Stand Back, It's Quotes Of The Week

"They're all probably clapping hands, Platini sitting up there on the phone to Sepp Blatter, probably texting each other, delighted with the result" - Robbie Keane.

"Do I think it's a conspiracy? Definitely. FIFA want the big teams in the World Cup, they want France in the World Cup, and it may sound silly but they want teams sponsored by adidas. Adidas sponsor the World Cup, they sponsor France. Michel Platini has a lot of influence as well. Maybe we'd have had a better chance of going to the World Cup if it was sponsored by Umbro" - Damien Duff. Sponsored by adidas.

"They can complain all they want but France are going to the World Cup - get over it. France were there for the taking and Ireland didn't do it. Same old story" - Roy Keane.

"The fairest solution would be to replay the game but it is not in my control" - Thierry Henry, approximately 90 minutes after FIFA ruled out a replay.

"When I think that certain politicians want to replay the match...They don't even know if the ball is round or oval and they would be the first to come and drink champagne in South Africa. The replay? I'll do it when you want on a PlayStation" - F365's favourite footballer Patrice Evra.

"What shocked me most wasn't the handball...[it] was that at the end of the match, in front of the TV cameras, this player went and sat down next to an Irish player to console him, even though he'd screwed them three minutes earlier. If I'd been Irish, he wouldn't have lasted three seconds...[Domenech is] the worst coach in French football since Louis XVI...If it was up to me, I'd put Laurent Blanc in charge" - Eric Cantona.

"As a Liverpool player I can't play in my blue Nike boots. They strongly discourage me from doing that. Blue is Everton's colour and Liverpool and Everton are rivals in everything" - Ryan Babel reveals the sacrifices he has made to play for Liverpool.

"I am 100% sure we will finish in the top four. The team will play well when all the players are available so I am sure we will finish in the top four" - Rafa Bwenitez. Watch this space.

"For f***'s sake the World Cup is in June. Is he on holiday until June 11?" - Arsene Wenger responds to a question about Theo Walcott.

"I had a funny feeling before this game. My kit sponsors had given me a pair of bright green boots and I'd tried them on before the match, only for Clive Allen to say I couldn't wear them. So I changed back to a pair of pinkish silver ones, and go and score five. It was like a dream. Brilliant" - Jermain Defoe.

"JD can do anything he wants to do...Maybe he's not as well known - not than he's any less talented - as say Brazil's forwards, or Messi, or someone like that. That's because that's Brazil and Barcelona. Put Jermain Defoe up front for Barcelona and I'm sure he'd be well known as well" - Jonathan Woodgate gets rather carried away by Defoe's five goals against Wigan. Yes, Wigan.

"Roberto is Wigan's manager and I have complete faith in him and I know the supporters have. He has got a difficult time, he inherited a team that was a little bit weak on reserves when Steve left. Steve actually had a few dodgy signings just before he left Wigan and he has inherited those dodgy signings so I can't blame Roberto one iota" - Wigan chairman Dave Whelan blames the ex-manager for the 9-1 defeat.

"I was trying to think of the couple of dodgy signings he was on about and I can only think of Hugo Rodallega and Charles N'Zogbia, who were signed at the back end of my time there, and if Wigan want to offload those two then we will be happy to take them" - Bruce hits back.

"Every footballer needs an adviser at some point, but a player doesn't need to pay between 5 and 15 per cent of his wages to a guy to set up a bank account, buy him a new fridge or ask his club's chief executive for a pay rise" - Citizen Neville.

"I'm going to ask you do you fancy it? Do you like getting kicked? Do you like the fact that I'm going to be at you for the whole 90 minutes? As soon as you get the ball I'm going to be in your face. You're not going to like it one bit. And when we have the ball, I'm going to run you into the corner and you're going to have to follow me. Are you ready for that? Because that's what's going to happen" - Darren Fletcher comes over all Peep Show.

"He's a big man and he must need a big ticker to keep him going. We wish him all the best and it will take quite a bit to knock down that old elephant" - Ryan Nelsen on Sam Allardyce's injury.

"We'll talk just before the game and after it - but he won't be able to speak to me during the match. His wife confiscated his phone on Sunday. She will do the same this time probably" - Bolton assistant boss Neil McDonald reveals that Mrs Allardyce controls the old elephant.

"When you play Sam Allardyce's team, it is like Tony Pulis's. He doesn't like the team to keep the ball. It is two passes and then you play forward" - Abdoulaye Faye reveals Stoke's complex tactical plan.

"Do I commiserate with Wayne? Well, he's only got one, hasn't he? In my house, one wakes the other and it's like a conveyor belt, especially when they are ill. I didn't realise it would be so hard" - Lee Bowyer, dad of twins.

"We are in a relegation fight and I've said that to the lads. They might as well understand that now than in a few weeks' time. The fact is we look like a team that could get relegated. Everton were in the bottom three for a while but are they a team that looked like getting relegated? There's a subtle difference there" - Mick McCarthy.

"I had problems with certain players at Arsenal, especially one, whose name I will not say because I don't want to feed the controversy. I didn't have much time on the pitch last year because I think there's a player who got the manager believing that he and I had no understanding on the field. That did surprise me hugely" - Who could Kolo Toure possibly mean?

"Joining City is not something that will ever happen. When you have got red blood you cannot see yourself with blue blood" - Phil Neville beats off previously-unreported interest from Man City.