Harry Redknapp And The Mystery Of Peter Odemwingie
If there's one thing Mediawatch likes, it's a good mystery - Poirot, Quincy, Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple, even Jonathan Creek. The intrigue! The outlandish theories! The little grey cells! The alarming amount of violent crime that seems to follow one person around!
Harry Redknapp uncovered a humdinger of a mystery on Monday when discussing Peter Odemwingie's prospective transfer to QPR.
"It's a bit of a difficult situation for West Brom," he said, picking up a cigarette butt from the floor and gently sniffing it to see if that provided a clue. "It's not worked out in an ideal way. The whole situation has become a bit too public really hasn't it? I am sure West Brom are not to happy with the way it's gone.
"We made an enquiry. The enquiry leaked out and obviously the player decided he wanted to come to London and that's how it has worked out."
What a pickle. Quite the poser. This one would test even the best of television's investigate minds.
But what's that? A footprint in the flowerbed outside the window? We think we've got the great 'How Did The QPR Enquiry For Peter Odemwingie Leak Out?' mystery solved.
Said Harry on January 12: "We made an enquiry for Odemwingie. I don't know whether [chief executive] Phillip Beard has put an offer in but he was a player we spoke about and he was a player I was interested in. There is every chance we have made an offer but I haven't spoken to him (Beard) today."
Another case solved.
Arsene Wenger & The Gooner January Rollercoaster Of Emotions
"I will be active, yes. Will I be concrete? I hope so. We are looking everywhere, we are open-minded. We want to strengthen the squad if possible if we find the right players" - Arsene Wenger, January 2.
"We are on the market and if we find the right players, we will do something" - Arsene Wenger, January 8.
"We now have Rosicky and Diaby available again. If you look at our squad, it's quite complete but we still work in the transfer market as well. We do not want to bring in average players. We only want to bring in an exceptional player. At the moment we have not found him. You are always under pressure to buy in England and every problem has to be sorted out by buying people" - Arsene Wenger, January 11.
"We try very hard, believe me. We have a team around me who analyse everything. We select targets, I watch them, but it is difficult to speak about any names" - Arsene Wenger, January 14.
"My plan is to keep all of the players we have and then to add maybe, if possible, two new players to the squad. We will spend big (again) because we had restricted finances because we had built the stadium and had to pay that back" - Arsene Wenger, January 14.
"We have some improvements to make and we know exactly where. In January it is difficult to find the players that are really better and can give something special to the squad" - Arsene Wenger, January 15.
"All the players who can strengthen us are cup-tied in the Champions League" - Arsene Wenger, January 17.
"I will not give you any names. We are working very hard" - Arsene Wenger, January 22.
"What I worry about is getting the players who have been injured back fit, to get the players who play for this club to perform at full potential...If we perform...We have two players in every position, that should be enough, plus the young players in behind" - Arsene Wenger, January 25.
"We are still trying, but it's hard to sign players in January who can improve you...We have enough numbers, quality strikers" - Arsene Wenger, January 29.
Sometimes, the newspapers are not entirely honest with us.
Just take a second to process that one. The truth may be hard to take. We're sorry if this has shattered your brain and destroyed your faith in everything good and pure. But we are a beacon of truth and you need to know these things.
The back page of The Daily Mirror today features a picture of the Manchester City squad arriving at Stockport train station, and underneath a headline asks 'Where's Mario?'
The intro to the subsequent story says: 'Manchester City players arrive at Stockport station to take the train to London for tonight's game against QPR - with no sign of Mario Balotelli.'
Now, given the talk of his departure from Manchester, it's fair to say that the average person would therefore assume that Balotelli won't be playing in that game. He's not on the train, City are talking to a couple of clubs - The Mirror have almost certainly got something here.
However, buried on page 60 and in the seventh paragraph of the story, David Anderson writes:
'He has recovered from his illness and travelled down with City yesterday afternoon to London ahead of tonight's game against QPR at Loftus Road, when he is expected to be on the bench.'
Lies, damned lies, statistics and the tabloid press.
Pseud Of The Day
Writes Henry Winter in The Daily Telegraph:
'Mimicking the weary desk sergeant at Midsomer nick, the weekend duty officer at the Premier League must have counted the victims in one by one.
'The first casualty was reported shortly before 10pm on Friday in south London and on it went, a cavalcade of carnage, until 6pm on Sunday just off the M60. FA Cup fourth-round weekend witnessed a bloodbath of the blue-blooded.'
If You'd Forgotten...
So Everton are set to sign Leroy Fer. Regular readers of this column might remember Mr Fer featuring here before. If not, allow us to remind you.
From The Metro on December 4:
'FC Twente midfielder Leroy Fer has become a laughing stock among his team-mates after buying his girlfriend a pet horse - only to find out she can't keep it as she lives in a block of flats...
'The 22-year-old visited the auction with his girlfriend and other Dutch celebrities, and opened his cheque book after Fer's lady friend took a liking to famous stallion by the name of Django.
'Fer splashed out just over £22,000 on the horse, and in a bid to impress, kept the whole thing a secret before announcing it to her expecting a positive reaction.
'However, while his girlfriend was extremely flattered, she had to point out that she lives in a block of flats, and has no way of keeping or looking after poor Django.'
Flying Backheeled Goal Of The Day
Well, this is just showing off.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'There was no fire in Dembele' - The Daily Mirror.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A woman is being sued by her husband for allegedly trying to kill him by putting poison in her genitals and then asking him to perform oral sex. The Brazilian wife is accused of planting a toxic substance on her genitals before luring her husband to bed. Reports in the South American country suggest he was ready and willing, and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell. The curious husband then took his wife to hospital in Sao Jose do Rito Preto to find out the cause of the unusual odour. The alleged attempt on his life was exposed when tests on his wife discovered traces of a poisonous substance down below' - The Daily Mirror.
'A Zimbabwean man was recently robbed of his dreadlocks at a night club in Johannesburg in order to feed a growing demand for human hair extensions, a report said on Tuesday. The Times said Mutsa Madonko had his long locks that he has grown for 10 years, cut off while partying at a Johannesburg club. His friends found him passed out - with his head shaven. "When we found him, he still had his cellphone and wallet with all his money inside," his friend Jasper Munsinwa told The Times. Natural dreadlocks are sold as hair extensions for anything between R200 and R2500 depending on the length, said The Times' - News24.com.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Fergal Grogan, Joshua Graham and Duncan Armstrong. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.