Headline on the Daily Mail online: 'Ref justice! Official Mike Jones is demoted after wrongly ruling out Fer's unsporting 'goal''
Paragraph four: 'A spokesman for the PGMOL, the body which governs match officials, insisted the pair (Jones and Michael Oliver) had not been dropped over the high-profile incidents and that the appointments were simply a matter of rotating referees.'
Well, nobody would click on 'Referees rotated as usual'.
Something tells us Adrian Durham doesn't really like Andre Villas-Boas. That 'something' is the gallons of hot bullsh*t he pours onto the pages of The Daily Mail every time the Spurs manager is mentioned.
Durham begins his criticism of Villas-Boas, for his criticism of Spurs fans in their win over Hull on Sunday, by recounting the tale of a 'mother of a colleague' who attended the game despite problems with trains, saying she 'had to endure a long, slow painful bus replacement service there and back.'
'Imagine how she felt when she heard the interview Andre Villas-Boas gave after the unconvincing win over Hull City,' writes Durham, tuning up the world's smallest violin as he does.
If Villas-Boas has to check on the public transport situation in London to make sure everyone got there in the advertised time before expressing an opinion about anything, then he's not likely to be saying a great deal.
He goes on: 'They pay a lot of money to go to games and my experience of Spurs fans is that they are actually over-supportive of their players and managers.'
Call us old traditionalists and nit-pickers, but we suspect Villas-Boas has more 'experience' of Spurs fans than Durham, and we're slightly more inclined to trust the opinion of the man who was actually at White Hart Lane, rather than the chap who stayed at home fighting the life-size AVB doll he keeps in the corner of his bedroom with a set of nun chucks. We're speculating about that one, but we're sticking with it.
And more: 'It smacked of a man who didn't realise that when players walk into a dressing room and blame the fans they are in reality trying to deflect from their own uselessness. Worse still, it smacked of a man taking the fans' support for granted.'
Hang on, Spurs did win that game, didn't they? And they are fourth in the table at the moment, right? Sure, there are causes for concern and areas to improve and so forth, but 'uselessness' can either be filed under 'a bit strong' or 'hyperbolic guffsh*te of the most infuriating order'.
Actually, best pop it in the former file for Durham - the latter is too full.
After John Cross nabbed an EXCLUSIVE interview with Emmanuel Petit for the Daily Mirror, courtesy of 'Capital One - the credit card company and sponsors of the League Cup', he must have been rather disappointed by the former Arsenal midfielder's pearls of wisdom.
Particular gems on Arsenal include: "Eight years without a trophy is a long time", "The Capital One Cup is a trophy" and "Mesut Ozil has been a fantastic signing for them."
'Joe Hart is battling to keep his place for club a country after a series of high-profile blunders,' writes Neil Ashton in the Daily Mail.
Ooh, this is interesting. Please go on, Neil. You have Mediawatch's meagre attention.
'The Manchester City keeper is set to be replaced by Costel Pantilimon for the Capital One Cup tie against Newcastle on Wednesday.
'And he will also come under pressure for his country next month with head coach Roy Hodgson set to blood Fraser Forster against Chile.'
Is that it? And to think Mediawatch stopped eating its bacon sandwich to continue reading.
As Ashton later points out, Pantilimon started City's last League Cup fixture against Wigan and so it was always expected that he would return between the sticks for the Newcastle clash. Even Ian Wright acknowledges that in The Sun: 'We all expect the giant Romanian to get the nod for that one.'
Meanwhile, it's hardly surprising/interesting that Roy Hodgson is set to hand Fraser Forster his first cap in a meaningless friendly against Chile in two weeks' time.
Mediawatch believes it is owed a warm crispy bacon sandwich. With extra bacon.
'The last-minute weekend defeat by Chelsea isn't the only sporting setback Manchester City manager Manuel Pellegrini has suffered recently,' chin-strokes Charles Sale in his 'Sports Agenda' column for the Daily Mail.
