SUAREZ, HENRY, SMOKING ETC
You'll have read this John W. Henry stuff.
What? You haven't? Click here then, fool.
MONACO IN FOR NANI
This is a story that seems to pop up every couple of weeks, but it is our solemn duty to report it to you every time.
The Times reports that Monaco have 'made a fresh move for Nani', then helpfully point out to us that he's a Manchester United winger.
To be honest, this story is one line in the paper's 'long shots' section of their transfer rumours, but it helps pass the time before the merciful release of the infinite makes the noises stop.
SPURS MUST PAY UP FOR SOLDADO
It seems Spurs must stump up the relevant cash if they want Roberto Soldado, which according to Andre Villas-Boas, they do.
The Daily Express quotes Valencia grande manchego Amadeo Salvo as saying:
"Soldado can go if he wants - for €30m (£26m) and under our conditions.
"Valencia never had any intention of selling Soldado. If he goes then it is because the €30m (£26m) figure has been met, not a cent less or a cent more.
"The buying club will also have to accept Valencia's conditions of payment also."
MORE ROONEY STUFF
Ah, balls. Here he is again.
The Daily Mail reports that Wayne Rooney 'will consider' a move to Arsenal if his 'dream to work with Jose Mourinho at Chelsea' doesn't happen.
The paper reckons that Chelsea is the big man's first choice, but Arsenal would be an adequate second choice if that move falls through.
The Mail claims: 'Arsenal first put the feelers out for Rooney, who will be 28 this year, when he was controversially named as a substitute for United's Champions League tie second leg at home to Real Madrid in March.
'Incredibly, Arsenal have indicated that his mind- blowing salary demands can be met. Rooney earns £240,000 a week and has two years left on his contract, but Arsenal will break their pay structure and offer him five years on £200,000 a week. Chelsea remain the frontrunners after an official bid of £23million, plus £2.5m in additional clauses, was made last week.
'After his hamstring injury, Rooney is training at United's Carrington training base, hoping the two clubs can reach an agreement. His wife Coleen is happy to relocate to London with their children for the benefit of his career.'
A WEEK FOR FELLAINI
Meanwhile, The Sun reports that time could well be running out if Manchester United want to sign Marouane Fellaini.
The paper claims David Moyes 'has a week to decide' if he wants to move for the big Belgian, as a clause in his contract states he can leave for £22million - but only before July 31.
The Sun reports: 'Moyes has been knocked back once by Everton this summer after making a £12m bid for left-back Leighton Baines.
'Now he is concentrating on getting midfield ace Cesc Fabregas from Barcelona.
'That is looking a forlorn hope with two bids being turned down - including a club-record £31m offer.
'United are now considering one more bid of £35m.'
AND THE REST...
Nathan Dyer is ready to pen a new deal at Swansea after a proposed switch to Everton collapsed...West Brom are on the trail of Sunderland midfielder Craig Gardner...Newcastle are in the clear to sign Darren Bent after Fulham withdrew from the race over his wages...West Brom boss Steve Clarke wants four new signings - and Salomon Kalou is top of the list...Fulham are considering a surprise move for Napoli's Walter Gargano...Matej Vydra is a target for Premier League rivals Southampton and Norwich...Crystal Palace and Everton are competing for Austrian striker Philipp Hosiner...Yannick Sagbo is set to complete his £1.6million switch from Evian to Hull today...QPR will move for Charlie Austin if their swoop for Gary Hooper falls through...Wigan have been told time is running out to sign Bristol City winger Albert Adomah...Nottingham Forest have made a £1.5million bid for QPR striker Jamie Mackie...Crystal Palace's hopes of landing Carlton Cole are hanging in the balance...Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina hopes to complete his loan move to Napoli this week...Fulham could sign Junior Malanda from Zulte Waregem at the second attempt...Manchester United striker Angelo Henriquez is considering a loan move to Real Zaragoza...Roma hope to finalise a £7million deal for Arsenal striker Gervinho this week.