The Page That Hopes Nobody Tells Him

Don't Treat Me This Way
Textbook stuff from The Daily Mail website on Tuesday afternoon.

Their headline announced: 'Don't treat me like Lloris, Spurs-bound Holtby warns AVB.'

And in the story, Holtby is quoted as saying, when asked if he was fearful of suffering the same rather marginalised fate as fellow German Marko Marin, the following:

"I am not Marko Marin, I am Lewis Harry Holtby. I know what I am capable of, and I am thinking very positively about what I can do for Tottenham."

That's it. Those are the only quotes from Holtby in the piece. No mention of Andre Villas Boas, no mention of Hugo Lloris, no mention of a warning.

And incidentally, if Holtby doesn't want to be treated like Tottenham's first-choice keeper who was eased in to English football, then he has some high standards.

Christ lads, we know you've got to get hits and that, but come on...


Hello Grumpster
Couple of notes on James Lawton, grumpster in chief at The Independent.

Firstly, after his piece on Tuesday in which he declared Leo Messi to be symbolic of all that is wonderful about football as opposed to Luis Suarez, who is all that is dreadful because of his handball goal against Mansfield, we were reminded of this incident.

Actually, we don't recommend that anyone tells James about that, because if he discovers that the paragon of virtue Messi is actually a dirty cheat too...lord knows what will happen.

And secondly, he notes in today's paper that: 'When Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, who once plundered so brilliantly the best of his native France, recently signed a clutch of English-born players, including Jack Wilshere and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain...'

Wilshere has been at Arsenal since he was nine.


Question
The Daily Mail website asks this morning, in a story about Jose Mourinho watching Manchester United ahead of the Champions League clash between them and Real Madrid: 'Special One jets in to scout United (is it because he plays them in Europe or wants to replace Fergie this summer?)'

It's because he plays them in Europe.

No need to thank us.


Have A Read
Rangers under Charles Green, who expressed such outrage when the authorities had the temerity to punish the club for their financial ills, was always going to be interesting.

And so it has proved, culminating in a 'statement' released on their official website on Tuesday evening in response to the proposed restructuring of the Scottish league.

We suggest you read it all here, because it's quite a thing.

However, if you're pressed for time, a summary is they're not happy, something that could probably be summed up by the following passage:

'This belief won't sit well with the few who are more or less running the SPL and influencing thinking within that desperate organisation but they can't complain. After all, they've dismissed Rangers' views completely.

'This club, the biggest one in the country, were not invited to take part in talks which will shape the game's future.'


First
'Arsenal will make a £26million offer to keep Theo Walcott. Chief executive Ivan Gazidis is ready to speak with the England star's representatives - possibly in the next 48 hours - to end the contract deadlock' - The Sun.

'Arsenal's tortuous negotiations with Theo Walcott over a new contract finally appear to be edging towards a favourable conclusion with the Premier League club expected to make an improved offer that will effectively be worth £25m in a bid to retain the England forward's services' - The Guardian.

'Theo Walcott will be presented with a stunning £25m five year contract offer by Arsenal this week. Gunners boss Arsene Wenger has finally decided to make an improved offer worth £90,000-a-week plus a signing-on fee when formal talks resume in the next 24 hours' - The Daily Mirror.

'Theo Walcott is expected to be presented with an improved contract offer by Arsenal when talks over the forward's future resume imminently' - The Daily Telegraph.

'Arsenal will this week make an improved offer of £25million to Theo Walcott in a bid to resolve his contract saga' - EXCLUSIVE! in The Daily Mail.


Villa For Sale
'Tottenham are the latest club to show interest in Barcelona striker David Villa. The 31-year-old has been the subject of enquiries from Arsenal also but Barca will not loan him out and will only sell for around £16m...Barcelona told the Reds that they will not entertain the idea of letting the Spain international go out on loan and will only consider a bumper transfer offer to sell in this window' - The Daily Mail, January 2.

"I completely rule out the transfer of Villa during the winter market. He is ours and we need him, there is a lot of the season left" - Barcelona president Sandro Rosell, January 9.


Quote Of The Day
"He would maybe say that he played with me" - Michael Laudrup responds to being asked 'You played with Pep Guardiola at Barcelona...'

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Brad glee big wins' - A stinker from The Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Zoo staff say that a tightrope walking gorilla's attempts to impress the ladies appear to have paid off. Kidogo has been accepted as a mate by both of the females in his enclosure since his high wire display at Germany's Krefeld Zoo. One keeper said: "They can't seem to get enough of his company - his high wire jinks really do the trick." Zoo spokeswoman Petra Schwinn added: "It's too early to see if the pairing will result in offspring immediately but we are optimistic, a pregnancy takes almost nine months in gorillas, similar to humans, but we will know more in a few months." And keepers believe they may have discovered the inspiration for the gorilla's high wire stunts - humans.

'Ms Schwinn said: "We have observed he really seems to prefer walking upright like a human, we think he might be copying the visitors. And because he wants to show whose boss he's showing that he can do it better than we can - by walking on a high wire. He really is a unique animal." When he first arrived the big ape's keepers were concerned that 12-year-old Kidogo appeared homesick following a move from Denmark's Givskud Zoo at the end of March. He was brought in after the zoo's previous male gorilla Massa was found to be too old and had become infertile, but they now believe he was just looking at the best way to show himself off to females Muna, 23 and Oya, 24. The tightrope had been intended for him to hang from but keepers were amazed when he climbed up and began walking on it instead' - Orange.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Tom Barneby and Joshua Graham. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.