Follow a transfer journey with the Daily Star from start to finish, whilst Arsene Wenger has changed his outlook to only use older players. Plus, who cares about Giroud's hair?
'Man uses cash machine' is the Mail's big scoop, and more pandering to Liverpool fans...
Bring The Moyes
As someone in the Mailbox pointed out this morning, it lacked something by way of pizzazz. There was no Trappatoni-style unintelligible screaming. There was no piece of paper and big list of grievances. There was no swearing. But Davie Moyes' press conference meltdown on Tuesday still had a number of fine, fine moments.
The decision to stare down a Sky reporter at the beginning was a cunning tactical move on the part of the Manchester United manager, and a completely proportionate reaction to the question asked. After all, the opening gambit "Good afternoon," is a well-known journalistic tactic to lower the interviewee's guard, to relax him or her and get them to say something unwise. Smart move Davie - you show them who's boss.
Once that marker was laid down, Moyes was asked to explain why United are currently 21 points worse off than last season. He could have made a point of comparing the relevant fixtures in the two time periods. He could have explained that it takes time for a new manager's methods to take hold. He could even have pointed out that the previous manager left him a woefully inadequate squad with more holes in it than Sonny Corleone. But no. Instead, he chose to say:
"Well, I was at Everton so I wasn't 21 points worse off. I was at Everton."
Moyes has done this a couple of times, and Mediawatch can't quite wrap our head around the logic of him actively pointing out that the only real difference in personnel between this and last season is the chap sitting in the dugout who looks like a little boy who's lost his mum in Tesco.
He compounded this by saying: "I think the players are doing great. I think I've got a great group of players. I'm very fortunate I took over the champions and I think the players have been terrific."
Of course, one wouldn't expect him to say 'That lot are a bunch of useless sh*thouses', even though he has basically already said that, in so many words, by making it very clear that he wants to chuck the current squad in a big metal bin and set them all on fire in the Old Trafford car park come the summer. But again, by saying the players are doing fine, it does somewhat limit the targets for the big blunderbuss of blame.
It's also worth pointing out that Everton, where Davie so helpfully reminded us he was last year, are currently three points better off than they were after 25 games last term (and will be six better after 26 if they beat Crystal Palace tonight), after selling Marouane Fellaini, their best midfielder and arguably their best player, in the summer. Remind us where he went again?
Still, we can understand why someone under that amount of pressure might be tetchy with the press. However, it probably isn't a good move, with many of United's fans at tipping point when it comes to their support of Moyes, to basically call anyone who thought simply slinging in 82 crosses against Fulham with little or no variation a moronic nonsense. A sort of 'Yous are all f*cking idiots' aimed at the entire nation, rather than just the press.
"You need to have a football intelligence, a football brain, to understand first of all," he said.
Sit down, everyone. Shut up and just take this sh*t being shovelled into your eyes. Don't agree with what's happening? Sorry, you don't have a football brain, so pipe down.
Moyes is a man promoted above his abilities into a job he couldn't turn down, he has a colossal weight of expectation on his shoulders and the eyes of the man who left him a deficient squad burning into the back of his skull every Saturday. It's for those reasons that Mediawatch often feels sorry for Davie Moyes, but by f*ck he makes it difficult for us sometimes.
Bright British Future
Said Brendan Rodgers: "I think it is a good signal (that five British players faced Arsenal) and a good statement, especially for young British players, that if you come to Liverpool you will get your opportunity if your focus is right. It has been a life's work for me. Since I started as a young coach, British players were told they were not technically good enough or not tactically good enough. I set out on a journey to prove that wasn't the case. They can be."
But if Rodgers is so determined to give British players a chance, why have they accounted for only two of his 15 signings, while eight have been shipped out during his reign?
And that's before Mediawatch considers this quote from Jordan Henderson after the midfielder was offered to Fulham in part-exhange for home-slice Clint Dempsey: "When the manager told me I could go to Fulham it was a bit of a shock at first. What he said came as a sort of bolt from the blue. I worked really had to come to a club like Liverpool and I didn't want to leave in a hurry."
It seems either Rodgers isn't that committed to his life's work, or what he says is a steaming pile of horse s**t.
"Take away the big boys and they are the best team in the league," said Steve Bruce of Southampton after they beat Hull 1-0.
Well, it does sound better than losing at home to the eighth-best team in the league.
Welcome To Hell
Regular readers of Mediawatch will know that we are huge fans of Oliver Holt's hyperbole and he doesn't disappoint with his latest Daily Mirror column on Arsenal.
'Arsenal lost for the first time in nearly two months on Saturday,' Holt begins. 'It felt like the dawning of the apocalypse.'
