friday, but Mediawatch fears the festive plans in the Ladyman household may already have been ruined.
Writes Ladyman: 'I hope the idiot who owns Cardiff City doesn't sack his manager. In an age when foreign coaches dominate we need to support our good British ones and the pressure currently being placed on Malky Mackay by Vincent Tan is, frankly, unacceptable.'
Don't hold your breath on that one.
Robbie Savage makes a decent point in his Daily Mirror column about Andre Villas-Boas unfairly shouldering all of the blame for Tottenham's problems, but Mediawatch can't help but feel he contradicts himself as he then continues to discuss Steve Clarke's sacking at West Brom.
Writes Savage on Spurs: 'And what of sporting director Franco Baldini? He should front up and answer a few questions, among them whether Villas-Boas wanted all seven of those players signed in the last transfer window.'
And then, on Clarke and West Brom: 'What I will say is that some of Clarke's signings this season have not worked out, to say the least. Nicolas Anelka, Matej Vydra, Scott Sinclair, Victor Anichebe, Stephane Sessegnon...none of them have really come up to scratch.'
If it's accountability you're looking for, Robbie, then you might want to have a word with the Baggies' 'sporting and technical director' Richard Garlick, who fulfils the same role as Baldini.
Writes Robbie Savage in the Daily Mirror: 'I hope Sergio Aguero is fit in time for Manchester City's European Cup tie with Barcelona - because I would fancy their chances even more if he is.'
So City stand a better chance of beating Barca if their top-scoring 19-goal striker is fit? No s**t.
Late Entry For Non-Story Of The Year
The Daily Mail online have snuck in with a late nomination for the non-story of the year (an awards category they already dominated, to be honest), with their fascinating report on Manchester City's Christmas party.
'If points were given to Christmas parties, Arsenal would be top...but lowly City would be staring at relegation after timid affair' grins the Mail's headline.
A couple of quick points:
1) Points aren't given to Christmas parties.
2) Stop it.
'Manchester City players and staff held their Christmas party on Thursday night, but compared to the Arsenal squad's fancy dress antics at Chinawhite on Wednesday it went down like a lead balloon,' writes John Drayton in his audition to join The Sun's 3am team.
'With a match at Craven Cottage on Saturday the squad kept their night out as lowkey as possible, booking the Hula Tiki Lounge in Stevenson Square, Manchester, for a private party on a wet and miserable night,
'Some of the stars looked rather less than pleased with the party arrangements, arriving in a rush on their mobile phones.'
Have you considered it might have been yourself and the loitering paps they were less than pleased with, John?
From A Site Not A Million Miles From Here
'This Chelsea side have played six games against top-half sides this season, winning twice at home - against Manchester City and Chelsea.'
Things aren't quite that bad at the Bridge.
Headline in the Daily Mirror: 'Dyke tells Jack: Just GROW UP'
Actual quotes from FA chairman Greg Dyke, speaking about Jack Wilshere's two-match ban:
"As a supporter I sympathise sometimes with the players because of the flak they get from the crowd.
"But he's very well paid and has to learn to cope. You think back over many years of players who were quite hot-headed when younger, but not when they get older. They learn and mature."
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Jarvis Cocky' - The Daily Mirror.
'Mousa Left Dembstruck' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A 49-year-old man who was spotted masturbating naked as he drove along a busy motorway had got carried away in a "messaging conversation", a court heard.
'Neal Marshall, of Whitby was witnessed by an HGV driver as he performed the sex act while driving his Ford Escort on the M56 in August.
'Adrian Evans, defending, described his client's case as "bizarre" but said he had been engaged in a "messaging conversation" and got "carried away".' - huffingtonpost.co.uk
Thanks to today's spotters Oliver Dziggel and Gareth Lennox. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.