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The Page That Took Six Words

It's a slow day at The Sun, and why 36 inches makes a big difference to Mark Lawrenson...

Last Updated: 13/01/13 at 13:10

Slooooow
You know today is a pretty slow news day by looking at The Sun.

Their front page lead is a story about a spurned lover who shaved his ex-girlfriend's shihtzu. That is, alas, not a euphemism.

And on their back page is: 'RAFA'S BLOWN HIS CHANCE - EXCLUSIVE! Swans defeat signals end of reign.'

A quick look at the story reveals nothing of the kind, and the scoop is apparently that Benitez won't be sacked before the end of the season, but he does now accept that he will not have the job for any longer than that.

And apparently losing to Swansea in the first leg of the Capital One Cup semi-final was the tipping point, it says here. So not being knocked out of a cup that Roman Abramovich probably uses to keep his toothbrush in was the moment Rafa realised he won't be Chelsea manager next season? And that's the story?

Still, 'Man wakes up to something approaching reality', probably isn't quite as good a headline.


Tactics
Writes Harry Redknapp in The Sun:

'The oddest thing of it all will be that this will be the first time that I'll be trying to STOP Gareth Bale doing all the things I used to encourage him to do.'

Indeed. How does one effectively combat the instruction 'Just fakkin' run abaht a bit'?


12 Inches
Writes Mark Lawrenson in his predictions column for The BBC Website:

'It is another London derby following QPR's win over their neighbours Chelsea in their last Premier League game, and Loftus Road is a tight pitch too, which might negate the impact of Spurs widemen Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon and work in QPR's favour.'

Width of the Loftus Road pitch: 72 yards.

Width of the White Hart Lane pitch: 73 yards.

That extra 36 inches clearly makes quite a difference.


He's Italian
Elsewhere in Lawro's column, it looks like he's trying to make a point.

'Manchester City have always been cautious when they have gone to the Emirates Stadium under Roberto Mancini - it has been a case of him saying: "I'm an Italian manager, I'm not going to get beaten..."

'If United lose or draw, then perhaps Mancini will go for it - although we have to remember that he is Italian!'

He's Italian, you see! And in this situation, by 'Italian' Lawro means 'negative, cautious, defensive, whatever, I don't care, Gary.'

Point of note - only Manchester United have scored more than City's 41 goals in 21 games this season, while last season they scored 93 goals - the most in the Premier League.

But...but...he's...Italian! Negative...cautious...defensive...Italian!


Wobbly
In today's media, one defeat is a blip and two defeats are a major problem and three defeats...well, go and tell the king that the sky is falling in.

But then you win a few games, and everything is just dandy again.

The Daily Mail reports today, about Andre Villas-Boas at Tottenham: 'After a wobbly start, it has gone well.'

Quite so. Except 'wobbly' is not really the way they were reporting goings on at the lane at the time, was it?

According to the paper he held CRISIS talks with his defence ("We've had a meeting with him (Villas-Boas) because we've been conceding late goals" - William Gallas) in December, while they predicted an 'injury CRISIS' before the game against Arsenal (three of the four players in this 'injury CRISIS') ended up playing), while their report on the defeat to Wigan concentrated on the boos turning into a 'cacophony of jeers' from a few misguided malcontents.

Wobbly indeed.


Aw Daaaaaad
"I hope to stay here for a long time. I am enjoying this moment and everything that surrounds football in this city, such as the fans, who give us an extra boost" - Edinson Cavani, January 11.

"Madrid would be the ideal club for Cavani. Since he was a boy he has always had eyes for Real" - Luis Cavani, Edinson's dad, January 10.

(Anyone else find it weird that the old man apparently refers to his son as 'Cavani'?)


Fact Of The Day
QPR are reportedly interested in SV Zulte Waregem Habib Habibou.

Roughly translated, 'habib' means 'love' or 'my dear.'

This means Habib Habibou is called 'Mr Lover Lover.'

You're welcome.


Tweet Of The Day
'The best thing Ryan Shawcross could do on Saturday is take out that piece of sh*t in the first five minutes. #onlyaninjurytotorrescansaveus' - SHOUTsport's Andy Jacobs spreads the love.

Clarification Of The Day
"Football is a watered-down version of the army and in the army they make you do things you don't want and you have to obey orders...If you go into war and two soldiers do their own thing, they get the rest killed. Obviously we are not in the army..." - Dean Saunders clears that one up for us.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'This swan won't costa packet' - The Sun go to town with a story about a Spaniard possibly moving to Swansea.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Authorities say a Florida Panhandle man has been arrested after he tried to rob a convenience store with a cattle prod but was thwarted by a clerk with a gun. The Leon County Sheriff's Office says 26-year-old Lance Tomberlin went into a store just outside Tallahassee on January 2, produced the cattle prod and demanded money from the clerk. Officials say he shocked the clerk several times before the clerk pulled a handgun.

'Authorities say Tomberlin fled and another employee tried to restrain him, but he eventually escaped in his truck. Deputies stopped Tomberlin's truck but he fled on foot. The sheriff's office says Tomberlin was arrested Tuesday and charged with armed robbery and aggravated battery. Jail records didn't say if Tomberlin had an attorney. He was being held without bail' - Huffington Post.


Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Nathan Jay. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at theeeditor@football365.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.

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