As well as painting a vivid image of 'a stadium descending into a self-loathing hell' and Arsenal 'feeling like a volcano that's about to blow', Holt ends with that old bombastic favourite: 'Lose and the hounds of hell will run free.'
Of course, that's if they're not still running free after Luis Suarez ('Suarez committed a kindergarten crime and for his transgression, he has been pursued by the hounds of hell and even David Cameron'), Lord Triesman ('When he had the temerity to mention that he was worried about some clubs' levels of debt, the Premier League set the hounds of hell upon him') and football agent Colin Gordon ('Colin Gordon pointed out what everybody already knows - that football in this country is bent - and the hounds of hell were unleashed upon him').
Late To The Party
As Mediawatch has remarked on many previous occasions, the problem with Oliver Holt penning his Daily Mirror column for Wednesday is that he still insists on walking into Monday's newsroom with a crate of ice-cold cans shouting "Paaartay".
'Maybe Craig Bellamy deserves a ban for his admonishing tap to the back of Jonathan de Guzman's head on Saturday,' ponders Holt, oblivious to the fact that us mere mortals may already have computed these thoughts in our tiny minds.
'But if he is punished, why should Manchester City's Yaya Toure escape for booting Ricky van Wolfswinkel in the back at Norwich? As always, it's the consistency that kills you.'
As always, Thanks. For. That.
It's Because He's From Spain!
Writes the Daily Mirror's James Nursey of Señor Pepe Mel taking West Brom on a warm weather training trip: 'The Baggies must knuckle down in Jerez on their training trip if they are to adjust to life under Mel before the crunch home game with Fulham on February 22nd. Because there is currently no paella or sangria on the menu at the Hawthorns, only the sour taste of a looming relegation battle.'
Mediawatch imagines John Cross might have a strong word or two to say to the Daily Mirror's subs this morning following the headline stuck at the top of his story on Mesut Ozil.
'WENGER'S MESSAGE TO MESUT: Toughen up; Stop looking for perfect pass; start scoring' blasts the headline outlining Arsene Wenger's supposed demands.
However, that rather contrasts with Cross writing beneath that 'Wenger has launched a passionate defence of his German superstar', with the Arsenal boss saying: "For me he is an exceptional player. There is a big expectation level but he should not worry about that, just play in the team and enjoy it, give his best."
Anyone would think they're trying to sell papers.
Said Alan Pardew of Luuk De Jong's performance against Chelsea: "He never gave the ball away - he was strong and took the ball in."
Or, after Mediawatch takes a quick look at the stats, De Jong lost possession six times (the second-highest of all players) and completed just 71% of his passes - the worst of all out-field players who started the match.
Aspiration Of The Day
Alan Pardew: "Davide Santon could be the Phil Neville of this club."
Laboured Intro Of The Day
Writes Colin Young in the Daily Mail, clearly mindful of his word count: 'When Hull City returned to the promised land of the Barclays Premier League they had 14 new goal-line cameras installed, tested and switched on for the big kick-off. Against Southampton, those hi-tech Goal Decision System devices at the top of the stands of the KC Stadium proved Hull's undoing.
'When Jose Fonte hammered a shot goalwards in a frenetic few seconds of action, the watch of referee Martin Atkinson vibrated to indicate a 69th minute shot from the Saints defender had crossed the line to give the visitors a deserved victory at the KC Stadium. As it turned out, Rickie Lambert hammered the rebound into the back of the net anyway and Fonte's shot was clearly over the line'
So the cameras didn't prove Hull's undoing at all then?
And thanks for informing us of Fonte's shot twice.
Story Of The Day
Headline in the Daily Mail: 'Ronaldo hit by lighter'
Story: 'Cristiano Ronaldo was struck on the head by a lighter thrown by an Atletico fan at Real Madrid's Copa del Rey semi-final second leg. Real won 5-0 on aggregate.'
Accompanying photo: Ronaldo being struck by said lighter.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Vic Peeves Blues' - the Daily Mirror.
Sexy Monkey Story Of The Day
'A German zoo says it's sending a monkey Casanova to the Czech Republic because he's produced so many offspring that he may soon start having children with his own relatives.
'Halle Zoo monkey keeper Jutta Heuer told The Associated Press Tuesday that her 25 female adult squirrel monkeys had rejected all other males and have only been mating with 10-year-old Purus, who arrived in 2009.
'He's now sired about 50 offspring - some of which went to other zoos, but many are now reaching the age of sexual maturity. Heuer says that could cause problems like genetic defects if they were to breed.
'So he's soon off to the Zlin Zoo, just in time for mating season.' - news24.com
Thanks to Zubair Timol. If you spot something that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.