Spot The Difference
Mediawatch is aware that we have declared a 'new low' for the Daily Mail website on at least 427 separate occasions already this summer but we're relatively confident that this particular 'new low' will never be beaten...
'The two Ronnies! Here's why Real are so keen to snap up Bale...These pictures show Welsh wizard turning into the new Ronaldo.'
If you're now thinking 'wait a minute, don't tell me they've just found some pictures of both players in various vaguely similar poses and are passing this off as a story', you're already well ahead of the game here. Though even the most cynical amongst you probably didn't envisage this being the top 'story' on the football section of the Daily Mail website on Friday morning.
'If the below pictures are anything to go by, then it would seem Bale has taken on the mantle of being a mini-Ronaldo right down to the last detail - a white wristband...,' is the teasing intro above pictures of Bale and Ronaldo both wearing, yes, a white wristband. On different wrists, yes, but BOTH WHITE. And BOTH ON THEIR WRISTS.
But the similarities don't end there. Oh no.
It turns out the 'pair hit the ball with a similar technique, using the inside of their foot to generate power and swerve', which is of course not a technique used by any other footballer who has ever taken a free-kick. Those amongst us who do not model our games on Bale or Ronaldo tend to use our heels.
'Ronaldo and Bale even celebrate in a similar fashion, with arms stretched out wide,' they say under a picture of both players celebrating with arms stretched out wide, which is of course the celebration that Bale has recently patented.
To sum up the rest of the uncanny photos, both players run, both players sometimes stand with hands on hips, both players were once young, both players have had haircuts, both have sat on the floor holding their ankles at least once, both drink water and both sometimes lift their hands in the air. Different hands for different reasons, yes, but still hands.
They're basically the same person.
Last Month's News Today
Daily Mail online headline, July 5: 'Fergie hip op to keep him away from Moyes' opening games at United.'
Daily Mail online headline, August 2: 'Ferguson's hip op means former boss set to miss start of Moyes' reign at Old Trafford.'
'WAYNE ROONEY is ready to walk away from Manchester United - if the fans turn against him' - back page of The Sun.
That's not really how football transfers work, fellas. If he walks away, he kind of owes them about £250,000 a week.
What A Difference A Day Makes
Harry Redknapp on Loic Remy, Thursday: "I don't think he will go on loan. I can't see any sense in it. I don't know why we'd pay £8million and then loan him out. If he was to go, someone will have to pay for him. He has a buy-out clause and we want our money back."
Harry Redknapp on Loic Remy, Friday: "If somebody wants to loan him they are entitled to pay £2million for him."
Scouting For Goals
After spending £3m on striker Charlie Austin, Harry Redknapp has revealed his extensive research: "We watched video clips of all his goals last year and he was amazing."
The Daily Star exclusive, July 11: 'MANCHESTER CITY have made a late move to hijack Manchester United's attempt to sign Cristiano Ronaldo.'
The Daily Star, July 13: 'CRISTIANO RONALDO will NOT be coming back to the Premier League with Manchester United or Manchester City.'
The Daily Star exclusive, August 2: 'MANCHESTER UNITED are locked in advanced talks to clinch the stunning return of Cristiano Ronaldo to Old Trafford.'
Plea Of The Day
Our old friend Antony Kastrinakis writes in The Sun: 'NEW Tottenham buy Roberto Soldado last night pleaded 'Don't let Gareth Bale go.''
Actual quotes from the clearly desperate Soldado: "Bale is a great player and of course I want him to stay."
On that basis, there's a good chance that Mediawatch has pleaded with the man in Sainsbury's for soup today.
Mediawatch was as confused as any Watch can be when it read Brendan Rodgers' quotes on Thursday about the 'profile' of the players he wants to bring in to Liverpool. What profile? He's so far brought in a decent Premier League keeper, an experienced/over-the-hill centre-half and a couple of Spaniards, one of which should be ready for the first team. There doesn't seem to be a unifying factor. And then came reports of a big-money bid for bruising Atletico Madrid striker Diego Costa and we slipped further into confusion.
What could it possibly be about the 'profile' of serial s***house Diego Costa that appeals to Liverpool?
A propos of nothing, here's a tweet from Sevilla midfielder Geoffrey Kondogbia after he was sent off for a rather nasty stamp on Mr Costa: 'In short Mr Costa, next time keep the monkey noises to yourself. The first red of my entire life playing football and I get four matches :( ?'
Cause And Effect
We suspect that Anton Ferdinand still hasn't forgiven John Terry for saying the words "f***ing black c***" in his general direction, but it turns out that he's harbouring anger towards the wrong man. He should instead be aiming his ire at Bolton chairman Phil Gartside. Why? Let Neil Warnock explain in his new book 'The Gaffer'...
'It was then that it occurred to me how seemingly unconnected incidents can have lasting, unforeseen ramifications. If Tottenham and Bolton had been able to agree a fee for Gary Cahill in August, Harry Redknapp would have let me loan Sebastien Bassong. Then I would not have bought Anton, he would not have played against Terry in that match, and England would have gone to Euro 2012 with Fabio Capello still in charge.'
Promotion Of The Week
Mediawatch would like to tip its hat (a straw boater) to somebody at the official Everton website for their Full Kit Winner giveaway.
We particularly liked these two sentences: 'You could walk through Liverpool City centre and be a full kit winner. Head to the bookies and be a full kit winner. You could take your kids to the park and be a full kit winner. The Beatles Museum, John Lennon Airport, the ferry across the Mersey - all places where full kits wouldn't normally be worn and could make you a full kit winner!'
They've even got a hashtag: #fullkitwinners.
We think they know what they're doing. We hope we're not giving them too much credit.
Headline Of The Day
'THE BONY EXPRESS!' - The Daily Mirror.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'BOO ROO AND HE'LL BE BLUE' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story of The Day
'Two teen Floridian lovebirds are accused of breaking into a high school in Daytona Beach, Fla. to have sex, WFTV reported.
'It's unclear whether Vincent Ewell, 18, and Lindsay Longbottom, 19 actually engaged in any hands-on biology lessons inside the high school, but cops say they found the pair driving away from the high school after the break-in at around 3 a.m. Wednesday, WESH reported.
'While inside the building, Ewell and Longbottom allegedly vandalized vending machines to satisfy what they described to cops as "beer munchies," according to WKMG.
'Officers say Longbottom told them they broke into the high school because they needed a place to have sex where her boyfriend wouldn't find out.
'They are both charged with burglary. Ewell is also charged with criminal mischief' - Huffington Post. Clearly we included this story just because of the words 'criminal mischief'.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotter Philip Holland. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.