Malky Mackay's mates jump to his defence, and Harry Redknapp is the gift that keeps on giving...
Liverpool definitely don't want Mario Balotelli, and panic stations at Arsenal...
It took a while but 20 minutes and 20 seconds into Brazil v Croatia: "That's better!"
Pick A Horse, Any Horse
Robbie Savage picks his World Cup dark horse on the BBC website: 'I fancy Cameroon to get out of their group behind Brazil and, if they do make the last 16, they have got enough about them to give whoever they play out of Group B - either Spain, Netherlands or Chile by the looks of things - a scare.'
Robbie Savage picks his World Cup dark horse in the Daily Mirror: 'If I had to go for one nation to emerge from the pack this time, try this for size...Chile.'
Mr And Mrs
Silly Savage uses part of his column to explain how he contrived to turn up at the airport for his Brazilian flight with his wife's passport.
'In fairness, it's an easy mistake to mix me up with the missus,' says Savage, detailing the matching blonde hair, the gleaming teeth and the surname. 'Apart from the beard, it's not that easy to tell us apart...'
His solution? 'Either my beard will have to go or she will have to get a drastic haircut.'
Anybody out there spotting the rather obvious flaw in his theory?
How Clean Is Your Stadium?
'STADIUM OF FRIGHT!' is the headline in The Sun, who have picked up the 'this World Cup is a shambles' baton and run like the wind in the direction of Manaus, where 'ENGLAND'S dressing room for tomorrow's World Cup opener was given an 11th-hour intensive deep clean'.
Quite what's '11th hour' about a cleaning operation 48 hours before the event is unclear; they should try coming to Mediawatch's house seven minutes before Ma Mediawatch is due to arrive if they want to see an '11th-hour intensive deep clean'. With masks.
Are we supposed to be panicking at this point that the stadium dressing-rooms need cleaning? Is there a Brazilian bleach shortage? Will England players have to pick their way through crisp packets and rubble to get to their shirts? Will Roy Hodgson have to go round with one of those picky-uppy-things?
Let's fast-forward to paragragh nine: 'While the stadium cleaning operation should be completed by tomorrow...'
How Long Is Your Lunch?
The Daily Mail are equally worried by the mess in Manaus, with Matt Barlow and Neil Ashton recording: 'Two of the workers, who were supposed to be part of the clean-up operation, were lying down and playing with their iPads outside on the grass verge.'
THEY'RE TAKING LUNCH BREAKS? WHEN THERE'S CLEANING TO BE DONE? THE B**TARDS.
Lean On Me
Roy Hodgson is 'leaning towards' using Daniel Welbeck ahead of Raheem Sterling - something obvious to anybody who has taken even a passing interest in England throughout the reign of Roy Hodgson, who has picked the Manchester United man 20 times, including starts in England's last four World Cup qualifying games.
To us it's obvious; to Oliver Holt and the Daily Mirror it's an 'exclusive'. For only they know that Hodgson is 'leaning towards' picking the player he usually picks.
Frankie...Do You Remember Me?
In Thursday's World Cup pull-out in the Evening Standard, they wrote: 'For all his honours, one of Frank Lampard's biggest achievements has been to get FIFA to use goal-line technology.'
Lampard has won three Premier Leagues, four FA Cups, two League Cups, the Europa League, the Champions League, England Player of the Year twice, PFA Fans' Player of the Year and, lest we forget, hwe is also Chelsea's all-time leading goal scorer.
But yeah, he no doubt rates being involved in one of dozens of incidents that led to the introduction of goal-line technology as being on a par with everything else he's achieved in football.
There was no shortage of talking points from Thursday night's World Cup opener, so thankfully Jamie Redknapp is on hand with his 'BIG MATCH ANALYSIS' in the Daily Mail. He makes four excellent points - Neymar was good, the Brazil full-backs are weak, that free-kick spray stuff is nice and Julio Cesar was only sent to Toronto to ease QPR's wage bill.
Yes, that's right, Redknapp uses his rather short 'BIG MATCH ANALYSIS' of a thrilling World Cup match to defend his father's transfer dealings at QPR. Excellent stuff.
He'll Be Back
Arsene Wenger, January 2013: "I'm not convinced Fabregas won't come back here one day. He's an Arsenal man. He loves Arsenal. He watches every Arsenal game. Barcelona was his home town where he grew up and you have to accept this, especially as Barcelona are the best team in the world. He won't return in the next two or three years but, after that, maybe."
Commentary Of The Day
From Clive Tyldesley on ITV during the opening ceremony: "Carmen Miranda! The girl from Ipanema!"
Guilty Pleasure Headline Of The Day
'BOOTY FULL GAME' - The Sun on J-Lo's opening ceremony appearance.
Headline Of The Day
'Herrera: My Mex is on fire' - The Daily Mirror.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Jermaine is no Ger-moan' - The Sun on Jermaine Jones.
'MY CA-HELL OF A BLOW' - The Daily Star.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A grocer and some of its employees are accused of improperly re-packaging pizzle - another name for beef penis - and labeling it for human consumption. The Texas Attorney General's Office named an MT Supermarket store in North Lamar and some of its employees in a civil suit. The employees are accused of removing the pizzle from containers 'labeled inedible beef, not intended for use as human food and repackaged the pizzle in consumer size packages, then labeled the pizzle as human food'.
'Dried pizzle is a common treat for dogs, and in some cultures it is dried and ground to be used in soups and is considered an aphrodisiac. The suit could result in $5,000 in fines' - KRMG.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Mossy and Nik Roseveare. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.