Apples And Oranges
'GLEN JOHNSON EXCLUSIVE: I lost respect for Mourinho after he broke a promise...that's why Rodgers is a better boss' farts the MailOnline's headline.
Brendan Rodgers is a better manager than Jose Mourinho? This had better be good, Glen.
"It was difficult for me under Jose at Chelsea because there was a moment when he said I deserved to play on merit," said Johnson.
"He said if I played well in the next game I would play the week after. I got man of the match so he couldn't drop me.
"Then in the next game he said the same thing and I got man of the match again. Then we had another game and after that Barcelona. I remember speaking to my agent and saying, "He won't play me in this game because if I play well then he has to play me against Barcelona", and I knew that wasn't going to happen.
"He didn't play me in that game and from that moment I just lost it and thought, "Well, how am I meant to respect you now? It's just finished".
"Brendan wouldn't do that. He's shown that if you're good enough you're old enough and you'll play in the big games if you deserve to. So in terms of man-management, Brendan is definitely better."
Hmmm. Definitely better? We'll see about that when Brendan has to lead Liverpool against Barcelona in a Champions League knock-out match.
Monarch Of The Glen
Johnson continues: "Some managers like the thought of playing the way Brendan does but haven't got the confidence or knowhow to pull it off. Others would probably have panicked and changed their philosophy just to try and win. But Brendan was mentally strong enough and knew what he was trying to implement was right and that once we grabbed hold of it we would be a success."
Two things, Glen:
1) Rodgers has changed his system enormously this season, to the point that it has been one of the most outstanding features of the title race.
2) "Just to try and win"? Did Mediawatch miss something, or isn't that what every team should be trying to do?
'ROY CALLS IN THE SHRINK!' - the Daily Mail.
'HEADS WE WIN' - the Daily Mirror.
'WORLD CUP CHIMPIONS. Roy's new mind guru will get monkey off our backs' - The Sun.
What is this witchcraft? Psychology? In sport? Burn them at the stake!
On A Wing And A Prayer
Martin Samuel takes an incredibly simplistic view towards England's World Cup squad in the Daily Mail, which basically boils down to arguing that Roy Hodgson should take 'all of our flying wingers' because they are more likely to score than Danny Welbeck or Andy Carroll.
Samuel begins making his case by reminding everyone that Chelsea defenders Cesar Azpilicueta and Branislav Ivanovic are both rather versatile. What this has to do with the price of fish, Mediawatch isn't really sure, but we disregarded our better judgement and continued reading.
'Right now, who would you trust to take a chance in the last minute against Italy: Raheem Sterling or Andy Carroll, Adam Lallana or Danny Welbeck?' asks Samuel.
Considering that England are likely to have Wayne Rooney and Daniel Sturridge on the pitch, we'll choose one of them thank you very much.
And besides, comparing Welbeck in this manner ignores the forward's impressive record of eight goals in 20 caps. But this a theme that Samuel continues with, despite all of the five wingers in the squad scoring fewer Premier League goals this season than Welbeck, who also happens to spend most of his time on the flank.
Samuel also argues that 'it is an English trait that we think in these straight lines' of players having only one position, forgetting that the majority of the current squad have been deployed in more than one role by their clubs this season.
'Look at the rebirth of Philipp Lahm at Bayern Munich under Pep Guardiola; that shows what can be achieved with imagination.'
Let Mediawatch stop you there, Martin. If you're looking for a way to deride English football in comparison to the continent, you might want to think of more than just a single example that's as obvious as piss in snow. Or could it be that you haven't really thought through this half-baked idea?
The Fear Of Not Knowing
Writes Oliver Holt in the Daily Mirror: 'I still think Manchester United should give David Moyes until at least Christmas to show he is making progress in the rebuilding of Manchester United.
'More and more people seem to be convinced that he is the wrong man for the job but if they sack him later this month, or at the end of the season, the truth is that they will never know.'
Oh no, how could they live with the uncertainty? It's not as though the very nature of deciding to sack Moyes would quite clearly rule that he wasn't the right man for the job.
Mediawatch had almost forgotten about Nicola Cortese and Southampton's shattered dreams (courtesy of the Daily Mail on January 16) until it read Neil Ashton's column in the Daily Mail this morning.
'There was a time during Luke Shaw's development at Southampton when he was taken to one side by the club's executive chairman Nicola Cortese,' writes Ashton.
"Stop putting ketchup on everything, stop drinking cans of Coke and do well at school," was Cortese's advice to one of the most promising young talents in English football.
'That was two years ago, when Shaw was making his way into the first team after graduating from Jason Dodd's highly acclaimed academy at Southampton's Marchwood training centre. He has learned fast.'
Yes, that word of advice from Cortese is definitely the reason for Shaw's England call-up.
You know, Neil, he might just say 'yes' if you ask him out for a drink.
'Roy Hodgson may have CLEVERLEY but Gareth Southgate has the CLEVEREST outfit - thanks to public schoolboys Will Hughes and Patrick Bamford,' writes Paul Jiggins in The Sun, under the headline 'Toffs v Taffs'.
'Southgate said: "Patrick and Will are probably the most educated rooming partners we've ever had!"'
Hahaha! Footballers with an education! Whatever next?
Intro in The Sun: 'Luke Shaw was head and shoulders above his rivals even as a schoolboy - as these exclusive pictures show.'
If you're going to stick an online story in the paper without using the pictures, you might want to re-write in the intro.
Headline Of The Day
'Cycology' - The Sun.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'World Cup Chimpions' - The Sun.
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Swiss Cheese Pervert In More Trouble With Police' - the Metro.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An alleged serial masturbator dubbed the Swiss cheese pervert will face more charges, police have said.
'Chris Pagano, 42, is accused of driving around his neighbourhood and offering women money to put cheese on his genitals.
'The case of the 'cheese pervert' was first reported in January, when police in Norristown, Philadelphia, released a photo of a trouserless man dangling a slice of the smelly stuff in the air.' - the Metro.
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