THE DEALS ARSENAL DIDN'T DO
The morning after the end of the transfer window, and you'd think we wouldn't have any gossip for you.
Well don't fret, because while this column is usually full of stuff that probably won't happen, today it's stuff that definitely didn't happen.
According to The Daily Star, Arsenal tried to get Wayne Rooney. Sure they did.
They also claim Arsene Wenger made a last-ditch move to sign Christian Benteke and PSG midfielder Javier Pastore.
They ALSO report that a late attempt to revive the Yohan Cabaye deal was scuppered by Newcastle telling the Frenchman to stay exactly where he is, thank you.
A move for Demba Ba failed, meaning Wenger pulled the plug on Nicky Bendtner's proposed loan move to Crystal Palace.
UNITED TRIED FOR KHEIDiRA
The biggest shambles of the day was surely at Manchester United, but we'll deal with the Ander Herrera hilarity elsewhere.
The Independent reports that United were knocked back in their attempt to sign another midfielder, this time Sami Kheidira.
Apparently Real Madrid knocked back a £35million offer from United for the German, citing 'reports in Spain.'
United also tried to sign Real left-back Fabio Coentrao on loan, but left it too late and the deal didn't go through in time.
TORRES SWAP TURNED DOWN
Quick one from The Daily Mirror.
They report a rumour doing the rounds on Monday that Chelsea rejected a swap bid involving Fernando Torres and Emmanuel Adebayor.
Lolzies, as the kids might say.
Despite that extensive book of contacts, it seems Joe Kinnear didn't manage to sign anyone at Newcastle.
Perhaps even more worrying that than, there seems to be little suggestion in any of the papers that they even significantly tried to sign anyone on Monday.
It seems we have a new method of confirming transfer news.
The Metro reports that Fernando, Porto's Brazilian midfielder that Everton were trying to sign, ruled out leaving his current club on Instagram.
Apparently: 'The midfielder wrote: 'Todos os Portistas podem contar comigo rumo ao tetra! #somosporto,' which roughly translates to 'all Porto fans can rely on me for the title.'
What a world, eh?