The Page That Could Luge

Can somebody tell David Moyes we're already in the second half of the season? Plus, The Sun's agenda on Mesut Ozil continues apace...

Last Updated: 13/02/14 at 12:08

Latest Articles

The Page That Is Drunk On Power

Post comment

'Man uses cash machine' is the Mail's big scoop, and more pandering to Liverpool fans...

The Page That Has Been Very Busy

Post comment

Martin Samuel struggles to remember last season's title winners and why all the neutrals are backing 'Super Suarez'...

All Articles

Seconds Out
"If there is one club in history who have been great at winning games in the second half of the season and putting pressure on the teams above it is Manchester United," said David Moyes while holding a fistful of straws after the 0-0 draw with Arsenal.

Does anybody have the heart to tell him that we're already seven games into the second half of the season and his resurgent United side have picked up just eight points? That's less than West Ham, Sunderland and Crystal Palace - and the latter pair have a game in hand.

But yeah Davie, any minute now...

What's The Story?
Once The Sun had decided that Mesut Ozil's floppery is the narrative, there could be no deviation from that story arc despite him being, well, not bad at all against Manchester United. The Daily Mirror probably called it about right in their player ratings when they said that Ozil (7) was 'better' and that he 'worked hard, looked dangerous, passed well'.

But according to The Sun's OZIL WATCH sidebar (and my word do they love a sidebar?), Ozil (5) was a 'peripheral figure' and the 'Invisible Man' at the Emirates, where he peripherally created seven chances, invisibly dribbled past four Man United players and even made two tackles - two more than Jack Wilshere.

But Mediawatch suspects that when you go balls-out with a back-page Wednesday headline about a '£42m flop', you really do have to stick to your guns on Thursday regardless.

Morning Glory
According to The Sun (with an agenda): Ozil 'barely touched the ball inside his own half'.

Acording to the Daily Mail (unusually without an agenda): 'The German was involved a lot more in the final third.'

The Daily Mirror columnist Brian Reade is 'at the heart of football'. Which is why he has written about the death of the Europa League just six days after comments from Mauricio Pochettino that form the springboard for the article, seven days before the next Europa League games and many, many years since anybody gave a flying love-make about Europe's secondary competition.

'At the little toe of football' might be a better tagline.

Liver Chops
Why you should never allow a Liverpool fan to write a Liverpool match report in a national newspaper...

Antony Kastranakis' opening paragraph in The Sun: 'THE LIVER BIRD must be renamed Steven.'

Bit of sick in the mouth, there.

Pointless Paragraph Of The Day
It's a close-run thing but this from The Sun is worthy of a coveted award: 'IF Spurs could play Toon every week they would stroll into the top four. Of course that will not happen but...'

They would also stroll into the top four if they could play Northampton every week. Of course that will not happen but...

Neil 4 Rene S.W.A.L.K
Rather appropriately for Valentine's week, the Daily Mirror's Neil McLeman is going all gooey over Rene Meulensteen, perfectly illustrating the danger of early deadlines for midweek games.

'Is Rene Meulensteen the new Roy Hodgson, except with a northern accent?' asks McLeman - a question we can almost guarantee has never been asked before.

'When the England boss took over at Craven Cottage in December 2007, he failed to win any of his first six matches and Hodgson's return to English football looked set to end in relegation. But he worked his magic with four wins in the final five games and last-day survival. Two years later they were in the Europa League final. Meulensteen has achieved his transformation in even quicker time.'

Is that the same Meulensteen who has won three of his 13 Premier League matches in charge and is currently in charge of a Fulham side rock-bottom in the Premier League? Is McLeman talking about the 'transformation' from 18th place to 20th?

But we save our true delight for this nugget on John Heitinga: 'Until last night the Dutch World Cup Final centre-back was unbeaten as a Fulham player. it is no coincidence.'

Number of Fulham games John Heitinga had played before last night: One.

It's no coincidence that Neil McLeman is better known as the Daily Mirror's golf correspondent.

We, The Accused
The Daily Mirror's Darren Lewis has learned nothing from the AVB/Neil Ashton debacle when the latter wilfuly misunderstood the then-Tottenham manager's use of the word 'we' when apportioning blame for Spurs' poor form. For Lewis has listened to Norwich defender Sebastien Bassong say "as a team we have to improve our finishing", put it on a spin cycle and come out with Bassong 'blasted his teammates for their failure in front of goal'. The headline? 'WASTERS...Skipper takes aim at misfiring strikers.'

It would be depressing if it wasn't so sodding predictable.

Headline Of The Day
'IT'S ALL GOING GRIM FOR GUNNERZzzzzzz' - The Daily Mirror.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Gerro's just wonder-Ful' - The Daily Star.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Louth man admitted having sex with his girlfriend's dog after a video of the act was found on a mobile phone. Wayne Bryson, 19, Harvey's Lane, admitted performing an act of sexual penetration with the Staffordshire bull terrier on January 17, contrary to the Sexual Offences Act. He also admitted to possessing 315 grammes of cannabis bush on January 22 when he appeared before Skegness Magistrates' Court.

'Nick Todd, prosecuting, said Bryson's girlfriend was looking for some photographs on an old phone of Bryson's when she saw the video of him having full intercourse with her dog. She took the phone to the police and Bryson was arrested. He was unable to give any reason to the police and claimed he had not done it before' - Grimsby Telegraph.

If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.

Football365 Facebook Fan Page

The Football365 fan page is a great place to meet like minded people, have football related discussions and make new friends.

Sky Bet

    • Retrieving latest Sky Bet odds

Most Commented

Readers' Comments


e was right to leave, but not just because of the money City were coming into. If I remember rightly he had a reasonable amount of chances to shine at City, but he never passed the bloody ball. Loads of aimless dribbles and 40 yard shots and not much else. I would say that if he had learnt to be a bit more of a team player he may have done better at City.

bright and edgy
Sturridge: Right to leave City


h! And.... has it gone in!?' Well John, it is quite literally your job to tell me, so stop phrasing it as a question.

Eye On The Experts: John Motson


an who resembles bond villain complains about spies ....brillliant

Palace deny spying accusation

Latest Photos

Footer 365

Premier League: Everton's strong mentality key for Roberto Martinez

Roberto Martinez believes Everton's strong mentality could be a crucial factor in the battle for fourth place.

Luton Town promoted to Football League after winning Conference Premier title

Luton Town have won promotion from the Conference Premier - ending a five-year absence from the Football League.

Premier League: West Ham boss Sam Allardyce frustrated to lose lead at Arsenal

West Ham boss Sam Allardyce admitted his frustration at his side's inability to hold their lead in the loss at Arsenal.

Mail Box

Worried Liverpool Will Become A Selling Club

Liverpool fans in the mailbox are not too worried about sour grapes from United supporters, but one admits he's scared the Reds could end up selling their best players...

United Should Have Gone For Bruce And Hughes

A mailbox asking why United did not go for two old boys over Moyes, what Wenger's targets were for the season and whether he's had a better season than Pellegrini..?

© 2014 British Sky Broadcasting Ltd. All Rights Reserved A Sky Sports Digital Media property