'Keen golfer Pellegrini, who is said to check out local golf courses as one of his first moves on changing clubs, wants to join the exclusive nine-hole Hale club close to where he's planning to set up home outside Manchester.
'And the Chilean, who has enjoyed rounds as a guest at Hale, was expecting to receive membership straight away due to his high position in football, especially as the joining fee of £1,245 and annual subscription of £925 is hardly an issue.'
'But Pellegrini was told that he would have to join the waiting list, just as everybody else, before being considered for membership.'
Christ. Is this really what sports reporting has come to? 'Man is made to wait for golf membership'.
Whatever next? 'Giroud's basket too full for 'five items or less' queue'? 'Bryan Ruiz swaps large sweater for a smaller size'? 'Russell Martin not allowed to exchange pair of cords at Burton's menswear after 28-day returns policy expires'?
But wait, Sale's scooping goes even deeper...
'A City spokeswoman said Pellegrini wanted to show his wife Carmen, who also plays golf, the Hale set-up before committing to joining.'
That's right, folks, he actually rang Manchester City to follow up the story. Crikey.
Headline on the Daily Mail online: 'REVEALED: The 23-man shortlist to be crowned the world's No 1...with more players from Bayern Munich than the Premier League (but can anyone actually beat Messi to the Ballon d'Or award?)'
Wow. That's some top digging. It must have taken all of 30 seconds to read the UEFA press release and REVEAL the contents to the world.
It's a slow week in the papers, what with no autobiographies to hog the back pages, and so The Sun lead with a spectacular non-story on Tuesday.
'ARSENAL RACE ROW' farts the paper's headline, on an 'EXCLUSIVE' pinched entirely from Twitter.
'Arsenal star...' - let's pause to digest that for a moment - 'Emmanuel Frimpong has sparked an amazing race storm at the Emirates,' writes Pat Sheehan in an article he must have hoped wouldn't make the back page.
'The Ghana midfielder, 21, was asked on Twitter why he was not in tonight's squad for the Capital One Cup clash with Chelsea. He replied: 'LOL I wanna laugh"
'He then tweeted: "Sometimes I wish I was white and English #realtalk." The tweets stunned many of his 683,000 followers and he then quickly deleted them before claiming: "Not every tweet is football related."'
Not only are The Sun continuing to play fast and loose with the idea of a 'race storm' - thus blurring the lines for when there is actually something worthy to report - but they also make the dick move of comparing Frimpong to Wilshere - as if the former might actually have a point with his bizarre tweets on Monday.
Sheehan continues: 'Frimpong, who also holds a British passport, has been at Arsenal since he was nine - just like Jack Wilshere - but his career has been hit by knee injuries.'
Top stuff all round, we're sure you'd agree.
Tenuous Link Of The Day
Writes Neil Custis in The Sun on Sir Alex Ferguson giving a talk at The Lowry: 'No polite applause for this show, there were cheers, a chant and laughter from the 1,730 capacity audience.
'I am guessing tonight's production of Fiddler On The Roof will take on a different tone.
'Of course, Ferguson stopped singing 'If I Were A Rich Man' some time ago. But it is the trophies - not the pennies - that he preferred to count up.'
Excuse Mediawatch while it vomits. That's two bacon sandwiches we're owed.
Quote Of The Day
"He (Leroy Fer) has been made fully aware of how things are done in England" - Chris Hughton.
Mediawatch now expects Fer to miss his next drugs test, allegedly sleep with the partner of one of his teammates, hand in a transfer request, withdraw said request when his wages are doubled and, worst of all, download Phil Collins' greatest hits.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Bele Bother' - The Sun.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Britney Spears is being used as a secret weapon... to scare off Somali pirates.
'Her hits are blasted out to deter kidnap attacks, merchant navy officer Rachel Owens revealed.
'Spears's chart-toppers Oops! I Did It Again and Baby One More Time have proved to be the most effective at keeping the bandits at bay.
'Second Officer Owens, who works on supertankers off the east coast of Africa, said: 'Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most.' - The Metro
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