Said Ryan Giggs as he defended David Moyes' poor start at Manchester United: "It hasn't been a great start to the season, but the good thing about that is we have plenty of time to turn it around."
Five years and nine months, to be precise.
Opening line in Daily Mail story about Wilf Zaha: 'Wilfried Zaha is set to leave Manchester United on loan in the January transfer window as he looks to get first team experience in the Premier League.'
Headline on Daily Mail online: 'Moyes to send Zaha packing in January as Premier League rivals line up to take £15m man on loan.'
Them's the dangers of an over-exuberant sub-editor.
No Smoke Without Fire
Although Mediawatch understands Arsene Wenger's concerns over Jack Wilshere being photographed smoking a cigarette, it really doesn't enjoy the tedious outrage over such incidents. Wilshere is not the first footballer to enjoy a ciggy - or whatever they are called these days - and while it may be a ghastly habit, it isn't illegal. He's a grown man and he can make his own decisions.
Not only is he a grown man, but he's also a parent, as The Sun helpfully remind us with their 'expose' of a man smoking a cigarette. 'Proud...star with daughter' is the caption on a picture of this nicotine-fuelled monster cradling his young child. One can only hope the social services have been called.
"If he's struggling for fitness he shouldn't be hanging around outside nightclubs," a source/free-advice s**thouse told The Sun.
It's all depressingly dull and even more so when a story about Chris Hughton being racially abused on Facebook is tucked at the side of the Wilshere report seemingly as an after-thought or a space-saving filler.
Mediawatch expected that the most ridiculous reaction to Wilshere's heinous act would be seen on Twitter - typically a hotbed for overreaction, animosity and, above all, indecent amounts of sexual frustration. The 'footballers these days' crowd have certainly been enjoying themselves, but even they have been outdone by Wilshere's representative.
"Jack absolutely didn't smoke the cigarette, and nor does he condone smoking," said the anonymous spokesperson.
"Jack is utterly committed to fitness and a healthy lifestyle. In no way is this picture an accurate reflection of his attitude towards smoking."
It's a laughable excuse when Wilshere can be seen quite clearly puffing away on said cigarette, and also embarrassing that a 21-year-old man can't just admit to making a 'mistake' and move on.
Wilshere smoked a f**king cigarette. That's it. It's not like he's addicted to the hippy crack.
Among The Sun's six - SIX - stories on Joe Hart's England future, Mediawatch particularly enjoyed reading the views of Juventus goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon.
"I think it is time now for England to give Forster a chance," said Buffon.
"He made some big saves against Barcelona.
"If the England coach is picking his team on form then Fraser is his only option."
Is Buffon a big Celtic fan? Is he always tuning in to watch the Hoops? Big fan of the Bhoys, is he? Then he'll know that the in-form Forster hasn't kept a clean sheet since August and has conceded weak goals such as this and this since the start of the season.
Same Rules Apply
Writes Robbie Savage in the Daily Mirror: 'If England make it to the World Cup finals in Brazil, Hodgson must use international friendlies between now and then to give Forster a chance.
'For me, England's No. 1 shirt is up for grabs now - and, on current form, the Celtic keeper must have a real chance of claiming it.'
HE MADE SOME GOOD SAVES AGAINST BARCELONA. HOW MUCH HAVE YOU SEEN HIM PLAY? STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT.
Headline in the Daily Mail: 'Joe Fighting For His Place At City'
'England manager Roy Hodgson does not have many options in Hart's position but City do and it will be interesting to see if Manuel Pellegrini removes him from duty at home to Everton tomorrow and picks Costel Pantilimon instead,' writes Ian Ladyman.
The very next paragraph: 'At City, nobody is in any doubt of Hart's ability. On arrival in the summer, Pellegrini was asked if the club needed to reinforce this position and replied with a defintive 'No'.'
So is Pellegrini going to drop Hart merely because it will be interesting?
"It's great Ross has evolved with England and playing for them can only be a good thing," said Roberto Martinez.
"But if we're now saying the nation's World Cup hopes are on his shoulders, then we are all stupid."
How long have you worked in English football, Roberto?
Laboured Intro Of The Day
'For a moment it looked like there was a big story brewing about Joe Hart's status as England No 1,' writes Shaun Custis in The Sun.
'Out came the printed sheet with the England squad on it and, right at the top, was the name Fraser Forster of Celtic.
'Further inspection, however, revealed that the keepers had simply been listed in alphabetical order, as had the defence, midfield and strikers.'
Alphabet ruins lead story. Bloody hell that was tedious.
Worst Intro Of The Year
'Forget the Europa League, Spurs' campaign on the Continent is fast becoming the JERopa League' - Paul Jiggins in The Sun.
'So much for spending all their time making cuckoo-clocks! There was nothing neutral about Swiss side St Gallen last night as they proved with a series of challenges that left the Swans bloodied but unbowed' - what is it about the Europa League that makes reporters for The Sun so giddy?
Quote Of The Day
"If he (Rooney) did join (PSG), he would have to get used to the fact that Zlatan scores even better goals than him" - Guess who.
Worst Headlines Of The Day
'Jeropa League' - The Sun.
'Yanntasy Football For Ollie' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A TV news station was flooded with complaints during an afternoon broadcast after showing male genitals behind the show's anchor.
'Ceskatelevize - one of the Czech Republic's main broadcasters - started its 4pm broadcast with presenter Daniel Takac apparently unaware of the blunder.
'But newsroom journalists can be seen laughing in the background before the phallus is replaced by a picture of a green vegetable.
'A spokesman for the channel said: 'The image was actually part of a documentary, but we should have been aware of timing and not had that particular scene playing when we went on air. It was a silly mistake.''' - The Daily Mail.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters...none of you. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org, putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.