Successful manager Martin Keown has some wise words for Louis van Gaal. The Dutchman is comparing unfavourably to Brendan Rodgers on 'clarity of vision'...
Di Maria drops a 'bombshell' on his first day at United, and why Harry Redknapp isn't to blame for waving at Tottenham fans...
Houdini's Great Escape
'After the knocks, slights and sneers, gritty Harry deserves a last hurrah,' claims the headline on Oliver Holt's Daily Mirror column. Mediawatch isn't sure why Redknapp deserves his last hurrah more than Steve McClaren deserves a second shot in the Premier League with Derby, but hopefully we're about to find out.
'Harry Redknapp was not at a car plant outside Luton on Monday, talking about the England squad he was taking to Brazil,' Holt begins.
'There was a time when many thought that would be the way that one of our game's best-loved characters would crown his career. But events took a different turn.'
'Best-loved characters'? Oh dear, thanks for speaking for all of us (wrongly). As for those events 'taking a different turn', what actually happened is that the Football Association chose a different option whilst Redknapp was sacked by Spurs. He then took QPR down.
'There is a ruthlessness about Redknapp, certainly, that has helped him to survive at the top all these years. There is the ability that helps him build teams that play the kind of attacking, fluid football spectators love to watch.'
Anyone that describes QPR's side as 'attacking' and 'fluid' can't have watched much of their football this season. They scored fewer goals than all but one side in the top half of the Championship after spending considerably more money than any other club.
As for 'the top', not quite sure what the Trade Descriptions Act would say about such a term being labelled to all of Bournemouth, West Ham, Southampton, Portsmouth, Spurs and QPR. The FA Cup does remain his only major trophy as a manager.
'He is 67 now and the last few years, with a heart operation and a high profile court case, have not been easy. He walks with a limp, a legacy of a knee operation last summer that was not a great success. And the automatic promotion to the Premier League that so many predicted so confidently for his QPR team this season eluded him.
'Sometimes, he sounds weary in his press conferences. Sometimes, he gives the impression that he has had enough.'
Nope, sorry. No matter how hard we try we can't feel any sympathy. Good effort though, Ollie.
Life, Oh Life. Liiiife
If you can't guess who The Sun turned to when in need of someone to give Spurs a kicking, then you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Of course it was Harry Redknapp, their long-time columnist who still took his book serialisation to the Daily Mail.
You'll never guess this, but Harry is siding with Proper Football Man Tim Sherwood, who he bizarrely seems to laud as some sort of life mentor.
'Spurs have lost a good manager, someone who knows about football and about life,' Redknapp begins.
Erm...okay, that sounds odd.
'The young boys looked up to Tim. He could teach them about life as well as football.'
This 'life' thing is getting weird now, Harry.
'He isn't the sort of manager who sat behind a computer screen for hours on end. He was a footballer and he was out there coaching football and life skills. Just ask Andros Townsend, Danny Rose, Harry Kane and Tom Carroll.'
Life skills? We're imagining Sherwood teaching Nabil Bentaleb how to do his flies up without getting his pee-pee caught and shedding a tear as he finally rides his bike without stabilisers.
Writes David Anderson in the Daily Mirror: 'Lescott is departing City on good terms and he is proud to have made 24 appearances in the club's most successful season ever, including 10 in the Premier League, after being ignored by previous manager Roberto Mancini.'
Lescott's Premier League appearances in 2013/14: 10
Lescott's Premier League appearances in 2012/13: 26
As it usually does first thing in the morning, Mediawatch turned to the Daily Mail's 'football' site to see what wonders it has in store for us today.
With the managerial merry-go-round already underway and the World Cup just around the corner, you might think there is plenty of football news to cover. But, in true sidebar of shame fashion, the Mail have taken an alternative slant on the main stories.
''F*** France and f*** Deschamps!' Nasri's glamorous girlfriend in X-rated rant after Man City star is left out of World Cup squad' is the MailOnline's top story, narrowly pipping 'Andre Schurrle enjoys dinner date with girlfriend after finishing Chelsea season'.
Ohhhh, women. Lovely glamorous women, doing things and saying things.
If you were wondering where the Daily Mirror's 'virgin soldiers' have disappeared, it appears they might be working on the desks at the Daily Mail.
Nothing Compares To You
Harry Redknapp, September 2013: "For me, it's the best squad in the Premier League now. They've brought some outstanding players in and it's a real strong squad there now. It's amazing. The competition they have everywhere makes them so strong."
Harry Redknapp, May 2014: "The real culprits of Tottenham's failings last season are not Tim, Les Ferdinand and Chris Ramsey. It is whoever decided to spend or recommend spending £111million on a load of bang average players. There's only one outcome - Tim gets the elbow just a few months after taking on the job after Andre Villas-Boas was, no surprise, sacked."
Amazing how Redknapp's assessment of a squad changes from when the foe (Andre Villas-Boas) is in charge rather than the friend (Sherwood), isn't it?
On The Same Page
'WHO IS NEXT FOR SPURS?' shout the Daily Mail as they evaluate four candidates for the White Hart Lane vacancy.
Beneath Carlo Ancelotti (to Spurs!), they list the following 'reason for' his possible appointment: 'Premier League and FA Cup double winner with Chelsea...'
And yet, in the 'reason against' appointing Rafa Benitez: 'Has links to rivals Chelsea.'
Make up your mind, folks.
Run Before You Walk
With Crystal Palace's extraordinary resurgence this season seemingly achieved through pragmatism, financial sense and a commitment to hard work, Mediawatch rather thought that next season's promoted clubs had a simple blueprint to follow.
Certainly better than QPR's scattergun spend, spend, spend approach, anyway. But step forward Leicester owner Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha to blow such a theory out of the water.
"I am asking for three years, and we'll be there," Srivaddhanaprabha said.
"It will take a huge amount of money, possibly 10bn Thai Baht (£180m), to get there. That doesn't put us off. It's important we continue to improve everything about ourselves. So, we can challenge for the top five."
After losing Vincent Tan back to the Football League, it's great to see that the Premier League will not lose out too much on an owner with unrealistic and unthinkable aspirations.
Praise Of The Day
Said Leyton Orient boss Russell Slade of Dean Cox's contribution: "Little tiny Cox, he's done magnificent."
Non-Surprising Headline Of The Day
'Cristiano Ronaldo selected in provisional Portugal squad' - BBC Sport make us gasp in surprise.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Caroushell' - The Sun try and convince us this is an acceptable response to Spurs' managerial merry-go-round. It really, really isn't.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A trouserless man was arrested after allegedly dropping his pants in a waffle house and striking up conversation with customers about his penis.
'Ryan Smallwood was sitting in a booth when he started 'flipping the bird' at a customer, according to police in Rock Hill, California.
'The 26-year-old's trousers were dropped to his ankles when an officer arrived at the scene, but he still has his boxer shorts on, according to the Rock Hill Herald.
'Just minutes after receiving a caution, Smallwood starting talking about his private parts with two people sitting at the counter.
'He has been charged with public disorderly conduct' - The Metro.
Smallwood, he he he.
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