Summary: Nobody Has A Clue
'Daniel Levy is giving Gareth Bale the silent treatment over Real Madrid's world-record bid to sign him. The Spurs chairman is refusing "point-blank" to hold any further talks with Bale on the issue after ruling the Welshman will not be sold this summer regardless of whatever Real may offer' - The Daily Mirror.
'Gareth Bale's fate took a dramatic twist on Sunday night when Spurs chairman Daniel Levy cut short his holiday and flew to London for crunch talks with the £85million-rated winger' - The Daily Mail.
'Daniel Levy has refused to have talks with Gareth Bale about a supposed gentleman's agreement that could allow the Welshman to fulfil his desire to move to Real Madrid' - The Times.
Reports our old friend Antony Kastrinakis, the self-appointed European football correspondent of The Sun: 'I can reveal for the first time since Perez first became president and started signing Galacticos back in 2000, that he actually baulked at a transfer fee. When quoted £100m for Bale a few weeks back by Spurs chairman Daniel Levy, he hesitated.'
Said Florentino Perez on May 28: "Neymar would have cost the club €150 million. We had the chance to sign him three years ago, but there were lots of conditions now."
This Is My Moment
Said Martin Tyler as Jermain Defoe, at that time having scored twice, closed in on goal for Spurs v South China:
"Defoe...IS THIS THE MOMENT?"
Indeed. And in the third-place playoff in the Asia Cup, what a moment it would've been.
Mediawatch is vaguely aware of the concept of 'other sport', but even we're aware that there are other athletic endeavours other than football. And many of them are happening now.
Still, despite this 'other sport', The Daily Mail still manages to fill their pages with a large pile of spurious bullguff about the most beautiful of games.
For a start, they give two pages over to a general assessment of the big clubs' pre-season activity, as if any of the assorted friendlies and pre-season tours to various interesting places mean a single thing.
Furthermore, they seem absolutely fascinated with the faces of both Luis Suarez and Gareth Bale on said tours. They pointedly note that:
'The PFA Player the Year stopped to sign autographs as he boarded the team bus for the airport, but TV images appeared to show him looking miserable.'
Well, that seals it then. Tear down the banners, dry your eyes Spurs fans - he looked a little grumpy while about to board a bus, so he's on his bike.
Furthermore, they devote a whole piece headlined 'SULLEN SUAREZ IS LIVERPOOL'S ODD MAN OUT' to the Uruguayan nibbler, in which they refer to the him as 'dejected', 'lonely' and referring to his 'mood darkening' after missing a chance. Because of course Suarez almost never looks like a small, sulking child.
Proper football starts again on Friday. On this evidence, it's going to be a long five days.
Logic With MO
Michael Owen has once again shown the sort of punditorial chops that we've got to look forward to this season.
Commenting on why Luis Suarez would be silly to join Arsenal, he notes: "Truthfully, can you really see Arsenal winning the Champions League next season or going into the later stages? Unless they buy a good few players then I can't."
Isn't that what they're doing by...you know...trying to buy Suarez?
Mediawatch was amused by Joe Kinnear's comments about the Newcastle squad:
"We have some talented young players at Newcastle and if there was one benefit from the Europa League, it was that Alan was able to give valuable first-team experience to those players.
"Like Moussa Sissoko, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Hatem Ben Arfa and Yohan Cabaye. All excellent. And we have Sammy Ameobi, Shola's brother."
Not only has he learned all the players' names now, he even knows which Amoebi brother is which.
This, Geordies, is progress.
Joan Laporta said something last week that tickled Mediawatch.
About his former colleague and current Barcelona president, Laporta said: "(Sandro) Rosell has an inferiority complex and an immature attitude."
If we were Rosell, we wouldn't be taking lectures on immaturity from a man who was forced to apologise back in 2008 for removing his trousers in a fit of pique at Barcelona airport.
"The only thing I did was to try to solve the situation when the metal detector wouldn't stop beeping," Laporta said.
"What I want to clarify is that I never lost my nerves, nor insulted anyone. If any Barcelona fans have been offended by this incident I apologise."
Whither, Adrian Durham
Mediawatch notes that Germany keeper Nadine Angerer saved two penalties in the Women's European Championship final on Sunday. The saves kept up Germany and Angerer's record of conceding only a single goal throughout the tournament.
And all this despite having a woman in goal.
If only Rob Green had been in nets - they would 'almost' have kept all those clean sheets.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Real need their own big Neym' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The (Other) Day
'The size of a man's penis - whether it's big, small or 'normal' continues to be a topic that grabs our attention. So it's fascinating that a man with a small penis is perfectly happy to proclaim that yes, he's exceptionally shortchanged in the downstairs area and yes, he's alright with it. Nick Gilronan, a 27-year-old UPS Store worker, who won Brooklyn's smallest penis contest told the Gothamist website that: "The size of a man's penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship."
'Hear, hear. The fact is, chaps, is that Nick is right - penis size is not the most important thing to a woman. Tracey Cox, sex expert has long since been an advocate of that. She said to HuffPost UK Lifestyle: "If you are worried about penis size, you should know that most women learn very quickly, that if a guy has a big penis he's not going to be much good at sex because he thinks that's enough, and he doesn't need to try." According to the New York Post, a crowd of about 100 watched New York City native Gilronan match members with five other contestants, including a 55-year-old from Minnesota who called himself "Rip van Dinkle." - The Huffington Post. Reassurance, chaps. Empty, empty reassurance.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters Tim Stannard and Mark Robinson. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at email@example.com, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.