Brendan Rodgers is the best thing since sliced bread, says Brendan Rodgers. We really are getting tired of his nonsense...
Steven Gerrard would never swap shirts - he's English! Phil Thompson must be confused right now, a woman takes a very long breath and Roy Hodgson on gay folk...
Time Is A (Faith) Healer #1
In news as surprising as Harry Redknapp bringing in ex-England manager Steve McClaren as a coach at QPR, Harry Redknapp has brought in ex-England manager Glenn Hoddle as a coach at QPR. And John Cross in the Daily Mirror is very pleased indeed.
'Glenn Hoddle will begin his football resurrection at Queens Park Rangers,' Cross begins. Well, he'll try. There is little guarantee of such a 'resurrection' - an interesting choice of word given Hoddle's past comments on Christianity and past lives.
'It is a giant step towards a return to management for Hoddle, rated by many as the outstanding coach of his generation...he then had spells at Southampton, Spurs and Wolves, leaving Molineux in 2008.'
Hoddle may well be the 'outstanding coach of his generation', but there must be a reason that he has been without a coaching job for eight years (he left Wolves in 2006 not 2008, as Cross' article states).
'There was a public demand during the World Cup for Hoddle to be given a job in football as England have such a shortage of top-quality coaches,' Cross concludes.
Was there really a 'public demand'? Or was it simply a case of a few journalists claiming that Hoddle was a 'top man' whilst the former England manager used his television appearances as an extended job interview, following a season in which he had touted himself for both the Tottenham and Swansea jobs?
Although no blame can be attributed to Cross individually, it was the tagline on his column on the Daily Mirror website that raised Mediawatch's eyebrows most: 'Former Three Lions boss out of the game for six years after controversial remarks about the disabled could soon be back in the big time, writes John Cross.'
Hoddle made those comments in 1999 - fully 15 years ago. He has not been 'out of the game for six [actually eight] years' simply because of those comments, but also because of a less-than-spectacular record (and by that we mean rotten at Spurs and Wolves) since leaving England and a reputation for dividing opinion amongst players.
The wool has truly been pulled over eyes, it seems.
Time Is A (Faith) Healer #2
Mediawatch both sighed and squealed when it read the teaser in today's Daily Mail for Neil Ashton's online Ash Wednesday column. 'Why the next manager of England has just arrived back in the Premier League - Glenn Hoddle.' If that's been confirmed then we're going for a long walk in the woods.
'[Rio] Ferdinand, who played in Hoddle's last game as England's head coach, believes he possesses one of the finest tactical minds in the game,' Ashton writes. 'That is a select grouping, one that includes some coaching greats such as Rinus Michel (sic), Miguel Munoz and Bob Paisley.'
Hoddle has been out of the game for eight years and now he's being compared to Paisley, Michels and Munoz? Mediawatch wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Hoddle was the second coming of Jesus Christ by Christmas, if you'll pardon the weak reference to his religious beliefs.
Hoddle was sacked by Spurs in 2003 after a dismal run and then left Wolves after spending two years failing to get them promoted back to the Premier League following relegation, winning 27 of his 76 matches in the second tier. He's not had a coaching job since. Can we all calm down a touch?
Crossing The Line
You could never accuse the Daily Mirror's John Cross of being a soft touch. No siree. On Wednesday morning he took to Twitter to offer his take on Alberto Moreno breaking down in tears when saying goodbye to Sevilla fans ahead of his move to Liverpool.
'Alberto Moreno crying at the thought of leaving Sevilla in Cardiff last night. No sympathy. If it means that much, footballers, don't leave.' Cross tweeted.
Because it really is that simple. Moreno was born in Seville and has been at Sevilla since the age of eight. He has been given an opportunity to expand his football horizons by joining a new club in a new country but, at the age of just 22, got emotional when the club's supporters gave him an incredible farewell send-off, and was consoled by his team-mates. The b*stard.
