Said Roberto Mancini at the weekend:
"Until now, United have been really lucky with everything.
"They have won a lot of games in the last minute."
Well quite. Teams that win things with really late goals are quite clearly just lu...hang on a second.
Pass The Gin
Mediawatch is, quite obviously, as cynical as the next watch. We are, to channel the lovely Shirley Manson, often only happy when it rains. Reading newspapers for a living can do that to a person. Tell Mickey Mouse he has to pore over The Daily Mail every day and that cheery facade will slip, he'll end up taking solace in Spar own-brand gin and eventually turn his 9mm on Minnie.
However, not even us with our cold, black heart could possibly see how a negative spin could be put on the Capital One Cup final.
Bradford win? Brilliant! A fourth division side wins a trophy! How amazing is that? What an achievement! Swansea win? Brilliant! Some tangible reward for a ten-year plan, from the brink of non-league to Wembley! What an achievement!
So after the latter came to pass, and Swansea took apart their inferior opposition with some terrific and ruthless football, everyone would surely be swept up in admiration for their win and love for Michael Laudrup, right?
'CAPITAL SWAN STROP' reads the back-page headline of The Sun.
'Nathan Dyer last night defended the astonishing tantrum which threatened to take the gloss off Swansea's Capital One Cup glory.'
Money Well Spent
October 2011: The Times and Sunday Times announce 150 posts will go as a cost-cutting measure.
January 2012: The Daily Telegraph announces around 30 redundancies as a cost-cutting measure.
February 2012: The Daily Mirror announces 75 redundancies (about 19% of their editorial staff) as a cost-cutting measure.
March 2012: The Daily Express and The Daily Star announce around 70 jobs will be lost in cost-cutting measures.
October 2012: The Guardian announces 30 staff have taken compulsory redundancy in cost-cutting measures.
January 2013: A further 50 staff volunteer for redundancy at The Guardian and The Observer.
February 2013: Every national newspaper (apart from The Daily Express, as far as we can work out) sends a correspondent to Paris to witness David Beckham sitting on a bench for 75 minutes.
Still, at least that money was well spent. Oliver Holt wrote in The Daily Mirror:
'The snow swirled around the Parc des Princes, blown into flurries by the biting wind.
'The smell of fireworks lingered in the night air, the accompaniment to Le Classique, the biggest game of the French season.
'The cacophony of boos and cheers and yells and whistles was deafening.
'The fans of Paris Saint-Germain and Marseille gloried in their loathing for each other.
'The challenges flew in fast and often recklessly. The pace was unrelenting. Joey Barton was patrolling the Marseille midfield.
'No occasion for an old man, perhaps, but the perfect stage for David Beckham to make his debut.'
Someone's been hanging out with Henry Winter too much.
Arsene Wenger's press conferences have started to get a bit more interesting since he RANTED in that MELTDOWN last week. Or got a bit tetchy at some journalists for more or less the first time in 17 years. Your call on that one.
Anyway, in his press briefing on Friday, he was asked about the ever-touchy subject of money, and the spending thereof.
He said: "I'm not reluctant to do so. First of all, we only had money recently. Secondly, in England there is a way of thinking that every problem is sorted out just by spending money but that's not always the case. If it was like that, the same teams would win the Champions League every year.
"There are two or three clubs in Europe who are richer than everybody else and do not play in the Champions League. I believe that the problem today is not the money, it's to find the talent that strengthens your team."
And yet, later on in the same press conference, Wenger was asked about Bayern Munich, and he said:
"Bayern is in the position where Manchester United is in England. They can afford to do what they want. They are the strongest financial club. You send Chelsea and Man City to Germany and we will speak about Bayern again. You have to compare what is comparable.
"They do what they want in their country and they can spend the money when they want as they are the only financial dominating club. They have no competition financially in Germany."
So, spending money isn't the answer but Bayern are the strongest team in Germany because they spend the most money. Right?
Many people think Brendan Rodgers is football's answer to David Brent, but Dean Saunders is making as strong a play for that title as his Wolves side is in going for a spectacular double relegation.
After his 'eye of the tiger' slice of nonsense from last week (click here for the full version of that one), comments over the weekend were quite something.
"I have got self-belief," he said before Wolves played Cardiff. "If you said to me 'Do you want to open the batting for England. They are playing down the road', I'd say 'Go on then, give me a bat'.
"Then I'd get to the bottom step and see the fast bowler marking his run-up and realise I can't do that. But my first reaction is 'I will give it a go'."
And after the game, he noted: "They didn't have a chance against us in the first half and they are top of the league and have scored loads of goals."
The score at half-time? 1-0 to Cardiff.
Reports Peter Layton in The Daily Mirror:
'Norwich's new secret weapon Kei Kamara is getting ready to ruin Sir Alex Ferguson's day again...while the former refugee will be a mystery man to most managers, the Manchester United boss already knows all about him.'
And why did Kamara 'ruin' Fergie's day before? Why, by scoring a goal in a pre-season friendly. Three years ago.
The Call Of Nature
You'll remember the hilarity a few weeks ago when Jason Puncheon left the pitch to, erm, visit the smallest room.
Well, at the weekend in Ghana, in the big one between Amidaus Professionals and Real Tamale United, the game had to be stopped when Eric Antwi Ofori, the Amidaus goalkeeper, had to leave the pitch to 'attend to nature's call'.
The Ghana News Agency reports: 'The match was barely 30 minutes old when the incident occurred, forcing referee Prince Tawiah to stop proceedings with spectators kept in suspense as to what was happening.
'The GNA Sports gathered that goalkeeper Ofori in the course of the match suffered from a stomach upset and as a result had no option to attend nature's call.
'It took about four minutes for the keeper to return into action amidst laughter and cheers from the enthusiastic crowd.'
Presumably that enthusiasm then turned into an extraordinarily witty chant to the tune of 'Sloop John B'.
Show-Boater Of The Day
Get a load of this show-off.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Laud and proud' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Police in San Diego believe two burglars who stole a jukebox from a Hooters restaurant thought it was a cash machine. The dopy duo tried to back a pick-up truck through the glass door and into the restaurant, according to NBCSanDiego.com. When they discovered the door opening wasn't big enough for the truck, they towed the jukebox outside and then lifted it into the truck and drove away.
'The suspects, believed to be two males in their late teens or 20s, got away with the jukebox, but police say it may not have been their intended haul. Police Lt Andra Brown told KGTV-TV that they may have confused the jukebox with an ATM machine. Steve Price a regular at the restaurant, said: "Maybe with all the drinks and all the 'hooters' going around, their brains were just not thinking straight" - Orange.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Kameel Gopal. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.