What Zlatan said

"One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch." Ibrahimovic's best quotes...

Last Updated: 02/12/13 at 14:03

Ronaldo 4 Zlatan 2: We'd still rather go to the pub with Ibrahimovic though

Ronaldo 4 Zlatan 2: We'd still rather go to the pub with Ibrahimovic though

"Arsene gave me the famous red and white jersey - the No 9 shirt with Ibrahimovic on it and I was so pleased I even posed for a picture wearing it. He never actually made me a serious offer, it was more, 'I want to see how good you are, what kind of player you are. Have a trial'. I couldn't believe it. I was like, 'No way, Zlatan doesn't do auditions.'" - When 'on trial' at Arsenal as a youngster at Malmo.

"Zlatan style." - When asked to describe his style of play.

"Jose Mourinho is a big star...He's cool. The first time he met [my wife] he whispered to her: 'Helena, you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy!' The guy says what he wants. I like him." - Two egos, one love.

"Mourinho is Guardiola's opposite. If Mourinho brightens up the room, Guardiola pulls down the curtains and I guessed that Guardiola now tried to measure himself with him." - Less enamored with Pep.

"You bought a Ferrari but you drive it like a Fiat." - On his time at Barcelona.

"I got the impression that Barcelona was a little like being back at Ajax, it was like being back at school. None of the lads acted like superstars, which was strange. Messi, Xavi, Iniesta, the whole gang - they were like schoolboys. The best footballers in the world stood there with their heads bowed, and I didn't understand any of it. It was ridiculous." - It was never going to work, was it?

"You haven't got any balls!' and worse than that I added, 'You're ******** yourself in front of Mourinho. You can go to hell!' I completely lost it, and you might have expected Guardiola to say a few words in response, but he's a spineless coward." - Guess that's cleared that one up.

"Well...I don't know... you'll have to ask your wife about that." - Zlatan's response to a journalist's question over scratches on his face.

You were born as the one you are. I mean destiny, yes there is destiny. Some things is made by destiny yes, other things by hard work, but quality you don't learn.
Zlatan does deep and meaningful

"Come over to my house baby, and bring your sister. I'll show you who's gay!" - A similarly subtle answer to a female reporter's enquiry over his sexuality.

"What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange." Zinged...!

"An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team." - Ibrahimovic on Ibrahimovic.

"Nothing. She already has Zlatan." - When asked what he buys his wife for her birthday.

"It was the fault of David Trezeguet, who made me do one drink of vodka after another. I slept in the bathtub. Now I hold my vodka much better." - On Juventus' title celebrations in 2005.

The king of the one-liners will be sorely missed in Brazil

"Messi's a natural, whereas Cristiano is a product of training." - Debate over.

"First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again and he went to buy a hot dog." - Stephane Henchoz asks for extra mustard.

"We are looking for an apartment, if we do not find anything, then we will just buy a hotel." - Zlatan doesn't need Kirstie and Phil.

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may well get slated by other United fans for this, but out of the three contenders, I'd far prefer Liverpool to win the title. Yes some elements of their fanbase can be a bit OTT, yes they're our biggest rivals and yes it will make our poor season feel even more like the end of an era (Fergie's gone, Liverpool are back on top). However I just have to applaud Brendan Rodgers and the way he's turned Liverpool around in just a couple of seasons. It...

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ooray! We are all excited now, we beat a very mediocre team! With all due respect to WHU supporters, not winning that game shouldn't even be a consideration. This is the problem, there is no winning mentality at the Emirates - we're all congratulating ourselves beating a team that we have a winning record against.

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