'Arsenal have sold their last five captains in nine years...so has Arsene Wenger forgotten the importance of the armband?' asks the Daily Mail website headline on a piece by Laura Williamson. No, seems the short answer.
'Another year, another Arsenal captain bidding farewell to north London,' Williamson begins. 'Thomas Vermaelen became the fifth current skipper to leave the club in the past nine years when he joined Barcelona, following Patrick Vieira, Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie's departures.
'Arsene Wenger's willingness to sell his skippers - assets that should, traditionally, be at the very heart of any football club - betrays the Frenchman's lack of sentimentality, but also the lack of regard in which the Arsenal manager holds the position.'
Woah there. Arsene Wenger didn't sell players such as Robin van Persie and Cesc Fabregas because he wanted to, did he? The complete opposite, in fact. He made them both captain because he believed it such an honour that it could ensure they stayed at Arsenal, but both gave in to the temptation of Manchester United and the Barcelona 'DNA' respectively.
Vieira and Henry led the side for a period of time with distinction and were the natural choice as the club's most senior and influential player. Wenger made the right choice with both. That would certainly not seem the behaviour of a manager with a 'lack of sentimentality or regard' for such a role.
Oh and damn right he was willing to sell Vermaelen for £15m.
In the BBC website's club-by-club guide to the Premier League, BBC Radio Humberside's David Burns discusses Hull City:
'Prediction: Mid-table. The FA Cup final saw them lose momentum in the league last season. As long as they cope with Europe, they will be fine.'
So they proved last season they can't cope with an extra competition, but as long as they cope with an extra competition (as they proved they can't last season) then they will be fine. That's cleared that up.
Fickle Me Pink
'On Tuesday, [Glenn] Hoddle accepted a bolt-from-the-blue offer to become Harry Redknapp's first team coach at QPR. If it works - and safety in the Barclays Premier League will be the measure of its success - then you can expect some momentum for Hoddle's return to the national team. Football really is that fickle' - Neil Ashton on the Daily Mail website. Yeah, bloody football. So fickle. Idiots.
'At the age of 56 there is time for Hoddle to make an impression and fulfil the ambition he once showed as a promising young coach. If it works out, it will only be a matter of time before he becomes an option for the national team' - Neil Ashton, later in the same column. So for 'football is fickle', read 'Neil Ashton is fickle'.
Ctrl + C, And Then Wait...
'1. Chelsea, 2. Man City, 3. Arsenal, 4. Liverpool. Bottom three: Burnley, Southampton & Aston Villa.,' were the words of Robbie Savage on the BBC website on Wednesday morning.
Mediawatch looks forward to October when Savage claims that Manchester City were his title pick, his December insistence that he always saw Arsenal as potential title winners and March, when he boasts that he never thought Southampton would be in serious trouble.
Easy Answer Of The Day
'Anyone Seen Sir Alex?' screams out the headline in The Sun as Louis van Gaal managed his first game at Old Trafford 'free from the spectre of Alex Ferguson'.
Yes, Mediawatch has. He was at the UEFA Super Cup in Cardiff, a requirement of his role on UEFA's technical committee. He even chose the man of the match award and was present at the post-match press conference. We're surprised The Sun missed it.
Slightly Uncomfortable Quote Of The Day
"His [Raheem Sterling] development has gone to a new level. He's way above the level from when he first came in both tactically and technically. And what has been beautiful to watch with Raheem has been his maturity. He's turning into a beautiful young man" - Brendan Rodgers does say some odd things. And for that we remain grateful.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Hi Dough Silva' - The Sun make us wince as we read.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'If you happened to have searched 'Skellow' in Google over the weekend, you may have noticed a slight cock-up.
'The small mining town near Doncaster became an overnight internet sensation for all the wrong reasons.
'A search of the village chucked up the usual map, blurb and photo - but the image was an x-rated one. It showed a man standing proud with a towel over his turgid member.
'The image has been removed and not replaced' - Metro
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Tom McCullagh . If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.