LET'S GO BUY A KUYT (and yes, we know it isn't actually pronounced 'kite')
There was one player in the Dutch national side that we thought was immune from being linked with Manchester United ...but step forward the Mail on Sunday and a fanciful report about Dirk Kuyt. According to the MoS: 'Van Gaal loves Kuyt's work ethic and he has been a low-key but high-end performer for Holland.' They also call him a 'warhorse'. This could be a stroke of genius or...
Elsewhere, Nigel de Jong is once again being linked with Manchester United as a cheaper alternative - one price mentioned is £9m - to Arturo Vidal and Paul Pogba (who is being linked with a £60m move to Chelsea elsewhere). And the Mail also says: 'Manchester United are expected to make a formal offer for Feyenoord centre-back Stefan de Vrij.' Just buy the whole sodding lot, Louis.
REAL WANT RAHEEM
'Real Madrid are preparing a raid on Liverpool for Raheem Sterling,' is the balls-out claim from the Sunday Mirror, who link any possible move with ongoing injury concerns about Ronaldo. The fee they mention is '£25million-plus', which could be just about anything between £25m and £475m.
We suspect that the only thing that will emerge from this summer for Sterling (painted as a revelation despite it amounting to about 45 decent minutes against Italy) is actually a new, £100,000-a-week contract, and he will owe Simon Mullock of the Sunday Mirror a beer for this helping hand.
WHO NEXT FOR ARSENAL?
'Arsenal have added French midfielder Clement Grenier to their list of summer targets,' say the Sunday Mirror, who lose some credibility by referring to him as a 'striker' elsewhere on the page. The 23-year-old is apparently valued at £7.5million by his club Olympique Lyon. You may remember that Grenier was initially bound for the World Cup before injury saw him replaced by Morgan Schneiderlin. Neatly, the Southampton midfielder is linked with Arsenal elsewhere (in the Sunday Express) today.
AND THE REST
Tottenham are targeting Loic Remy as they bid to pip Arsenal to the French striker...Chelsea's William Carvalho interest intensifies with Jose Mourinho ready to bid for £30m-rated midfielder...Everton are set to complete the permanent signing of Gareth Barry within 48 hours...Crystal Palace are set to bid for Cardiff striker Fraizer Campbell despite last season's 'Spygate' scandal...Southampton are set to complete the signing of Feyenoord striker Graziano Pelle on Monday...French club Monaco have agreed to begin negotiations with Real Madrid over the sale of £60m-rated Colombia striker Radamel Falcao.