Excuse Mediawatch from repeating ourselves (when has that ever, etc and so on), but while we watched Arsenal get quite thoroughly humped by Bayern on Tuesday, we wondered (out loud, to ourselves, causing the people in the pub to slowly edge away) when the stories would appear in the newspapers.
"Probably not tomorrow," we thought, as the barman stopped pouring a pint and started glancing nervously at the bouncers.
"Maybe Thursday, when there won't be as much news to report and it will therefore get the most attention."
And lo! It is so. Both The Daily Mail and The Daily Mirror carry reports this morning of a 'war chest' being given to Arsene Wenger to spend in the summer.
The Mail claims: 'The Arsenal boss has targeted Fiorentina striker Stevan Jovetic, Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina, Borussia Dortmund attacker Mario Gotze and midfielders Victor Wanyama of Celtic and Toulouse's Etienne Capoue.'
And The Mirror claims: 'Arsenal want a new goalkeeper, midfielder and striker with Liverpool's Pepe Reina, midfielders Etienne Capoue and Victor Wanyama of Toulouse and Celtic respectively and Fiorentina forward Stevan Jovetic all on their hit-list.'
"What curiously similar lists," we mused, as the landlord gently nudged us with his foot and wondered why we were still in the pub, under the pool table, with a pork scratching stuck to our face at 10am on Thursday.
"It's almost as if both papers have been given the same information at a time when morale is low among the Arsenal support, and they're perhaps less willing to spend money on season tickets, in particular the swanky 'club level' tickets (the ones in the middle tier that cost about a bajillion pounds), around 500 of which seemed to be empty on Tuesday evening."
We're sure it's just a coincidence, mind.
From Russia With Bullsh*t
Red-hot bullsh*t from The Daily Mail website now, who go nuts about a picture tweeted by Atletico Madrid's on-loan keeper Thibaut Courtois of him and Radamel Falcao.
'From Russia with love: Courtois tweets happy snap of Chelsea target Falcao in Moscow (but will it be next stop London for the Colombia goal machine?)' blerts their headline.
Scribe Charlie Skillen goes on to speculate whether 'the on-loan Chelsea stopper (is) using the opportunity of being in Blues owner Roman Abramovich's homeland to sound out the striker about a move to Stamford Bridge'?
Quick answer to that one - no. No he isn't. He's probably just sight-seeing as Atletico are in Moscow for their Europa League game against Rubin Kazan.
And oddly the following Falcao quotes are, at the time of writing, missing from the Mail site: "I have a contract with Atletico for three more years, therefore, that's the best option.
"As a group we have the clear goal of qualifying for the Champions League. If we maintain the same level that we have showed, we will achieve our objectives.
"We are not thinking about either [Real] Madrid or Barcelona, we are focusing on what we can give and on our objectives."
An absolutely heroic lack of self-awareness from Charles Sale in The Daily Mail now, who huffs that Roy Hodgson is always 'man-marked' by the FA media team when he meets with the English press, but:
'However, no one from Wembley accompanied Hodgson to an interview with Italy's Gazzetta dello Sport, who are far more likely to 'spin' his words than their English counterparts.'
Oh really? When Mediawatch stopped laughing and becalmed our aching sides, it took us roughly 0.125444 seconds to do a quick search of The Mail's site to come up with the following story, from Tuesday of this week.
'That's harsh, Roy! England boss writes off United's chances of beating Real (and he doesn't fancy Arsenal either...)' reads the headline.
And here's what Uncle Roy actually said, about the Champions League (in quotes taken from the Gazzetta interview Sale mentions, as it happens): "My favourites are Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern. Juventus is working well, too."
Now, call us nit-pickers, pedants and sticklers, but saying that Hodgson 'writes off' United and Arsenal because he thinks some other teams have a better chance of winning the tournament definitely qualifies as 'spin'.
But yeah, those Italians are the problem.
Aldershot sacked Dean Holdsworth on Wednesday. Not the most earth-shattering news, we'll grant you, especially since they are just two points outside the League Two relegation zone.
However, we did rather enjoy their reason for getting rid of their man, sacked after beating Torquay 1-0 on Tuesday:
"Taking into account our current league position and games in hand of those teams around us, the board felt the time was right to maximise the positive momentum of Tuesday's result in order to give the best possible chance of retaining our League status."
Hang on - 'maximise the positive momentum of Tuesday's result'? Brendan...?
Bad To Worse
Gooners everywhere have already had a thoroughly horrible week, but just one more boot was delivered to their collective gonads last night.
For Andre Santos scored for Gremio. Andre Santos. Scored.
It never rains, etc.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Lamps a non-Sparta' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A 24-year-old Oak Creek man was arrested for a weapons violation after he accidentally shot his girlfriend in the buttocks on Valentine's Day. According to the Oak Creek police report: The man called police about 5:45 p.m. to report he had accidentally shot his 21-year-old girlfriend in the buttocks with a 9-millimeter handgun. Dispatchers helped the man tend his girlfriend's wounds until police and paramedics arrived. The woman was taken to the hospital. The report did not state the severity of her injuries but police confirmed they were not life-threatening. After the man was questioned at the police station he was arrested on a state charge of endangering safety by use of a dangerous weapon. He has not yet been charged' - OakCreekNow.com.
'Last weekend, 27-year-old Nicholas Gonzales got drunk in Louisville, Kentucky. Then, as drunk people tend to do, he made a stupid decision and allegedly broke into a nearby firehouse, smashing one of the building's windows. When firefighters went to investigate the sound of broken glass, they found Gonzales in the midst of an act that they probably weren't expecting: he was reportedly masturbating onto their gear, which he'd removed from their lockers.
'The firefighters detained Gonzales, which I'm sure was an interesting ordeal, until police arrived and arrested him. But why was Gonzales allegedly masturbating onto the firefighter's gear, according to the police report? "Because I wanted to." Fair enough. Gonzales was charged with burglary, public intoxication and criminal mischief' - Gawker.com.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Patrick O'Brien, Nate Hyle and Mikey Burrows. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.